[00:00:01:14]
[BISHEK, KYRGYZSTAN]
[00:00:07:14]
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Alright.
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[THOMAS MORTON
VICE]
Hi. It's Thomas. We're in Bishek.
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I'm on a Kökbörü horse.
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That's basically polo,
but you play with a dead goat.
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It is one of Kyrgyztan's
many fine traditions.
[00:00:33:19]
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One of the other traditions
a little less fun is
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kidnapping women
and making them your bride.
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We're gonna go out of Bishek
up into the hills and see that happen.
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[BRIDE KIDNAPPING IN KYRGYZSTAN
PART 1 OF 5]
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Kyrgyzstan is a tiny landlocked country
next to China
[00:00:53:09]
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that spent most of the last centuries
as part of the Soviet Union.
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Prior to that, it was a wild,
tribally-ruled Conan land
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known for its people's horsemanship,
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the mythic hero, Minas,
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[00:01:04:00]
and for being the birthplace
of the Black Plague.
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[00:01:06:09]
The Kyrgyz people
celebrated the end of Communism
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[00:01:08:13]
by adopting Islam as the state religion
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and getting really into
their old national identity,
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[00:01:13:04]
some parts of which jive nicely
with the modern times.
[00:01:15:19]
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Others of which didn't.
[00:01:17:21]
[00:01:18:00]
Let me go.
[00:01:19:01]
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I won't stay.
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Bride kidnapping is a traditional way
of getting married
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that supposedly dates back
to the horse days.
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How it works is:
a guy wants to marry a girl,
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he gets a few of his friends together,
they grab the girl off the street,
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and they drive her back to his place,
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and his mom and aunts try to convince her
that marrying their son is the right move,
[00:01:37:01]
[00:01:37:05]
even if he's a total stranger.
[00:01:39:10]
[00:01:39:15]
We'd heard a young East Kyrgyz villager
named Kubanti
[00:01:42:12]
[00:01:42:16]
was in the market for a bride.
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So, we offered up our services
as wedding photographers.
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Please come in.
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We meet together here to witness
the marriage of our son Kubanti.
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Now we are taking care of
his pre-marriage planning.
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Actually we are almost done
with everything.
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They just need to go get
the bride and bring her here.
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Be careful not to let her run away.
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So far this is very similar
to a Western wedding or so.
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All of the family together.
Favorite uncle holding court.
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At the table, a lot of food.
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It's hard to reconcile this hospitality
with the
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[00:02:32:10]
kind of potential violence
that's about to happen.
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Leave me alone.
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Bride kidnapping is not a fringe custom.
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In rural areas, nearly half
of all marriages result from it.
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I won't stay!
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And while it's technically illegal
to kidnap your wife,
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not many Kyrgyz cops realize this
and even fewer care.
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I'm dating someone.
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No you're not!
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No one dates!
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There are two laws
that make kidnapping illegal,
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[RUSSELL KLEINBACH
BRIDE KIDNAPPING EXPERT]
even in cases where the couple love each other.
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I know a number of cases
where the woman said,
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"I was kidnapped.
I loved the man.
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I wanted to marry him,
but I did not want to be kidnapped,
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because it's very humiliating to be
physically captured and forced into a car."
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I'm leaving!
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The majority of the police
and the officials in the country
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don't even know it's illegal,
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or if they do,
they believe it's an old tradition.
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We are Kyrgyz.
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It's a tradition, it's in our blood.
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[MADIEV TYNCHTYK
KIDNAPPER]
Yes, we are breaking the law,
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but here everybody understands
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this is a tradition
and you can't change it.
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[ORMONOVA ELMIRA
KIDNAPEE]
When we met for the first time,
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I remember he asked me,
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"Should I send my parents or
should I just kidnap you?"
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I replied, "Don't do it,
I have a boyfriend."
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And the second time we met
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he just kidnapped me.
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I can say that I fell in love
the first time I saw her.
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You saw me once and fell in love?
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-Yes, that's what I'm saying.
-Say that one more time.
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Say honestly that you saw me once,
fell in love, and wanted to kidnap me.
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Yes, it was exactly like that.
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Or are you embarrassed of that?
There's nothing bad about falling love!
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Back at Kubanti's place,
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the groomsmen pop a final squat
to coordinate the snatch.
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Hold on, you are the driver.
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We're planning the kidnapping right now.
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How long have you guys been planning this?
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For about one month.
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[JEKSHENBOKOV KUBANYEHBEK (KUBANTI)
FUTURE GROOM]
Who's the girl?
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Is it somebody you've been friends with?
Somebody you know?
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Or is it somebody that your family knows?
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She is just my friend.
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We've known each other for a long time.
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She thinks we are going to just
come to her with my family.
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She knows that she is going to be my wife,
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but she's not expecting
to be kidnapped today.
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You guys be careful,
don't make her black and blue.
[00:04:56:07]
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While bride kidnapping
is largely a rural phenomenon,
[00:05:02:16]
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there's been a spike in cities
in recent years,
[00:05:05:07]
[00:05:05:11]
generally attributed to the success of
[00:05:07:10]
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Ernest Abdyjaparov's
2007 pro kidnapping film, Boz Salkyn.
[00:05:12:03]
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In 2007
the birth certificate department noted
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that one in every five girls was named Asema,
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after the main character in the film.
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That's how popular the movie was.
[00:05:20:12]
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Is this Abylkasym's home?
