Glory Days: My life as a Sniper
25min. version
Dialoge
0:04 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
Its a taboo that’s been placed upon us as with children, you don’t kill animals, you don’t kill anything. You do not kill, but I have.
Its difficult to kill when there is no vocation, cos you feel like your not a good person. You feel like your betraying something.
00:44 Ernest Hemingway quote on screen:
Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of a man, and thouse who have hunted armed men long enough and like it, never really care for anything else thereafter’
00:54 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
I was born in Arroya, Puerto Rico, I have four brothers and one sister, I’m the middle child, I’m number three. I don’t remember it alot, about growing up in Puerto Rico, what I do remember is that there was al ot of sun, there was alot of beaches and i rmemeber being outside a lot, and I remember being in the woods a lot. I enjoyed being in the woods, and I remember taking walks into the forests, in the mountains of Puerto Rico with my brothers and with my firends, friends from the neighbourhood. Exploring, and that was fun, just looking for new places to see within the woods and hanging out on trees and things like that. I remember that, that was a lot of fun!
1.42 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
I went to Sorpark High School, that’s in the north side, so I played Handball, I was number one in handball, I also did fencing and I did ah basketball, pretty much anything that I could, just to get away and just to participate and do something other than hang out on the streets; pretty much stay out of trouble.
2.04 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
It was winter and we were standing in the front of a class and I saw these kids looking at me, and talking about me, but I couldn’t tell what they were saying, so I turned around and asked this girl ‘ what are they saying?’ And she looked at me and she said ‘ Oh, arrr… there are talking about taking your jacket’ And, I got scared right away, because I don’t want them taking my jacket, so right, that’s no way that’s going to happen, (laughs) so, I didn’t know what to do, so I kinda walked up to them, then I picked up a chair and hit one, and pretty much they left me alone. I think that was the first time that I notice that if you assert confidence and authority, then they pretty much people leave you alone.
I always wanted to be a writer, but it’s a funny thing about writing I always thought it was a little feminine, so [laughs] I thought it was not as tough as the neighbourhood, that I grew up, so I always put it aside, I always did a little here, a little there, kinda like hiding under the table, kinda like, alright I wrote a poem, but I won’t tell anybody [laughs], or I’ll write a story but nobody will see it again, that sort of thing. And then when I got to high school we were suppose to actually turn in the assignments and then the teachers noticed right away that I had been writing for a while. That’s when I thought well maybe, maybe I’ll just write. I actually when in the marines co. with the idea I was going to be a journalist [Laughs].
3.38 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
I actually didn’t do much. I contemplated like going away. I had a big Afro, back that day, and… [Laughs] I kept thinking I had a big Angela Davis Afro, and I kept thinking this is all gonna be gone, tomorrow I’m going to be a marine. Mum had woken up and cooked me some breakfast, but I didn’t eat and she said goodbye and then my brothers got up, and we hugged each other to say goodbye, and everybody else crying, had a lump in their throat, and told me to take care and I left.
4:17 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
Walking into a shooting ranch for me was a revelation. I never shot a rifle in my life. Never had a weapon, we never had access to weapons when we were kids, we never hunted or anything like that. When they gave me my rifle, it was an M16, and when they gave it to me, I don’t know, I just felt it and I knew, I don’t know, I knew I would shoot this weapon. I had no training and then when they, we trained for several positions, shooting positions. And the first position we happen to grab was the kneeling position, when I went in the kneeling position and we had the sling, we used to wrap around the sling, around the arm and then from the arm its tighten against the rifle. So, it’s pretty much tight, but when you take the stock and you put it against your shoulder, it’s like a lock 3-point position. When I put it against my shoulder and I held it, like this… I knew, I knew in my heart nobody was gonna be better than me. I knew in my heart that I was gonna shoot like no ones business. I knew, and sure enough the first time I shot I was like an expert. And they thought I was cheating because my score was so high. And then, they tested me again and I shot again and almost broke the range record. I think it was like 258 or something. And they’re thinking this kid is cheating because he’s shooting so high and there nothing in his background that says he can shoot. But, first time in the range, and I saw that target, we started at like 200 yards and then we went to the 300 and 500 yards. I could just look at the target and know I could hit that guy.
6:40 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
I was in Camp Lejeune, Camp Lejeune was my base camp and I pretty much stayed they most of the times, but when I was in Camp Lejeune and Grenada I was just about to explode. And the Colonel called me and told me that I was going to down to Grenada, Honduras, Nicaragua area. So, he said, “You’ll go to Nicaragua and you’ll do a little bit of training for these people”. Meaning the contras, and I went and the Coronal there gave me a grade. I got there about two 0’clock (took like an afternoon maybe).
7.28 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
By ten O’ clock he had told me “Be out in the woods”. I had no idea what the woods looked like or anything, he just gave me a map, gave me my compass, I went to armoury and check out a rifle and I was on my way for the night. I was there maybe, a day or two into the woods, just throwing my permit and that’s when the first contact came about. I was in a kill zone, pretty much what you expect 9.2 when you put them in that area. This grade is yours and whatever moves, nobody is supposed to be there. Whatever moves you shoot. I was with the Aids sniper. Aid sniper are most times the senior sniper, there the ones that back up and tell you their 900 yards, usually you don’t shoot that far. Usually you shoot like 700, 800 yards the most. 500 yards if you can, that’s ideal.
