(Nanna tells:)
Maybe I have an older brother, or a little sister somewhere. That is really cool, but no one knows. They could as well be dead.
A long time ago I was living in China, in an orphanage. But ten years ago my parents came to fetch me. Now, I live i Sundsvall and I go in the fifth grade in school.
- They (friends in school) mostly think it's cool that I come from another country. And then they believe I can talk chinese, but I can't. And then they think I have chinese parents. Most of them don't know what it is to be adopted. So I have to explain.. "Oh, don't you have real parents, how strange! Isn't that terrible?" and then they ask: "But what are you doing here?". They think it's strange that I am here and not there...
Now I will go back to China, to Shanghai and to Zhangjiagiang where the orphanage is situated; to see how it looks like where I come from. And it's not sure - but maybe, maybe - I can visit the orphanage too.
This is my little sister Märta. She is born in China too, but in another place.
(looking at video film)
This footage is from the first day we met, my parents and I. Daddy filmed almost the whole time.
The same day as I had new parents ten years ago, also Alice, Linnéa and Mimmi had new families. We all lived together at the same orphanage, and we have lots in common. Our parents coldn't manage to take care of us and therefore we were left to the orphanage. No one knows our parents names, how they looked like or what they did for a living. Now, we will go back to the place where we come from, and even if we live in different parts of Sweden, we have decided to go there together.
(At the airport)
- Where is the bus? Is that our bus?
- No, we will have a small bus, of course!
It has been a long journey. Linnéa, Alice, Mimmi and me have been travelling for more than twenty hours and we were sick on the plane due to all the air pockets. But now we are in Shanghai, one of the world's greatest cities.
- Yes, now we are in the city, really...
_ But how are they driving here? They are driving like nuts!
The man that is talking now is Tom, he is our guide. No one of us knows how to talk mandarin - that is a chinese language - so we really need him. Not so many people know english here...
(coming into the hotel room..)
- Yes, there was a TV here! Maybe we were a little bit wrong...
- Is all that for the orphanage?
Since we came to Sweden, our parents have made us meet every year, even if we live in different parts of the country, rather far from each other. Linnéa in Stockholm, Alice in Malmö, Mimmi in Skellefteå and me in Sundsvall.
(looking at pictures)
Mimmi (M): Look! I look so fat!
Mimmi again... All the babies are fat...
- You look like this!
Nanna (N): It's only you in all the pictures...
Alice (A): Me, me, me, and me..
M: You as a baby, you as a baby...
A: That was almost all of the pictures..
M+N: That WAS all the pictures!
M: What is really cool, is that everybody here looks just like me, and that is not the fact in Sweden.. That is really nice. Now I am not the only one that is having sloping (?) eyes and black hair.
(on the bridge over the street)
- What if it collapses!
- Smell!
The first thing that occurs to us is that it smells really much from all the cars here in Shanghai.
It feels much more nicer to be here together than if I should have travelled here on my own, just with my family.
(walking, talking)
A: Where is your mother? Are you going to visit her when you are going to China? I am so tired of all these questions...
- Yes!
- I get really sad, and upset... because I don't know a single thing about them..
M: I had these questions a thousand times!
A: ...yes... and I don't know what to say, because I know nothing at all... "Are you not going to look for your mother when you go back to China?"... no one understands.. I really feel like a lump in my stomach, because I know nothing...
- where are we going now? OK, let's continue...!
Linnéa (L): I think she was young. And poor. Maybe she couldn't afford food and clothes for a baby.
A: No, I don't want to think about it. Because then I just have a lot of thoughts. And I will have new questions all the time. And now when we get back home people will ask, did you meet your real mum? But it is so tough, so I don't want to think about it. Because I have my real mum know. I prefer not to think about it, because if I do, it will just be a lot of problems. Mental problems, that not will be solved.
M: If I start to think about it, it feels like the whole world is going under for me. And I live with my mother and father now, and they are my real parents now, so I don't reflect upon that I am adopted, just when someone asks about it. But I belong to my family now, and I am one of them.
A: And also I have a good life in Sweden. I think I should have a more miserable life here. so therefore I really don't care.. beacuse it was they that decided to give me away. I think that was tough... so now they have themselves to blame.
(about Tom)
N: He talks really fast!
A: Yes, but he HAS to talk fast, beacuse he is a guide, and if he doesn't talk fast we have already passed the things he talks about!
The only thing he knows to say in swedish is God Morgon!
A: we have to hurry all the time...
M: He should let us go by ourselves a little, he is taking care like our "mumdaddy"(inventing a word)
M: he is really taking good care of us, but we would like to go a little bit more on our own...
(in old town, Shanghai)
A: It really is like China now, when it's a place like this. In the other parts of the town, it feels like you are in New York!
(Mimmi taking a photograph)
M: Look happy! Don't look afraid! Yes, that nice!
A: I know "Tack you"
- and "hello" and "bye, bye"!
A: and "lamp", but that is not a very important word...
- What is it called?