[00:05:22:11]
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Yes.
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We are guilty of stealing your daughter!
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The mayor of the city Osh asked me,
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[00:05:28:12]
"Why did you make this movie?
[00:05:32:20]
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Now everybody will think that
we are always kidnapping brides."
[00:05:36:15]
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I think he was just trying to hide a truth.
[00:05:42:11]
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I think that the reason bride
kidnapping is on the rise
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is as a way of reviving some
of the aspects of our culture.
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The West condemns bride kidnapping,
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but they offer us
nothing that we can follow,
[00:06:05:12]
[00:06:05:16]
except gay and lesbian marriages,
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HIV infections, divorce, orphan kids,
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[00:06:12:15]
brutality, violence, and drugs.
[00:06:15:15]
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All of these things
are coming from the West,
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we never had that before.
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With the plan locked in place and the
bridal yurt set up for the reception,
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all that was left for Kubanti and his pals
was to go secure the bride.
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I am very nervous.
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I'm excited.
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We wish you a happy journey.
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Get there safe
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[00:06:42:08]
and get back safe, too.
[00:06:43:15]
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Kubanti's uncle gave the boys
one final "good luck" blessing
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and they all piled into the getaway van.
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Good luck, guys.
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Go, go.
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Turn the music up.
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[00:06:58:24]
[VICE
CONTINUED IN PART 2
2011 VICE MEDIA, INC.]
[00:07:04:09]
[00:00:04:18]
Our beautiful girls are committing
suicide because of kidnapping.
[00:00:09:18]
[00:00:09:22]
Please help us to destroy this
awful crime from our society.
[00:00:14:12]
[00:00:14:21]
[BRIDE KIDNAPPING
IN KYRGYZSTAN
PART 2 OF 5]
[00:00:18:13]
[00:00:18:17]
Spousal abuse is higher
in kidnap marriages.
[00:00:21:09]
[00:00:21:13]
Divorce rate is higher
in kidnap marriages.
[00:00:23:21]
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There's a higher percentage of women
who go through that process
[00:00:27:05]
[00:00:27:09]
who wind up rejected by families
and going into prostitution.
[00:00:30:23]
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And suicide rates are higher
among women who are kidnapped.
[00:00:34:06]
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My daughter was kidnapped
in the village where we live.
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For three months she struggled with
that life and finally she committed suicide.
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What do we have now?
Nothing but sorrow.
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What can I say?
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[ABDYSHOVA ZYINAGUL
MOTHER OF KIDNAP VICTIM]
[00:00:56:09]
[00:00:57:03]
This is my baby.
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She used to have lots of plans
for the future.
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She killed herself only because
she was so upset at that moment.
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She couldn't stop herself.
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She was so unhappy.
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They kidnapped her at night,
when we weren't home.
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That same night we looked for her,
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we couldn't find her,
and the next afternoon
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we found her and took her back.
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Then our cousins put pressure on us,
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saying it's not right to take her back.
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"This is our culture,
Kyrgyz traditions, you can't do that!"
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So we blessed the marriage and
gave my daughter to them.
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And on March 9th about 4pm
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she hung herself.
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She used to have a boyfriend, Suiun.
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Davlet was also her boyfriend.
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She was picky, so picky and in
the end this guy kidnapped her.
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She told me that he was not a good man,
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uneducated, eccentric
and generally antisocial.
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My poor baby.
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He hurt her, offended, humiliated
her in front of all those people.
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And she couldn't take that!
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Music to the studio Nurzat!
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Turn on the music.
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Yeah, put on the music!
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God help us.
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Right, good luck to us.
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"Newlyweds, we came to your
wedding party to make it more fun."
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[00:02:56:21]
We are nervous.
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If you stay cool, then
everything is going to be okay.
[00:03:01:09]
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I'm also nervous.
[00:03:03:14]
[00:03:03:19]
Don't worry, calm down.
[00:03:05:11]
[00:03:06:21]
We're gonna go to, I guess,
the local watering hole.
[00:03:09:01]
[00:03:09:05]
Like literally, watering hole.
[00:03:11:01]
[00:03:11:05]
That's where they've arranged
with the friend of the bride-to-be
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[00:03:13:22]
to capture her.
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[00:03:16:08]
It's a little animal kingdom, picking off
your bride at the watering spot.
[00:03:19:24]
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There might be policemen.
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[00:03:24:22]
Don't worry!
[00:03:26:16]
[00:03:26:20]
If something happens, we'll talk to them.
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I feel okay about this right now
just because this guy evidently knows her,
[00:03:34:04]
[00:03:34:08]
and I think,
[00:03:35:18]
[00:03:35:22]
in this case, it's just a weird form
of popping the question, it feels like.
[00:03:39:00]
[00:03:39:04]
At the same time
it's an extremely "troubling" institution.
[00:03:43:08]
[00:03:43:12]
Are you guys nervous?
[00:03:45:00]
[00:03:45:04]
Of course, our hearts are pounding.
[00:03:47:08]
[00:03:47:12]
"Newlyweds, we wish your
home is always full of joy."
[00:03:53:04]
[00:03:53:09]
Just stick to the plan and be careful.
[00:03:56:17]
[00:03:58:01]
Nazgul is over there, I see her.
[00:04:00:18]
[00:04:01:16]
Call her and tell her to come here.
[00:04:03:03]
[00:04:03:07]
It's going to cost money to use the phone.