8.46 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
He was told, that was my shot. Sniper train to take that one shot. Most snipers cannot take that shot; it’s not that easy to take that shot, its not normal thing for a man to do. Most people shoot back if you’re shooting at them, and they are going shoot you back. But its hard to tell someone here, to take this weapon and go to the subway and shoot the first person you see, come back tomorrow and I give you the same weapon and you go shoot someone else. Most people wont do it, some that are crazy will, but most people wont do it, its not something normal to do, so its very, very stressful, its just murder. Its just truly, you just got to shoot somebody with men doing nothing at to you.
9.45 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
It’s very difficult so you start sweating, and everything, that’s the moment that you see ‘ I don’t want to quit, I don’t want to bunk out, but also its a big step in your life, you have to make sure that this is what you want because once you do it, you have to live with it for the rest of your life.
10:00 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
He arrange it, and he said “Yeah its 660”, he said “Send it”, that’s the code to fire away, he said “send it”, you shoot and I had the guy, I had him dead, and he said send it. There wasn’t even a second, there wasn’t even one second of it, I sent it, and after I sent it, after I shot, I thought about it and I was [face of surprise] I shot and as soon as he shot, maybe a second later I saw the guy drop and I said “I shot”. And then you kinda go down, you stay there for a second, waiting for reactions and then you look for your avenues of retreat.
11.04 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
If you need to verify and kill more you can just go down there and kill more, wait for somebody to come, looking at the dead person and then you shoot them. Then somebody else comes and looking at the dead people and says “ what the hell happened here” and then you shoot them and eventually you have a little pile going on. That’s usually what you do, but I sent it, and that’s all I could think of, I sent it, how could I sent it? I just sent it. It wouldn’t get out of my head. I kept thinking I just sent it. I was with a general Sergeant and he kept saying“ Alright kid, just stay calm”. I said ‘I am calm’ he said “ You look calm, but stay calm, get it out of your head, this is your job and that’s it, its your job” I kept thinking its my job, he said “you’ve just saved 10 marines” and I said yes I did save 10 marines. You have to justify yourself and the way you justify yourself is for everyone you shoot, 10 marines are saved and I just saved 10 marines.
12:13 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
Most times you wait, you can wait days, but usually you don’t wait that long, usually you wait a day or two, you could be on the scoop for a couple of hours at a time, get off the scoop, be back again on the scoop, another couple of hours. I can’t stay on the scoop for that long, you can’t go to sleep cos your target might appear, so you can’t go to sleep, you do with very little sleep and you still got to make your shot. Shooting is not easy, it not like in the movies where you can just sit there all calm and collective and make the shot. By the time you take a shot, your dehydrated, you have no energy, adrenaline starts pumping at the moment of the shot, before then your pulse is all erratic, so your weapon is turning, your vision might be blurry.
13:10 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
So you got to compensate for that, its not an old rosy shot, you can’t just take a shot just after a shower [laughs]. It’s not easy, for a young man its not easy. Then you have to shut your alarms off, they’re telling you don’t take that shot, go ahead and retreat and say you didn’t have a shot. Somebody needs this person out; you have to take it out because it’s not for you to say yes or no. This is it, you just have to do it, its not easy but you just have to do it.
13:57 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
So easy for you to fall back and take pity on yourself and say look at me, how far away I am, and you feel like your a million miles away from home. You feel your so far away, and most times I was alone, most times it was just one more person. Most times that person is just already dead and your looking all by yourself and your bloody to hell and your thinking, it would be so easy just to sit down. If I could just sit down here it would be so easy. Just let them come and put me in a car, maybe put a bullet through my chest and that was that. It would be so easy.
14:34 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
If you don’t let despair grab you, you get out pretty much anywhere, your one man. If your one man, I don’t care how many people are looking for you, you can evade them if you keep your head together. I’ve had people stand right next to me whilst I’m camouflage and take a pea on me thinking I’m a bush. If you stay calm, i’ll let the pea roll off your back, they will move away. If you loose it, they will grab you. but staying calm and staying your cool is probably the best weapon a sniper has. You gotta stay calm, you gotta think things through.
15:25 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
I don’t think about death so much, I’m not obsessed by death. I know that death was my buisness back in the day. I have to tell you I was a different kinda man back then. I wasn’t the same as I am now. I rarely spoke, I rarely laughed. I have very few friends, and all I thought about was the missions, all I thought about was the shooting. Now I can think about other things, but back in the day it was different. But I still think of death the same way, I wasn’t afraid of dying and I not afraid of dying now. I’m not particulary courageous. I think people that have a lot of courage are the people that are afraid and they still dothe things that they do. Me, I wasn’t really afraid that much, I was rarely afraid. Once in a while, I would get a little nervous, but I was rarely afraid. Thats not courage, thats some sort of imbalance [laughs].