A: It was "djendje" something, but if I say that now thay will think it's strange...
A: When I speak to my father - that is tall, and swedish and pale and almost pink - when I talk to him in swedish, in sheer swedish... they look at me... "what? how does she knows how to talk to him?" And when I notice that, I look in the ground so I don't have to see all these faces... or I go a bit away and put myself in another place. Beacuse then suddenly they don't see me... because then I am one in the crowd!
A: They talk a lot.. and then they look at me like I was a thing in the museum, a statue or something.. They don't look at each other in that way! But they look at me! And I don't understand what they say...
It's really good that Tom is here with us, he can explain, beacuse everybody wonders... It is not so often you see adopted coming back here. Tom says that they think that we are lucky, and that we were fortunate to come to a wealthy and good country as Sweden. From now on he calls us the four empresses...
M:This was really cool!
A: When somebody says hello... and I say "hello, hello!".. he just touches my hand, not shaking it...
M:.. I could touch a chinese coming here!
M: It feels like you are a known person, a celebrity!
A: ..yes, when everybody are gathering around us...
M:...yes, it is really cool..
A: ...but nice! Because then you feel that you are something special..!
M: Yes, but we are special! we are chinese!
A:...but everybody here are chinese.. the only thing is that we are coming from Sweden and having a good life there...
M:...yes, and we knows how to talk another language...
A: .. yes, and currently, too...
M: Currently? Eh?
A: Yes! Currently!
M... oh, a stool!
A long time ago it was just the emperors that were allowed to wear yellow. But nowadays everybody wants to put yellow clothes on their babies. Then you think your baby will have fortune and luck. In China there are so many people - over one billion - and therefore there is this rule that you are not allowed to give birth to more than one child.
N: If that rule didn't exist, maybe there had been a lot of people starving here.. and maybe I still had lived here then and in that case my life had been a lot different...
(in the store)
N: Can't you come with me? You know how to speak english, I don't...
A: I just now a little...
N: You know at least more than me, I don't know a word!
(showing what they bought in the bus)
N: Look, we bought this.. and this.. and this...
A: (holding up the lamp) Big and nice and red!
M: If you have one like that, then we have the same..!
M: I want to take a photo.. can you stand over there? If that's all right? I want all the chinese children together!
... yes, that's great!
(in the train)
A: No, it's US that live on the other side of the world, that's what THEY think!
All of us - that lived in the orphanage - were called Zhang as a family name. Maybe it is because the city where the orphanage is situated is called Zhangjiagiang...? My chinese name is Xin Chun, that means new spring. The chinese people think that it is beautiful with names sprung from the nature. Both Alice, Linnéa and Mimmi and I are called names that comes from flowers and seasons. And now Alice get to see something that she has never seen before!
A: These are the flowers that I've got my name from! They are called Hong Jin, that means Red Sakkura and I am named after them.. In swedish that will be "röd Sakkura". This is not a red one, but it is a Sakkura!
Märta: Sakkura!
Mimmi's mother: So you know that...?
Märta: But Alice are called after them!
Mimmi's mother: Do you know what Mimmi is named after? Her name is the new plum flower. Xin Mei, that means the new plum flower...
A: Have you seen a plum flower yet?
Mimmi's mother: No, not yet.
M: Look! How cute!
L: They are picking fleas from each other, and then they eat them!
Linnéa's father: I have picked fleas from you as well, do you remember that, kids?
Elin:... Yes, but you certainly didn't eat them...!
M: What are europeans?
Mimmi's mother: Well, that is us; we are europeans.
M: Not me?
Mimmi's mother: No, you are chinese! But you are an european now. But you are born in China.
M: Yes. I really would have loved to take all these animals with me home, so they could live in Kolmården (an swedish zoo).
(in front of the panda)
M: Oh, it look so small! Look, it is not big at all..
Elin: Poor Panda!
A: It is SO cute!
M: That are racoons.. aren't it? I've got the best photo in the world, mama! It looked straight at me!
(outside the toilets at the zoo)
A: We were there inside, at the toilets, and you had to sit like this and it was awful to see your own pee...
N: And there were pee at the floor as well!
N: And there was no paper..!
A: Yes...it was really disgusting!
M: Look! He's got a hole back in his trousers...!
Elin: Yes, I know!
We have a lot of fun over the babies that are having holes in the back of their trousers. It is pretty hard to understand that we looked the same, a long time ago.
M: They are having holes in the back of their trousers.. some are having a kind of diaper, but some... are having nothing at all! They are naked, and you can see the whole behind...!
N: We think that is due to the fact that there are so many children here, so they really don't have time to change diapers on the babies. The children has to do all that stuff by themselves. Pee and the second thing.
M: But they didn't have diapers when we were kids here...
N: Yes, there were diapers, it was a piece of cloth stuff and then a big plastic bag!
M: Yes, you had four cotton cloths and one plastic bag!
N: I know, beacuse I still have all my belongings, I also had ugly small slippers with an old buffer on!
A: Yes, me too!