[00:04:04:21]
[00:04:05:00]
Don't worry about it, just call her.
[00:04:08:12]
[00:04:08:16]
Stop on the left in the shadow.
[00:04:11:07]
[00:04:15:11]
So this is the girl's friend
who's gonna help them
[00:04:17:19]
[00:04:17:23]
lure out the bride.
[00:04:20:01]
[00:04:20:05]
They're negotiating with her right now
just planning how to do it.
[00:04:23:08]
[00:04:23:13]
Nazgul could you help us please?
[00:04:26:02]
[00:04:26:06]
We really need you help.
[00:04:28:03]
[00:04:28:07]
You go to Nurgul now and
taker her to the watering hole.
[00:04:32:02]
[00:04:32:06]
Then when you are close
to the watering hole,
[00:04:35:23]
[00:04:36:02]
we'll come in this car
and grab both of you, okay?
[00:04:38:07]
[00:04:38:11]
You can beat us, even cry.
[00:04:41:01]
[00:04:41:07]
Okay, Nazgul, go ahead!
We'll wait for you.
[00:04:44:15]
[00:04:45:09]
You three go ahead.
[00:04:46:24]
[00:04:47:21]
When they start to fight,
we'll drive to you, okay?
[00:04:50:16]
[00:04:50:23]
Good luck!
[00:04:53:02]
[00:04:54:07]
They're just gonna grab her?
There's not like a blanket or anything?
[00:04:56:21]
[00:04:57:00]
Okay, pretty basic.
[00:04:59:01]
[00:05:04:08]
Oh, I feel so nervous.
[00:05:05:18]
[00:05:05:22]
Me too.
[00:05:07:21]
[00:05:09:24]
What are her neighbors thinking?
[00:05:11:24]
[00:05:12:09]
Now we can call them.
[00:05:13:24]
[00:05:14:03]
No, I don't have money on my phone.
[00:05:15:15]
[00:05:15:22]
Damn it!
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[00:05:19:11]
Here we go.
[00:05:21:11]
[00:05:23:13]
Oh, I feel bad.
I'm hot and tears are flowing out.
[00:05:26:21]
[00:05:27:00]
Hey Nurzat! Pick up your head.
[00:05:28:19]
[00:05:28:23]
Get ready.
[00:05:30:16]
[00:05:32:15]
Get ready, turn on the car.
[00:05:34:17]
[00:05:43:04]
Now, let's go.
[00:05:44:22]
[00:05:58:00]
Mom!
[00:05:59:14]
[00:06:13:16]
Oh my God!
[00:06:15:16]
[00:06:15:20]
That got very real in a hurry.
[00:06:18:01]
[00:06:18:07]
Mom!
[00:06:19:22]
[00:06:20:05]
Let me go!
[00:06:22:02]
[00:06:22:07]
Go straight.
[00:06:23:24]
[00:06:25:04]
Where are we going?
[00:06:27:04]
[00:06:27:14]
Calm down, girl!
[00:06:30:06]
[00:06:31:12]
Hold her hands.
[00:06:32:23]
[00:06:33:02]
Mom!
[00:06:34:13]
[00:06:36:00]
It's all right, girl!
[00:06:38:00]
[00:06:40:22]
Let us go!
[00:06:42:13]
[00:06:43:19]
Go, go, go.
[00:06:45:00]
[00:06:45:04]
Hold her feet down.
[00:06:46:22]
[00:06:48:12]
Let me go.
[00:06:49:13]
[00:06:49:18]
Calm down girl, you'll be fine,
you'll be happy.
[00:06:52:22]
[00:06:53:01]
All girls must get married.
[00:06:54:11]
[00:06:54:15]
You will be happy.
[00:06:56:04]
[00:06:56:16]
You're crying so you'll be happy.
[00:06:59:14]
[00:07:00:02]
That's correct.
Girls will be happy if they get married crying.
[00:07:02:18]
[00:07:07:00]
Let me go!
[00:07:08:23]
[00:07:13:15]
No! Mom!
[00:07:15:19]
[00:07:18:18]
Nurzat, park inside!
[00:07:20:18]
[00:07:25:06]
Stop, stop, open the door!
[00:07:27:06]
[00:07:27:17]
Open the door!
[00:07:29:17]
[00:07:31:13]
Be quick.
[00:07:33:22]
[00:07:37:18]
Let her go!
[00:07:40:01]
[00:07:53:12]
[VICE
CONTINUED IN PART 3
2011 VICE MEDIA, INC.]
[00:07:55:12]
[00:00:04:00]
[BRIDE KIDNAPPING
IN KYRGYZSTAN
PART 3 OF 5]
[00:00:06:20]
[00:00:17:07]
Calm down, honey!
[00:00:18:20]
[00:00:19:08]
You will be happy!
[00:00:20:15]
[00:00:20:19]
Take the scarf, honey!
[00:00:22:23]
[00:00:23:06]
From here on, it's up to the women in the family to get the girl
[00:00:25:20]
[00:00:25:24]
to put on the bridal scarf and agree to the wedding
[00:00:28:02]
[00:00:28:23]
-- a process that can go on for hours, or even days.
[00:00:32:05]
[00:00:32:09]
Momma!
[00:00:33:04]
[00:00:33:16]
Calm down, dear!
[00:00:35:01]
[00:00:36:00]
Don't do that, don't push it away.
[00:00:38:00]
[00:00:38:06]
We wish you the best, don't push it away.