16:35 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
That’s not really courage; couragous people are the people that get scared and they still do the things they do because they go beyond their fear. Me I wasn’t really afraid. Once in a while, you get to think wow, I might die here, but still I wasn’t afraid. When the thoughts of death came, I thought about them more as a comfort. I kept thinking, wow, it would be nice if it ended. I was getting a little worped, and it wasn’t good, so if it had ended then, it would have been a nicer ending. I’m glad I’m here now, and I have done the things after then; but I consider this like a gravely train type of thing, like a second life, its not really ... I did what I did and it seemed fine at the time, if it had ended then it would have been fine aswell. I don’t think I would have shed any tears. Its not good.
17:49 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
It’s a taboo that has been placed upon us as children. You don’t kill animals, you don’t kill anything. You do not kill, but I have, and most people ask you, how does it feel to kill? And it’s a job, not that I justify, justify the killing you feel compelled to do what’s going to save other people.
18:28 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
I can guarantee you that if somebody were to come and threaten my family, I wouldn’t have, not even occurred to me to even to think about ending their lives. It would cost me nothing to end their lives. I don’t think about killing anyone for the sake of killing them, but if that were to happen, I think anyone would do it. It difficult to kill when you have no provocation, because you feel like you’re not a good person, you feel like your betraying something.
19:03 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
One time someone asked me, how did it feel like the first time I pulled that sent out, round down? And it felt more like betrayal. Like when you cheated on somebody that loves you so much, your husband, your wife and you just cheated on them. You’re so ashamed you did it, and you’ll never do it again, but the betrayal is there and you just feel like it’s tearing you apart, and that’s how it felt, it was like I betrayed something or somebody. Like all the other cheaters that go back and do it again.
19:44 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
I have a terrific defence mechanism where I forget everything. I forget everything that happens to me. I forget everywhere that I’ve been, I forget the places that I’ve seen, I forget the people I have met, I forget everything. And I know that sometimes you see it on TV or they say “oh I remember every face of the men I’ve killed”. I don’t remember anybody.
20:20 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
I don’t remember the faces, the names, I don’t remember. I remember some of the shots I took, but that’s mainly pride, I don’t remember anything, and it’s a horrible thing to say, but that’s probably why they selected me. Its just a psychological makeup. There’s something wrong with me? Maybe, maybe not, but it doesn’t really matter. I did what I did and that is that. I don’t think God cares, I really don’t. If I were God, I wouldn’t care, just little people out there doing… [laughs]. I think God’s got his own problems to care about what I’ve done, and if he does notice what I’ve done, I don’t see a way in which he could forgive me. [laughs]. I really don’t, I really don’t think that... If he’s like the one that they really say he is then he won’t forgive me. He’ll send me on my little way to hell, and I’ll get a little managerial job over there and I’ll be fine.
21:18 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
It seems like I get regretful, but its easier for me, (I sound like pathological assassin of some sought). It seems like its easier for me to put it out of my head, I can feel it bothering me, but its easier for me to get out, get it out of my head were it won’t bother me, and its easy for me just to put it aside. Although, I did get out. I stopped being a sniper before I got out of the Marine core. I could not do it anymore. I was turning into somebody that I really … [Hesitates] I was losing my soul; I kept thinking this is not a good place to be.
22.18 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
To me it was horrible, I was a different man but it was horrible, it was more like “Sergeant Rodriguez, we’ve got another mission,” Alright, “ You wanna know where it is?,” I don’t care [claps]. How many people this time? This time it doesn’t really matter. I’ve come out of the woods bathed in blood and not think of it, that’s not normal. That’s not normal that you would do that. I’ve woken up with some man’s body next to me with my knife in his chest and I couldn’t remember doing it. He might have come up to me whilst I was asleep, and I did it in my sleep and I went right back to sleep. That’s not normal, normal human beings don’t act that way. I had to get out; I couldn’t continue that way, I kept thinking, I kept thinking I was bad.
So, I guess I regretted it , I felt remorse then because otherwise I wouldn’t have gottan out.
23.32 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
It’s strange being a father of two kids, its definitely something odd about the way I feel, maybe that is why I was a sniper, but I don’t feel things that other people feel.
They don’t register the same way I know, because everybody glorifies fatherhood and things like that. I love my kids to death for sure, I do… it’s just strange that they would just give them to me and they just say take, its yours.
24:10 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
It’s just feel strange there is no one supervising, maybe cos I’m a nut, I mean like they shouldn’t be giving me children, but they are turning out terrific and [laughs], it just feels strange.
24:21 Noel Rodriguez (U.S Marine Corp Sniper( Ret,)
I guess my last words were, those were [hesitates] right or wrong, those were my days of glory. Right or wrong, I was on top of the world.
CREDITS
Feature Report: For Dad
Director /Producer /Editor
Alexander Fernandez
Special thanks to:
SGT. Noel Rodriguez
Production Company
The Pajarito Productions
Programe out: 24:55 ( Fin)