Something we really learnt these days, is to beat down the price when we buy things. It is almost so that we like to shop a little all the time, beacuse we like to bargain so much.
L: 14... mama! I bargained!
M: What are you planning to buy?
A: It costs 22 , that is too much, I think...
M: What do they want for it?
A: 22!
M:.... try to get it for 9!..or 8!... Yes, 8!
A: OK..
M: ...or even 7!
A: no, I start with 8...
M: Yes, because you are supposed to start really low, and not the opposite!
M: 10?
A: That is really a good price, it is less than the half of the original price.
M: Yes! That's OK!
(the acrobats)
N: Oh, it was really beautiful with the rings...!
Now we have been in Shanghai for some days, and it has been so much to see, so we really haven't thought so much about the orphanage. We are out late the last night. It is really beautiful when the city are lightened up.
(bargaining again)
- Ten!
-Ten, for that one?
- Five!
N: You should act like you are not interested!
Now it is like that again, people think we know how to speak chinese...
N: What a cool boat!
A: Yes, look, that was really cool...
N: Luxury lights...
(pointing at the high skyscrapers)
N: I would really love to live in that house!
Shanghai is a beautiful city with all it's cool skyscapers. But know we really long a little for the city where the orphanage is situated, Zhangjiagiang. We are going there tomorrow - and now, suddenly, we can't stop to think about that...
A: We are like a bunch of friends here...
M: At least one time a year, then we meet somewhere. So if I go to China on a journey like this and really experience this country that we come from, it feels good to do that together. We haven't been here since we were babies, it feels safe to have the friends with me.
A: Yes, beacuse we were fetched here at the same time...
M: ... yes... and we don't remember anything from the orphanage.. It will be so exciting to go there!
A: Yes. But they have rebuilt it all, we heard...
M: Yes, thay have rebuilt it.
N: But it is not sure at all that we are allowed to visit inside, maybe we just have to stay at the outside.
A: Yes. But then we at least have "experiences in our head"...
N: What if we can meet the children there?
A: But I don't think we are allowed to do that!
N: There are many children that are disabled.
M: I know. They can be disabled in many ways.. sit i a wheelchair, maybe. Or walk in a special way..
M...sorry? Why should we be sorry for them? They are just like us!
N: Yes, but sorry beacause they are disabled...
A: Yes, but we could had the same thing.
M: ...Yes!
A...Yes..
We have tried to write to the people in charge of the orphanage, to have an answer if we can go there to visit or not. But we still have not got a letter. So we don't know.
It has been a long journey from Shanghai to get to Zhangjiagiang where the orphanage is situated.
N: A play ground! What a special one!
Linnéa's father: It is rebuilt...
N: Is this the orphanage? Oh! How beautiful!
.. I just hope that we are welcome...
She - over there - is maybe the one that is in charge here? And it almost feels like she recognizes us. She says that we are welcome into the house..
Nanna's father: Are you tired?
N: Yes, I feel really tired...
N: No, I don't think she really recognized us.. She messed up mine and Linnéa's name... she thought that Linnea is Xin Chun, but that is me...
We got presents too!
(opening the presents)
M: Look what you have got, and look at hers!
A: That is certainly a chinese children tune. This was really beautiful, I think... as a personal souvenir from China and from the orphanage... Of course it is much more worth than the things you buy on your own. I've got this from...
M: Ding, Ding, Ding!
A: Listen to mine!
(looking at photos)
N: No, that is not me!
M: No, that is ME!!!
We really didn't think that these photos that we sent from Sweden every Christmas, should be so properly put in books... And it felt really strange to see youself celebrate midsummer in Sweden on a photo in China!
Nanna's father: Here, look! This must be when she still lived here at the orphanage..
Nanna's mother: Yes, that must have been just before she was going to Souzou, because she is younger on the other pictures...
Nanna's father: Hey, look! Here you can check out my weight too!
M: Did you also look that fat on the pictures?
N: But that is beacuse we had so much clothes on!
And then the principal told us that we could meet with some of the children that live in the orphanage now!
M. What is that?
M: Hello?
I wonder what they think when they see us? Do they think we look different? But alike at the same time?
(in the swings)
A: But that was not just us that was adopted.... A lot of other children too, that we have never met...
M: But that big girl, I don't think she can be adopted now?
Märta: Who?
M: that big girl over there, she has to stay here, maybe for the rest of her life...
A: She is about our age and the problem is that no one wants to adopt big girls. Everybody just wants small, cute babies...
M: But she is not handicaped in any way, so I really would like to adopt her if that was possible. But the problem is to teach her swedish now when she already talks mandarin currently! So it's difficult...
The people that works in the orphanage tell us that thay want to invite us to a lunch. And some of the children at the orphanage are allowed to come with us to the restaurant.
(going out from the orphanage)
M: My mother said that the bigger children now maybe think; "if I were not handicaped, maybe I would have been adopted like these girls"...
M: That guy, he is 18 years old, but he is a dwarf. Yes, it was something that was special about him...