[00:00:40:20]
[00:00:47:24]
Don't take it off.
[00:00:50:01]
[00:00:50:08]
Let's pray to God now!
[00:00:52:14]
[00:00:55:00]
Chachyla has covered you, so you should stay.
[00:00:56:17]
[00:00:59:03]
Let's try the candies now.
[00:01:02:10]
[00:01:03:05]
Thank you.
[00:01:04:13]
[00:01:04:23]
This is a very confusing scene.
[00:01:07:13]
[00:01:08:08]
Try this, honey.
[00:01:10:08]
[00:01:10:12]
The girl's accepted what happened,
[00:01:12:21]
[00:01:13:00]
but I don't know if she was putting up resistance
[00:01:14:23]
[00:01:15:02]
because that's what you're supposed to do,
[00:01:16:03]
[00:01:16:07]
or if she was genuinely freaked out. She's eating cookies now, though,
[00:01:20:04]
[00:01:20:08]
and accepted candy, which I did too,
[00:01:22:10]
[00:01:22:14]
which I don't know how I feel about that.
[00:01:24:10]
[00:01:25:05]
Lean one more time, and one more time.
[00:01:27:11]
[00:01:27:15]
This is one of the ways to build the family.
[00:01:30:06]
[00:01:30:15]
Nowadays, whenever a guy is proposing,
[00:01:33:14]
[00:01:33:18]
most of the time he gets a negative answer from girls.
[00:01:38:04]
[00:01:38:08]
Even though they want to say yes!
[00:01:41:11]
[00:01:41:17]
This is our mentality:
[00:01:44:01]
[00:01:44:05]
The answer "no" means innocent, pure.
[00:01:46:18]
[00:01:46:22]
If she says yes, everybody will think
[00:01:48:21]
[00:01:49:00]
that she is desperate to get married.
[00:01:51:15]
[00:01:52:18]
We were sweating!
[00:01:54:17]
[00:01:54:21]
They were also sweating.
[00:01:57:12]
[00:01:57:16]
Yeah, it was not easy.
[00:01:58:22]
[00:02:00:00]
Well, everybody's all smiles.
[00:02:02:00]
[00:02:02:21]
I hope she likes her groom.
[00:02:05:05]
[00:02:16:24]
[KULENBEKOV SULTAN
GROOM'S UNCLE]
[00:02:18:05]
[00:02:18:10]
Is this what a wedding's normally like around here?
[00:02:19:18]
[00:02:19:22]
Yes, it's exactly like this.
[00:02:21:20]
[00:02:22:00]
Most people get married exactly like this.
[00:02:24:16]
[00:02:24:20]
First people negotiate, and then they kidnap the girl.
[00:02:29:17]
[00:02:30:20]
And she will stay,
[00:02:32:02]
[00:02:32:16]
and they will live friendly and happy.
[00:02:36:10]
[00:02:37:03]
Sometimes girls are angry, but we do everything so that they stay.
[00:02:41:07]
[00:02:41:11]
And by our tradition, if a girl spends one night,
[00:02:46:05]
[00:02:46:16]
then she'll stay forever.
[00:02:49:18]
[00:02:49:22]
Why do that do that?
[00:02:50:17]
[00:02:50:21]
If the families already know each other and are fine with it,
[00:02:53:09]
[00:02:53:13]
why the kidnapping? Where does that come from?
[00:02:55:24]
[00:02:56:04]
Well, it comes from the times of the ancient Manas hero.
[00:03:01:16]
[00:03:02:03]
From ancient times, since Kyrgyz people have appeared,
[00:03:10:11]
[00:03:10:19]
the tradition has also appeared.
[00:03:14:00]
[00:03:17:19]
In Kyrgyzstan, tradition stands even above religion, I think,
[00:03:21:00]
[00:03:21:04]
in terms of importance, and religion above law.
[00:03:23:03]
[00:03:24:12]
The oral tradition of Kyrgyzstan is the Manas epic.
[00:03:27:21]
[00:03:28:01]
Manas is the authority;
[00:03:29:14]
[00:03:29:18]
it's akin to being in the Midwest and quoting the Bible.
[00:03:32:02]
[00:03:32:17]
If this is Kyrgyz tradition, it should be in the Manas.
[00:03:36:00]
[00:03:36:04]
Manas is Kyrgyz, Kyrgyz is Manas,
[00:03:38:02]
[00:03:38:10]
and there's no stories that cannot be in that oral tradition.
[00:03:41:17]
[00:03:42:21]
It's a violation of Islam, it's a violation of law,
[00:03:45:20]
[00:03:45:24]
and it's pretty clear that, prior to the Soviet period,
[00:03:48:02]
[00:03:48:06]
it was very uncommon and was not an acceptable traditional practice,
[00:03:52:15]
[00:03:52:19]
even though it happened sometimes.
[00:03:55:08]
[00:04:01:16]
God...
[00:04:02:12]
[00:04:02:16]
it just gets rougher and rougher.
[00:04:05:01]
[00:04:07:23]
So, did everything work out?
[00:04:08:19]
[00:04:08:23]
Yes, everything worked according to plan.
[00:04:10:21]
[00:04:11:01]
It looked like she was fighting pretty hard in the van.
[00:04:13:10]
[00:04:13:14]
I'm surprised you weren't more, like, beat up.
[00:04:16:05]
[00:04:16:09]
She was afraid. It's the first time, and she's never been here before.
[00:04:23:02]
[00:04:23:06]
That's why she was crying.
[00:04:25:18]
[00:04:25:23]
Did she know who she was marrying, once she got in the car?
[00:04:27:12]
[00:04:27:16]
Did she know who she was marrying, once she got in the car?
[00:04:30:06]
[00:04:30:17]
Yes, she did.
[00:04:31:18]
[00:04:33:09]
It was clear. I mean, you're clearly also wearing the nicest clothes.
[00:04:37:01]
[00:04:37:05]
And you knew her, and you've been dating her.
[00:04:39:06]
[00:04:39:10]
So, it makes sense.
[00:04:40:06]
[00:04:40:10]
What happens next?
Do you have to go get her family?
[00:04:43:13]
[00:04:43:17]
Yes, they will go to her family now.
[00:04:47:10]
[00:04:47:16]
But she agreed, so the celebration continues here.
[00:04:52:00]
[00:04:53:16]
So the bride's been 'napped, the sheep's been slaughtered.
[00:04:56:08]
[00:04:57:02]
So we're really getting into the thick of the wedding right now.
[00:05:00:07]
[00:05:00:11]
It kind of occurs to me know that compared to American groomsmen,
[00:05:03:14]
[00:05:03:18]
Kyrgyz groomsmen have a rough job.
[00:05:05:21]
[00:05:06:01]
Nobody has to complain about having to stage a bachelor party, or buy gifts,
[00:05:09:10]
[00:05:09:18]
or wear a suit.
[00:05:10:18]
[00:05:10:22]
We don't have to kidnap a girl or cut open a sheep.
[00:05:13:19]
[00:05:13:23]
God knows what else is going to happen.
[00:05:15:04]
[00:05:18:15]
So, you're the grill master here.
[00:05:19:16]
[00:05:19:20]
[ABDYLDA UULU RYSBEK
GROOM'S FRIEND]
[00:05:20:21]
[00:05:21:01]
What's that furry part?
[00:05:23:02]
[00:05:24:01]
That's the lungs?
[00:05:25:01]
[00:05:25:10]
It's stomach.
[00:05:26:11]
[00:05:26:16]
Stomach, okay.
[00:05:27:20]
[00:05:28:09]
Could you have gotten in trouble for this?
[00:05:29:17]
[00:05:29:21]
I mean, if a policeman or someone had seen you,
[00:05:31:23]
[00:05:32:02]
could they have, like, stopped you?
[00:05:33:14]
[00:05:34:17]
Well, we might have gotten into trouble,
[00:05:36:23]
[00:05:37:02]
but we know most of them,
[00:05:41:00]
[00:05:41:04]
and we'd have talked to them,
[00:05:44:03]
[00:05:44:07]
and explained that it's a wedding party.
[00:05:48:14]
[00:05:48:21]
And they'd be fine with it.
[00:05:50:07]
[00:05:50:11]
Okay. What's the best part of the sheep?
[00:05:52:03]
[00:05:54:08]
Oh, those floppy ears.
[00:05:55:17]
[00:05:56:05]
There you go.
[00:05:57:06]
[00:05:57:10]
[CONTINUED IN PART 4]
[00:06:03:06]
[00:00:08:02]
[BRIDE KIDNAPPING IN KYRGYZSTAN
PART 4 OF 5]
[00:00:09:01]
[00:00:09:13]
Once the girls finally said "yes,"
[00:00:10:23]
[00:00:11:02]
the men from the groom's family go over to the bride's house
[00:00:13:10]
[00:00:13:14]
and tell their parents,
[00:00:14:09]
[00:00:14:13]
"Sorry we kidnapped your daughter. Is that okay?"
[00:00:17:10]
[00:00:17:19]
Unsurprisingly, this process can also take a while.
[00:00:20:11]
[00:00:20:22]
The men bring tons of gifts and food to smooth things over.
[00:00:24:00]
[00:00:24:07]
So that hopefully the bride's family will think of it less as losing a daughter,
[00:00:27:08]
[00:00:27:12]
more as gaining a sheep.
[00:00:28:24]
[00:00:30:03]
This is the bride's family.
[00:00:31:05]
[00:00:31:09]
Or, the bride to be.
[00:00:33:08]
[00:00:33:12]
So they aren't allowed in yet
[00:00:34:23]
[00:00:35:02]
to see the family.
[00:00:36:07]
[00:00:36:24]
So what's happening right now? Why do you have to wait?
[00:00:39:13]
[00:00:39:22]
We are guilty, we are thieves, so we need to wait.
[00:00:45:03]
[00:00:45:07]
That's why whatever they ask of us, we'll do it.
[00:00:51:07]
[00:00:53:17]
Okay, they're allowing us in.
- Okay. That was short.
[00:00:56:02]
[00:01:11:05]
I'm starting to get a little suspicious
[00:01:12:21]
[00:01:13:00]
that the bride's family may have known about this ahead of time.
[00:01:17:09]
[00:01:17:13]
This is a pretty nice spread to put out on like an hour's notice.
[00:01:21:00]
[00:01:22:03]
This is Jekshenbek, Kubanti's father.
[00:01:23:24]
[00:01:24:03]
I heard about it too late.
[00:01:26:19]
[00:01:27:01]
You won't give her to us?
[00:01:28:09]
[00:01:28:13]
I'd keep her one more year.