A: He talked a lot!
M: Like us!
A: The problem was that...
N: It's a pity that everybody talks to him like he was just s3 years old... I don't think that's fair. If he is 18, he should be treated like 18!
(back in the bus)
A: We are really lucky that we were adopted to Sweden, aren't we?
N: Yes. We should be really grateful about that! .. I almost started to cry when I saw some of the children..
L: The orphanage was so cold!
N: But it's a good thing to learn how reality is, beacuse next time we are not crying.
M: No. I know. But I almost started to cry!
N: ..but sometimes it's better to learn terrible things...
N: I feel sad, and at the same time a bit happy because I think they had it better than I first thought they should have... But I didn't cry... it WAS better than I first thought... but it was not good, anyway.
M: It was clean, they are having nice people to take care of them, they have a place to belong to, clothes and some things, so it was not THAT bad. I am sure there are worse orphanages. But of couse you feel pity for them - I do - and what if my mother and father didn't meet to marry, then probably I still had been left here, if no one else had fetched me. So, there are a lot of things you shouldn't think about, because then you just get very sad...
This girl, Sa Fu, is now 18 years old. It means that she was 8 years when our new families came to fetch us. I wonder if she remembers us.. 8 years... then you are quite old. What if she played with me?
(Linnea's father: Are there more stairs to go?)
Now we are sitting here, around the table and we are looking at each other. Juan Qin even starts to tease a little...
N: It had been really good if it had been possible to say something... and they talked a lot, things we didn't understand... it would have been interesting to know what they said!
It is difficult that we are not able to speak to the children around the table. This guy, Zhang Kang is now 22 years old, and the little boy is 4 years old. Somebody told us that he is suffering from a brain tumor.
N: Alice? Where is Alice?
(the little serving table turning around)
Märta: Chicken feet...
A lot of dishes are served and the orphan children eats a lot. What if they never have been to a restaurant before? Not even that question can we ask...
But these chicken feet on the table really makes us feel sick...
M: No, I would never ever taste, beacuse I can't eat that sort of things. When you think about it, what it is, grilled feet from an animal!
Alice don't even cope to sit at the table. She puts herself in another room in the restaurant; on a different floor in the house!
A: I really couldn't stand to look at these chicken feet that were there on the table... and despite I knew I didn't have to look at them, something forced me to look at them all the time anyway. So I had to change room...
M: ..but they were sitting laughing at me... I couldn't eat this slice of cucumber with these glossy sticks. And thay had really fun of me, so I felt a little embarrassed...
N: Hey, Mimmi... They think we are spoiled that are not tasting this fantastic food. Now, when they have served this nice food.. and we are not eating... We are really stupid and rude. Think about it, maybe they never ever have food like this, and we are sitting here not eating. Think about what that looks like..?... Look happy!
It is so embarrassing that we are not having our presents with us. They have been drawing pictures to us, and we have a lots of things with us for them, bags with things, but somebody at the orphanage earlier today took them aside and we have not been thinking about that, beacuse so much happened today.. until now...! We starts to draw pictures as well.. and after a while we find a Bolibompa elk that we can give away...
M: No, I can't do that! I don't dare!
M: ...and then our guide says that I should give them a kiss! I know that is their way yo say hello, but I think you just give kisses to people you already know. No. It's just to much, I think. I hardly know them at all!
(in front of the enlighted commercial sign)
A: Look, people are gathering...! We could even insult them without them knowing anything...
M: Yes..
We start to get used to the fact sthat people star at us; but it certainly feels good that we are here together...
mama, mama, mama!
A: Have you seen - you can say that - have you seen my mother?
After these days we feel even more like close friends. We really know what we have in common when we get back to Sweden again.
A: I feel a little..
M:..sad?
A:..no, but it feels strange when I am alone and people are staring...
M: Yes, but I actually think that's pretty cool...
A: Look! Dragons!
M: You are crazy - suddenly - in dragons! Soon you will get married to a dragon!
A: I had not planned that.. I already have.. I have planned to marry an usual clean human being!
M: ...that is called what?
A: Cut it! .. But I really think I will marry a swedish person...
M: But I think the chinese are much more cooler! The swedish are so boring. Everybody look the same..
A: But chinese people look alike as well! ...maybe a part from the eyes...
M: Yes. But the most funny I've seen is a chinese guy with blonded hair!
A: Yes, me too. That is really strange.. it looks so funny. Because now I think that the nicest is to have black hair; natural...
M: yeeees... (smells her hair) ... mine smells.. I think I have to wash it immidiately when I come home to the hotel...
A: Watch out! The car!!!
(in the taxi)
A: Mr Tom; he said he think I should be a chinese empress! And I will be that too...
N: No, I an going to be a prime minister! ... but did you hear that he called us angels.. all of us?
A: Angels? Did he say that?
N: Anglos...
A: No! Angels! You have to say it RIGHT too!
Today we are going back to Sweden. But first we have something important to do...
N: No.. it is here.. Come here...!