[00:01:30:12]
[00:01:31:09]
But it was too late when I heard.
[00:01:34:21]
[00:01:35:06]
If we didn't know you, we'd not be giving her to you.
[00:01:37:18]
[00:01:37:20]
She needed to finish her school!
[00:01:39:22]
[00:01:40:08]
We apologize for all our faults, for everything, so we admit our guilt.
[00:01:43:04]
[00:01:43:08]
Well, it's a little sad for me.
[00:01:46:07]
[00:01:46:11]
We just wish happiness for our children.
[00:01:49:06]
[00:01:49:12]
We'll take care of them.
[00:01:51:10]
[00:01:51:14]
Well, let's just wish them happiness.
[00:01:54:23]
[00:01:55:02]
But you'll make sure she finishes school, okay?
[00:01:57:13]
[00:01:57:22]
[DUISHENBIEVE SOIROGUL
BRIDE'S MOTHER]
How are you feeling about all this?
[00:02:00:20]
[00:02:01:00]
I feel like I lost something, I feel a little bad.
[00:02:04:20]
[00:02:05:03]
But I also feel happy.
[00:02:07:05]
[00:02:08:02]
Because now I have a son too.
[00:02:11:12]
[00:02:11:23]
The custom, the taking her up off the street,
[00:02:14:04]
[00:02:14:08]
is that how people got married when you were little?
[00:02:15:24]
[00:02:16:03]
[SABIRA DUISHOBAEVA
BRIDE'S GRANDMOTHER]
Of course.
[00:02:19:06]
[00:02:20:14]
It's okay, it's over now.
[00:02:23:09]
[00:02:23:13]
My husband kidnapped me too.
[00:02:25:22]
[00:02:26:01]
I was a little old at the time, I was 25,
[00:02:31:07]
[00:02:31:11]
so I should have gotten married anyways.
[00:02:34:17]
[00:02:34:21]
So I agreed to get married by kidnapping.
[00:02:37:07]
[00:02:38:05]
No, I don't think it's a good idea, but what can we do?
[00:02:41:22]
[00:02:42:12]
It comes from ancient times.
[00:02:44:19]
[00:02:50:18]
Everyone kept telling us how old and hallowed the practice of bride kidnapping was.
[00:02:54:19]
[00:02:55:00]
But if it's not even in Manas, the country's national epic,
[00:02:58:14]
[00:02:58:18]
how old actually is it?
[00:03:00:02]
[00:03:01:03]
If we go back to the 19th century when you had tribal groups,
[00:03:04:13]
[00:03:04:19]
they would go through villages and they would steal horses and cattle and women.
[00:03:08:01]
[00:03:08:05]
So there is a tradition of stealing.
[00:03:09:18]
[00:03:09:22]
But it would produce a real conflict between tribes
[00:03:12:14]
[00:03:12:18]
and was not an acceptable traditional practice.
[00:03:15:13]
[00:03:15:17]
All the evidence shows that kidnapping was on an increase
[00:03:18:20]
[00:03:18:24]
from the latter period of the Soviet period and then it continued to increase
[00:03:22:00]
[00:03:22:04]
at the end of the Soviet period.
[00:03:23:20]
[00:03:24:14]
The Soviets said, "First of all, we're going to stop marriages of young girls
[00:03:28:12]
[00:03:28:16]
before the age of 15 or so.
[00:03:30:15]
[00:03:30:19]
We're going to now send both boys and girls to high school and college.
[00:03:33:23]
[00:03:34:02]
We collectivize the wealth so there's no money for bride price and the dowry."
[00:03:38:00]
[00:03:38:04]
So now the young people are getting older before they get married,
[00:03:40:18]
[00:03:40:22]
they go off to the university and they may come back and say,
[00:03:43:23]
[00:03:44:02]
"I've found someone I'd like to marry."
[00:03:45:21]
[00:03:46:00]
And the parents say, "No, we're arranging a marriage for you in the village."
[00:03:49:07]
[00:03:49:11]
So she might go back to the university, or he,
[00:03:52:00]
[00:03:52:04]
talk to the boyfriend or girlfriend that says,
[00:03:54:00]
[00:03:54:05]
"Is there any legitimate way we can get married
[00:03:56:16]
[00:03:56:20]
against our parents' wishes?"
[00:03:58:05]
[00:03:58:09]
"Well, I will kidnap you, take you to my home, keep you overnight,
[00:04:01:12]
[00:04:01:16]
then they will consider you an unclaimed girl
[00:04:03:15]
[00:04:03:19]
and so they will have to let you marry me."
[00:04:05:14]
[00:04:05:18]
And I think, strangely enough,
[00:04:07:09]
[00:04:07:13]
kidnapping is a response to the Soviets bringing about more equality
[00:04:11:10]
[00:04:11:14]
for men and women.
[00:04:12:13]
[00:04:13:16]
We wish them good health and many kids.
[00:04:18:01]
[00:04:18:13]
We wish them the best.
[00:04:19:16]
[00:04:19:20]
Thank you.
[00:04:21:15]
[00:04:22:02]
So let's drink to that.
[00:04:24:15]
[00:04:24:17]
If Kubanti's father will start, then we'll follow him.
[00:04:28:14]
[00:04:28:18]
We need to explain, sorry.
[00:04:29:20]
[00:04:30:15]
I'm more than sixty and I never drink.
[00:04:36:03]
[00:04:36:13]
You came here and you are our main guests.
[00:04:41:19]
[00:04:41:23]
And we will not accept your words, it's not good.
[00:04:45:10]
[00:04:45:15]
You need to drink the first one!
[00:04:47:21]
[00:04:48:00]
You must!
[00:04:51:00]
[00:04:51:04]
Sorry, but I didn't drink when I had my son, nor when I had my daughter.
[00:04:55:09]
[00:04:55:17]
I've never even tried it at all.
[00:04:58:21]
[00:04:59:00]
I am so sorry, but we need to drink the first glass together.
[00:05:04:24]
[00:05:05:03]
Come on, let's have it!
[00:05:07:06]
[00:05:07:18]
For the children's happiness.
[00:05:12:20]
[00:05:12:24]
Okay, let's have it.
[00:05:15:17]
[00:05:23:06]
Thank you.
[00:05:24:10]
[00:05:25:06]
While we were busy doing vodka shots with mayonnaise chasers,
[00:05:28:07]
[00:05:28:14]
the local imam stopped by the wedding yurt to make the marriage official.
[00:05:31:22]
[00:05:34:14]
Did you know you were about to get married?
[00:05:37:21]
[00:05:38:05]
No.
[00:05:39:10]
[00:05:39:22]
[OMURBEK KYZY NURGUL
BRIDE]
He promised that we'd get married another way.
[00:05:41:22]
[00:05:43:17]
How do you feel right now?
[00:05:45:03]
[00:05:45:18]
I wanted to cry a few hours ago when I first got here.
[00:05:50:11]
[00:05:53:19]
Now just a bit tired.
[00:05:55:06]
[00:05:55:22]
Allah is making two strangers come together.
[00:06:01:22]
[00:06:02:01]
Their responsibility in Shariat is called "Nikah."
[00:06:05:21]
[00:06:06:00]
One of the rules of Nikah is to know from the bride
[00:06:08:24]
[00:06:09:03]
if she agrees to accept her husband,
[00:06:12:23]
[00:06:13:02]
if she comes with her own will to this house.
[00:06:16:05]
[00:06:16:09]
Can you tell us, did you agree to become
[00:06:19:23]
[00:06:20:02]
his wife forever and it's a decision you made yourself?
[00:06:22:17]
[00:06:22:21]
Yes, I did.
[00:06:23:18]
[00:06:23:22]
Did you want to marry him?
[00:06:25:04]
[00:06:25:10]
Yes, but I didn't want to get married now.
[00:06:27:11]
[00:06:27:17]
You accepted the scarf very quickly. Why didn't you fight more?
[00:06:31:08]
[00:06:32:00]
Since I was already taken, they wouldn't leave me alone anyhow.
[00:06:37:10]
[00:06:37:14]
I think that it's kind of our tradition.
[00:06:41:13]
[00:06:41:19]
Actually it's a custom which comes from ancient times.
[00:06:45:22]
[00:06:46:01]
Do you, Jekshenbokov Kubanyehbek,
[00:06:47:18]
[00:06:47:22]
take Omurbek Kyzy Nurgul as your future wife forever?
[00:06:51:18]
[00:06:52:05]
I do.
[00:06:53:18]
[00:06:53:22]
Now, Omurbek Kyzy Nurgul, do you agree to be
[00:06:56:15]
[00:06:56:19]
the wife of Jekshenbokov Kubanyehbek forever?
[00:07:00:17]
[00:07:00:21]
Yes, I do.
[00:07:01:13]
[00:07:01:24]
You're still in school, right? Are you going to finish school?
[00:07:04:05]
[00:07:04:12]
I hope I will, I'll try to finish it.
[00:07:09:11]
[00:07:10:01]
But we'll see.
[00:07:11:08]
[00:07:12:01]
And from now you can serve your parents.
[00:07:17:04]
[00:07:18:15]
You need to go out with your back first.
[00:07:22:08]
[00:07:23:24]
You can lead her to the kitchen.
[00:07:27:15]
[00:07:27:24]
Yes, show her the house and kitchen.
[00:07:32:02]
[00:07:33:17]
[CONCLUDED IN PART 5]
[00:07:39:14]
[00:00:09:09]
It's got kind of a western
flair to it.
[00:00:12:00]
[00:00:12:09]
Wow! That's very shiny.
[00:00:14:19]
[00:00:15:00]
The wedding itself was yesterday, but
the celebration is today.
[00:00:18:11]
[00:00:19:14]
Can class ourselves up a little bit.
[00:00:21:18]
[00:00:22:03]
Yeah. Suits here are very
shiny though.
[00:00:24:11]
[00:00:26:00]
I think this might be the winner.
[00:00:27:03]
[00:00:27:24]
Minimally shiny.
[00:00:29:09]
[00:00:29:18]
Still shiny enough to go to
a wedding in.
[00:00:31:18]
[00:00:32:08]
I think I found my suit.
[00:00:33:14]
[00:00:34:02]
We're really getting into the spirit
of the festivities,
[00:00:36:02]
[00:00:36:06]
which was kind of unsettling
considering we had just seen a girl
[00:00:39:02]
[00:00:39:06]
get abducted off the street.
[00:00:40:14]
[00:00:40:19]
Yeah. Yeah that's definitely it.
[00:00:42:06]
[00:00:42:18]
There are maybe only two or three
cases a year
[00:00:45:02]
[00:00:45:06]
when women who are kidnapped by force
[00:00:49:03]
[00:00:49:09]
turn to us.