Maybe I have an older brother, or a little sister somewhere. That is really cool, but no one knows. They could as well be dead.
A long time ago I was living in China, in an orphanage. But ten years ago my parents came to fetch me. Now, I live i Sundsvall and I go in the fifth grade in school.
- They (friends in school) mostly think it's cool that I come from another country. And then they believe I can talk chinese, but I can't. And then they think I have chinese parents. Most of them don't know what it is to be adopted. So I have to explain.. "Oh, don't you have real parents, how strange! Isn't that terrible?" and then they ask: "But what are you doing here?". They think it's strange that I am here and not there...
Now I will go back to China, to Shanghai and to Zhangjiagiang where the orphanage is situated; to see how it looks like where I come from. And it's not sure - but maybe, maybe - I can visit the orphanage too.
This is my little sister Märta. She is born in China too, but in another place.
(looking at video film)
This footage is from the first day we met, my parents and I. Daddy filmed almost the whole time.
The same day as I had new parents ten years ago, also Alice, Linnéa and Mimmi had new families. We all lived together at the same orphanage, and we have lots in common. Our parents coldn't manage to take care of us and therefore we were left to the orphanage. No one knows our parents names, how they looked like or what they did for a living. Now, we will go back to the place where we come from, and even if we live in different parts of Sweden, we have decided to go there together.
(At the airport)
- Where is the bus? Is that our bus?
- No, we will have a small bus, of course!
It has been a long journey. Linnéa, Alice, Mimmi and me have been travelling for more than twenty hours and we were sick on the plane due to all the air pockets. But now we are in Shanghai, one of the world's greatest cities.
- Yes, now we are in the city, really...
_ But how are they driving here? They are driving like nuts!
The man that is talking now is Tom, he is our guide. No one of us knows how to talk mandarin - that is a chinese language - so we really need him. Not so many people know english here...
(coming into the hotel room..)
- Yes, there was a TV here! Maybe we were a little bit wrong...
- Is all that for the orphanage?
Since we came to Sweden, our parents have made us meet every year, even if we live in different parts of the country, rather far from each other. Linnéa in Stockholm, Alice in Malmö, Mimmi in Skellefteå and me in Sundsvall.
(looking at pictures)
Mimmi (M): Look! I look so fat!
Mimmi again... All the babies are fat...
- You look like this!
Nanna (N): It's only you in all the pictures...
Alice (A): Me, me, me, and me..
M: You as a baby, you as a baby...
A: That was almost all of the pictures..
M+N: That WAS all the pictures!
M: What is really cool, is that everybody here looks just like me, and that is not the fact in Sweden.. That is really nice. Now I am not the only one that is having sloping (?) eyes and black hair.
(on the bridge over the street)
- What if it collapses!
- Smell!
The first thing that occurs to us is that it smells really much from all the cars here in Shanghai.
It feels much more nicer to be here together than if I should have travelled here on my own, just with my family.
(walking, talking)
A: Where is your mother? Are you going to visit her when you are going to China? I am so tired of all these questions...
- Yes!
- I get really sad, and upset... because I don't know a single thing about them..
M: I had these questions a thousand times!
A: ...yes... and I don't know what to say, because I know nothing at all... "Are you not going to look for your mother when you go back to China?"... no one understands.. I really feel like a lump in my stomach, because I know nothing...
- where are we going now? OK, let's continue...!
Linnéa (L): I think she was young. And poor. Maybe she couldn't afford food and clothes for a baby.
A: No, I don't want to think about it. Because then I just have a lot of thoughts. And I will have new questions all the time. And now when we get back home people will ask, did you meet your real mum? But it is so tough, so I don't want to think about it. Because I have my real mum know. I prefer not to think about it, because if I do, it will just be a lot of problems. Mental problems, that not will be solved.
M: If I start to think about it, it feels like the whole world is going under for me. And I live with my mother and father now, and they are my real parents now, so I don't reflect upon that I am adopted, just when someone asks about it. But I belong to my family now, and I am one of them.
A: And also I have a good life in Sweden. I think I should have a more miserable life here. so therefore I really don't care.. beacuse it was they that decided to give me away. I think that was tough... so now they have themselves to blame.
(about Tom)
N: He talks really fast!
A: Yes, but he HAS to talk fast, beacuse he is a guide, and if he doesn't talk fast we have already passed the things he talks about!
The only thing he knows to say in swedish is God Morgon!
A: we have to hurry all the time...
M: He should let us go by ourselves a little, he is taking care like our "mumdaddy"(inventing a word)
M: he is really taking good care of us, but we would like to go a little bit more on our own...
(in old town, Shanghai)
A: It really is like China now, when it's a place like this. In the other parts of the town, it feels like you are in New York!
(Mimmi taking a photograph)
M: Look happy! Don't look afraid! Yes, that nice!
A: I know "Tack you"
- and "hello" and "bye, bye"!
A: and "lamp", but that is not a very important word...
- What is it called?