[00:00:51:02]
[00:00:51:06]
Unfortunately 95% of women stay,
even if they don't know him.
[00:00:54:20]
[00:00:54:24]
The reason is that Kyrgyz girls are
educated from childhood to be obedient.
[00:01:02:11]
[00:01:02:15]
And here we see the result of that.
[00:01:06:15]
[00:01:06:19]
We see domestic violence,
divorce and abandoned children.
[00:01:11:06]
[00:01:11:10]
There are cases when the family
lives happily,
[00:01:13:10]
[00:01:13:14]
or the woman tolerated him
all her life,
[00:01:17:07]
[00:01:17:11]
there is no love, nothing.
[00:01:19:24]
[00:01:20:08]
Hello.
[00:01:21:10]
[00:01:23:13]
How you doing?
[00:01:25:13]
[00:01:27:04]
We got a... some cooking-ware
for the bride to be.
[00:01:30:19]
[00:01:31:01]
Then for uncle Sultan we got
some smokes.
[00:01:34:09]
[00:01:35:00]
Yeah. You're welcome.
[00:01:36:19]
[00:01:37:14]
Everyone is wearing
t-shirts and jeans.
[00:01:39:14]
[00:01:39:18]
Just bought this suit.
Okay.
[00:01:41:15]
[00:01:42:14]
Hey. This is for you and
your wife.
[00:01:45:22]
[00:01:46:10]
-Thank you!
-Yeah of course.
[00:01:47:12]
[00:01:48:01]
Working on the intestines there.
[00:01:49:07]
[00:01:49:11]
Hello.
[00:01:50:14]
[00:01:54:08]
Last night we stayed up late with the
bride's family.
[00:01:58:10]
[00:01:59:02]
We drank... a lot.
We ate probably all of a sheep.
[00:02:03:17]
[00:02:03:21]
And now we're back to drinking,
eating fry bread.
[00:02:07:06]
[00:02:07:10]
Ooh, and salad.
[00:02:08:12]
[00:02:10:05]
Uncle Sultan brought us into
the yurt,
[00:02:12:05]
[00:02:12:09]
and we kind of suspected this is why.
[00:02:14:02]
[00:02:14:06]
Okay, let's drink.
[00:02:16:04]
[00:02:16:10]
More vodka.
[00:02:17:11]
[00:02:25:23]
So right over my left shoulder is the
sheet from their wedding night.
[00:02:29:11]
[00:02:29:15]
Basically, she's a virgin, she's gonna
bleed on the sheet,
[00:02:33:19]
[00:02:33:23]
and they take it out, and that's proof
to everybody, and then they hang it.
[00:02:36:19]
[00:02:36:23]
It's kind of weird. It's sort of puts
a premium on virginity.
[00:02:41:06]
[00:02:41:10]
Never really got that shit but,
there it is. Bride was a virgin.
[00:02:45:09]
[00:02:45:13]
Double good happiness for the
bride and the groom.
[00:02:49:18]
[00:02:55:05]
I asked her why when she is only
16 that she wants to get married?
[00:02:59:11]
[00:02:59:20]
She said she is not 16, but 18.
[00:03:01:23]
[00:03:03:13]
She left so young.
[00:03:05:23]
[00:03:09:00]
Traditionally, the day after a Kyrgyz
wedding the bride has to prove herself
[00:03:11:23]
[00:03:12:02]
to her new family,
especially the women.
[00:03:14:15]
[00:03:14:22]
So it's kind of like a hazing sort of,
almost of women.
[00:03:17:22]
[00:03:18:23]
Still kind not sure how to feel
about this whole thing.
[00:03:21:00]
[00:03:21:04]
Kind of get the impression it might
a case of one family
[00:03:24:10]
[00:03:24:14]
not having lost a daughter, so much as
another gaining a scullery maid.
[00:03:28:09]
[00:03:29:11]
[Nasim] is happy. She says
she's happy.
[00:03:32:04]
[00:03:33:05]
She was planning to finish school
before she got married.
[00:03:35:13]
[00:03:35:17]
She wanted to be a lawyer.
[00:03:39:00]
[00:03:39:04]
It was her dream.
[00:03:41:04]
[00:03:42:16]
Oh I was crying a lot,
about two, three hours.
[00:03:46:06]
[00:03:46:10]
But I just wish her happiness.
[00:03:48:11]
[00:03:49:04]
But I thought she'd finish her school.
[00:03:54:16]
[00:03:55:15]
But it's a life.
[00:03:58:20]
[00:04:01:22]
Smile!
[00:04:03:10]
[00:04:03:14]
1,2,3...
[00:04:04:24]
[00:04:12:09]
We're not gonna pretend to be experts
on the nass or the finer points of Islam,
[00:04:15:14]
[00:04:16:04]
but for all the justifications we've
heard, it seems like the real reason
[00:04:20:00]
[00:04:20:04]
men kidnap women in Kyrgyzstan, is
the same reason they do questionable
[00:04:23:11]
[00:04:23:15]
stuff anywhere.
[00:04:24:15]
[00:04:24:23]
Same reason a dog licks his balls.
[00:04:26:23]
[00:04:27:09]
Because they can, which of course is
the oldest and shittiest reason in the world.
[00:04:31:24]
[00:04:32:12]
Congratulations. Thank you.
[00:04:35:10]