A: It was "djendje" something, but if I say that now thay will think it's strange...
A: When I speak to my father - that is tall, and swedish and pale and almost pink - when I talk to him in swedish, in sheer swedish... they look at me... "what? how does she knows how to talk to him?" And when I notice that, I look in the ground so I don't have to see all these faces... or I go a bit away and put myself in another place. Beacuse then suddenly they don't see me... because then I am one in the crowd!
A: They talk a lot.. and then they look at me like I was a thing in the museum, a statue or something.. They don't look at each other in that way! But they look at me! And I don't understand what they say...
It's really good that Tom is here with us, he can explain, beacuse everybody wonders... It is not so often you see adopted coming back here. Tom says that they think that we are lucky, and that we were fortunate to come to a wealthy and good country as Sweden. From now on he calls us the four empresses...
M:This was really cool!
A: When somebody says hello... and I say "hello, hello!".. he just touches my hand, not shaking it...
M:.. I could touch a chinese coming here!
M: It feels like you are a known person, a celebrity!
A: ..yes, when everybody are gathering around us...
M:...yes, it is really cool..
A: ...but nice! Because then you feel that you are something special..!
M: Yes, but we are special! we are chinese!
A:...but everybody here are chinese.. the only thing is that we are coming from Sweden and having a good life there...
M:...yes, and we knows how to talk another language...
A: .. yes, and currently, too...
M: Currently? Eh?
A: Yes! Currently!
M... oh, a stool!
A long time ago it was just the emperors that were allowed to wear yellow. But nowadays everybody wants to put yellow clothes on their babies. Then you think your baby will have fortune and luck. In China there are so many people - over one billion - and therefore there is this rule that you are not allowed to give birth to more than one child.
N: If that rule didn't exist, maybe there had been a lot of people starving here.. and maybe I still had lived here then and in that case my life had been a lot different...
(in the store)
N: Can't you come with me? You know how to speak english, I don't...
A: I just now a little...
N: You know at least more than me, I don't know a word!
(showing what they bought in the bus)
N: Look, we bought this.. and this.. and this...
A: (holding up the lamp) Big and nice and red!
M: If you have one like that, then we have the same..!
M: I want to take a photo.. can you stand over there? If that's all right? I want all the chinese children together!
... yes, that's great!
(in the train)
A: No, it's US that live on the other side of the world, that's what THEY think!
All of us - that lived in the orphanage - were called Zhang as a family name. Maybe it is because the city where the orphanage is situated is called Zhangjiagiang...? My chinese name is Xin Chun, that means new spring. The chinese people think that it is beautiful with names sprung from the nature. Both Alice, Linnéa and Mimmi and I are called names that comes from flowers and seasons. And now Alice get to see something that she has never seen before!
A: These are the flowers that I've got my name from! They are called Hong Jin, that means Red Sakkura and I am named after them.. In swedish that will be "röd Sakkura". This is not a red one, but it is a Sakkura!
Märta: Sakkura!
Mimmi's mother: So you know that...?
Märta: But Alice are called after them!
Mimmi's mother: Do you know what Mimmi is named after? Her name is the new plum flower. Xin Mei, that means the new plum flower...
A: Have you seen a plum flower yet?
Mimmi's mother: No, not yet.
M: Look! How cute!
L: They are picking fleas from each other, and then they eat them!
Linnéa's father: I have picked fleas from you as well, do you remember that, kids?
Elin:... Yes, but you certainly didn't eat them...!
M: What are europeans?
Mimmi's mother: Well, that is us; we are europeans.
M: Not me?
Mimmi's mother: No, you are chinese! But you are an european now. But you are born in China.
M: Yes. I really would have loved to take all these animals with me home, so they could live in Kolmården (an swedish zoo).
(in front of the panda)
M: Oh, it look so small! Look, it is not big at all..
Elin: Poor Panda!
A: It is SO cute!
M: That are racoons.. aren't it? I've got the best photo in the world, mama! It looked straight at me!
(outside the toilets at the zoo)
A: We were there inside, at the toilets, and you had to sit like this and it was awful to see your own pee...
N: And there were pee at the floor as well!
N: And there was no paper..!
A: Yes...it was really disgusting!
M: Look! He's got a hole back in his trousers...!
Elin: Yes, I know!
We have a lot of fun over the babies that are having holes in the back of their trousers. It is pretty hard to understand that we looked the same, a long time ago.
M: They are having holes in the back of their trousers.. some are having a kind of diaper, but some... are having nothing at all! They are naked, and you can see the whole behind...!
N: We think that is due to the fact that there are so many children here, so they really don't have time to change diapers on the babies. The children has to do all that stuff by themselves. Pee and the second thing.
M: But they didn't have diapers when we were kids here...
N: Yes, there were diapers, it was a piece of cloth stuff and then a big plastic bag!
M: Yes, you had four cotton cloths and one plastic bag!
N: I know, beacuse I still have all my belongings, I also had ugly small slippers with an old buffer on!
A: Yes, me too!
Something we really learnt these days, is to beat down the price when we buy things. It is almost so that we like to shop a little all the time, beacuse we like to bargain so much.
L: 14... mama! I bargained!
M: What are you planning to buy?
A: It costs 22 , that is too much, I think...
M: What do they want for it?
A: 22!
M:.... try to get it for 9!..or 8!... Yes, 8!
A: OK..
M: ...or even 7!
A: no, I start with 8...
M: Yes, because you are supposed to start really low, and not the opposite!
M: 10?
A: That is really a good price, it is less than the half of the original price.
M: Yes! That's OK!
(the acrobats)
N: Oh, it was really beautiful with the rings...!
Now we have been in Shanghai for some days, and it has been so much to see, so we really haven't thought so much about the orphanage. We are out late the last night. It is really beautiful when the city are lightened up.
(bargaining again)
- Ten!
-Ten, for that one?
- Five!
N: You should act like you are not interested!
Now it is like that again, people think we know how to speak chinese...
N: What a cool boat!
A: Yes, look, that was really cool...
N: Luxury lights...
(pointing at the high skyscrapers)
N: I would really love to live in that house!
Shanghai is a beautiful city with all it's cool skyscapers. But know we really long a little for the city where the orphanage is situated, Zhangjiagiang. We are going there tomorrow - and now, suddenly, we can't stop to think about that...
A: We are like a bunch of friends here...
M: At least one time a year, then we meet somewhere. So if I go to China on a journey like this and really experience this country that we come from, it feels good to do that together. We haven't been here since we were babies, it feels safe to have the friends with me.
A: Yes, beacuse we were fetched here at the same time...
M: ... yes... and we don't remember anything from the orphanage.. It will be so exciting to go there!
A: Yes. But they have rebuilt it all, we heard...
M: Yes, thay have rebuilt it.
N: But it is not sure at all that we are allowed to visit inside, maybe we just have to stay at the outside.
A: Yes. But then we at least have "experiences in our head"...
N: What if we can meet the children there?
A: But I don't think we are allowed to do that!
N: There are many children that are disabled.
M: I know. They can be disabled in many ways.. sit i a wheelchair, maybe. Or walk in a special way..
M...sorry? Why should we be sorry for them? They are just like us!
N: Yes, but sorry beacause they are disabled...
A: Yes, but we could had the same thing.
M: ...Yes!
A...Yes..
We have tried to write to the people in charge of the orphanage, to have an answer if we can go there to visit or not. But we still have not got a letter. So we don't know.
It has been a long journey from Shanghai to get to Zhangjiagiang where the orphanage is situated.
N: A play ground! What a special one!
Linnéa's father: It is rebuilt...
N: Is this the orphanage? Oh! How beautiful!
.. I just hope that we are welcome...
She - over there - is maybe the one that is in charge here? And it almost feels like she recognizes us. She says that we are welcome into the house..
Nanna's father: Are you tired?
N: Yes, I feel really tired...
N: No, I don't think she really recognized us.. She messed up mine and Linnéa's name... she thought that Linnea is Xin Chun, but that is me...
We got presents too!
(opening the presents)
M: Look what you have got, and look at hers!
A: That is certainly a chinese children tune. This was really beautiful, I think... as a personal souvenir from China and from the orphanage... Of course it is much more worth than the things you buy on your own. I've got this from...
M: Ding, Ding, Ding!
A: Listen to mine!
(looking at photos)
N: No, that is not me!
M: No, that is ME!!!
We really didn't think that these photos that we sent from Sweden every Christmas, should be so properly put in books... And it felt really strange to see youself celebrate midsummer in Sweden on a photo in China!
Nanna's father: Here, look! This must be when she still lived here at the orphanage..
Nanna's mother: Yes, that must have been just before she was going to Souzou, because she is younger on the other pictures...
Nanna's father: Hey, look! Here you can check out my weight too!
M: Did you also look that fat on the pictures?
N: But that is beacuse we had so much clothes on!
And then the principal told us that we could meet with some of the children that live in the orphanage now!
M. What is that?
M: Hello?
I wonder what they think when they see us? Do they think we look different? But alike at the same time?
(in the swings)
A: But that was not just us that was adopted.... A lot of other children too, that we have never met...
M: But that big girl, I don't think she can be adopted now?
Märta: Who?
M: that big girl over there, she has to stay here, maybe for the rest of her life...
A: She is about our age and the problem is that no one wants to adopt big girls. Everybody just wants small, cute babies...
M: But she is not handicaped in any way, so I really would like to adopt her if that was possible. But the problem is to teach her swedish now when she already talks mandarin currently! So it's difficult...
The people that works in the orphanage tell us that thay want to invite us to a lunch. And some of the children at the orphanage are allowed to come with us to the restaurant.
(going out from the orphanage)
M: My mother said that the bigger children now maybe think; "if I were not handicaped, maybe I would have been adopted like these girls"...
M: That guy, he is 18 years old, but he is a dwarf. Yes, it was something that was special about him...
A: He talked a lot!
M: Like us!
A: The problem was that...
N: It's a pity that everybody talks to him like he was just s3 years old... I don't think that's fair. If he is 18, he should be treated like 18!
(back in the bus)
A: We are really lucky that we were adopted to Sweden, aren't we?
N: Yes. We should be really grateful about that! .. I almost started to cry when I saw some of the children..
L: The orphanage was so cold!
N: But it's a good thing to learn how reality is, beacuse next time we are not crying.
M: No. I know. But I almost started to cry!
N: ..but sometimes it's better to learn terrible things...
N: I feel sad, and at the same time a bit happy because I think they had it better than I first thought they should have... But I didn't cry... it WAS better than I first thought... but it was not good, anyway.
M: It was clean, they are having nice people to take care of them, they have a place to belong to, clothes and some things, so it was not THAT bad. I am sure there are worse orphanages. But of couse you feel pity for them - I do - and what if my mother and father didn't meet to marry, then probably I still had been left here, if no one else had fetched me. So, there are a lot of things you shouldn't think about, because then you just get very sad...
This girl, Sa Fu, is now 18 years old. It means that she was 8 years when our new families came to fetch us. I wonder if she remembers us.. 8 years... then you are quite old. What if she played with me?
(Linnea's father: Are there more stairs to go?)
Now we are sitting here, around the table and we are looking at each other. Juan Qin even starts to tease a little...
N: It had been really good if it had been possible to say something... and they talked a lot, things we didn't understand... it would have been interesting to know what they said!
It is difficult that we are not able to speak to the children around the table. This guy, Zhang Kang is now 22 years old, and the little boy is 4 years old. Somebody told us that he is suffering from a brain tumor.
N: Alice? Where is Alice?
(the little serving table turning around)
Märta: Chicken feet...
A lot of dishes are served and the orphan children eats a lot. What if they never have been to a restaurant before? Not even that question can we ask...
But these chicken feet on the table really makes us feel sick...
M: No, I would never ever taste, beacuse I can't eat that sort of things. When you think about it, what it is, grilled feet from an animal!
Alice don't even cope to sit at the table. She puts herself in another room in the restaurant; on a different floor in the house!
A: I really couldn't stand to look at these chicken feet that were there on the table... and despite I knew I didn't have to look at them, something forced me to look at them all the time anyway. So I had to change room...
M: ..but they were sitting laughing at me... I couldn't eat this slice of cucumber with these glossy sticks. And thay had really fun of me, so I felt a little embarrassed...
N: Hey, Mimmi... They think we are spoiled that are not tasting this fantastic food. Now, when they have served this nice food.. and we are not eating... We are really stupid and rude. Think about it, maybe they never ever have food like this, and we are sitting here not eating. Think about what that looks like..?... Look happy!
It is so embarrassing that we are not having our presents with us. They have been drawing pictures to us, and we have a lots of things with us for them, bags with things, but somebody at the orphanage earlier today took them aside and we have not been thinking about that, beacuse so much happened today.. until now...! We starts to draw pictures as well.. and after a while we find a Bolibompa elk that we can give away...
M: No, I can't do that! I don't dare!
M: ...and then our guide says that I should give them a kiss! I know that is their way yo say hello, but I think you just give kisses to people you already know. No. It's just to much, I think. I hardly know them at all!
(in front of the enlighted commercial sign)
A: Look, people are gathering...! We could even insult them without them knowing anything...
M: Yes..
We start to get used to the fact sthat people star at us; but it certainly feels good that we are here together...
mama, mama, mama!
A: Have you seen - you can say that - have you seen my mother?
After these days we feel even more like close friends. We really know what we have in common when we get back to Sweden again.
A: I feel a little..
M:..sad?
A:..no, but it feels strange when I am alone and people are staring...
M: Yes, but I actually think that's pretty cool...
A: Look! Dragons!
M: You are crazy - suddenly - in dragons! Soon you will get married to a dragon!
A: I had not planned that.. I already have.. I have planned to marry an usual clean human being!
M: ...that is called what?
A: Cut it! .. But I really think I will marry a swedish person...
M: But I think the chinese are much more cooler! The swedish are so boring. Everybody look the same..
A: But chinese people look alike as well! ...maybe a part from the eyes...
M: Yes. But the most funny I've seen is a chinese guy with blonded hair!
A: Yes, me too. That is really strange.. it looks so funny. Because now I think that the nicest is to have black hair; natural...
M: yeeees... (smells her hair) ... mine smells.. I think I have to wash it immidiately when I come home to the hotel...
A: Watch out! The car!!!
(in the taxi)
A: Mr Tom; he said he think I should be a chinese empress! And I will be that too...
N: No, I an going to be a prime minister! ... but did you hear that he called us angels.. all of us?
A: Angels? Did he say that?
N: Anglos...
A: No! Angels! You have to say it RIGHT too!
Today we are going back to Sweden. But first we have something important to do...
N: No.. it is here.. Come here...!