FACELESS – FEATURE-LENGTH VERSION
FINAL POST PRODUCTION SCRIPT – 01/01/2012
01:00:56:16 WOMANSee what happens when you hear this sound.
01:01:19:0501:01:46:0901:02:01:18 SOCIAL WORKER #1This is called, um, therapy group...and it’s an opportunity for all of you to talk about things that are bugging you, problems that you might be having, and as a group, we can try to help each other, with their problems. Because this group is really about being kind, to yourself. Learning how to be kind to yourself, and not to be critical and judgemental.MIKE (Subtitled)My name is Mike, and my voices are very loud today.SOCIAL WORKER #1Your voice is very loud?MIKE (Subtitled)No, my voices...are very loud.SOCIAL WORKER #1Ahhh...okay, thank you for saying that.SOCIAL WORKER #2Hopefully this will help, as a distraction.MIKE (Subtitled)That’s what I was hoping.SOCIAL WORKER #2Feel free to leave if you need to.SOCIAL WORKER #1Or to ask for help.SOCIAL WORKER #2Yeah.DEBI’m Deb…and I’m a former patient…and when I’m not well, I hear voices too.SOCIAL WORKER #2Thanks Deb.
01:02:26:0401:02:51:03 SOCIAL WORKER #1Um, no, I think Anna was saying that when she first came in she felt that, um, she didn’t feel safe…yeah. And now she feels stronger inside and not so fearful and much safer inside and she feels comfortable about going home. I dunno, did…is that…you’re nodding your head.MIKEThat’s how I feel.SOCIAL WORKER #2Yeah?MIKEI don’t feel safe at home.SOCIAL WORKER #1You don’t.MIKEThe voices are getting so loud when I’m at home? And, I don’t watch the news any more, ‘cause…the news just sends messages to me.SOCIAL WORKER #1I see.SOCIAL WORKER #2Right.MIKEY’know, I had a knife to my wrist a week ago, and…that’s why I came here. So I’d feel safe.
01:03:17:1801:04:11:20 SOCIAL WORKER #1I’m just curious…what is it about being here that, over time, helps you to feel safe inside your heart?WILHELMENA (subtitled)If I may say something or other…SOCIAL WORKER #1Yeah…WILHELMENA (subtitled)We have five fingers, but when they’re together in a glove, they feel warmer…isn’t it? You understand? I said, we have five fingers…they all, they have their different jobs. You use your pinky, you crochet, you use different fingers. But when it is very cold, and put on your gloves, they are one. So you feel that togetherness, that warmth.SOCIAL WORKER #1Ah! So Wilhelmena, that’s a good point, actually, let’s explore that a little bit further…so, feeling one, feeling close to other people, makes you feel safe.WILHELMENAYeah, it’s a safety net.MIKEThat makes sense.SOCIAL WORKER #1Doesn’t it, Michael?WILHELMENAYou have that togetherness. Everybody seem to have something that relate to that, so…we are one.
Title: Osaka Sunset Pictures presents 01:05:04:09
Title: FACELESS 01:05:17:03
01:05:20:16 [Announcement] ATTENTION…ATTENTION…ROOM 434A
01:05:34:04 NURSEJulie? Julie? Julie, it’s Suava. Julie. Julie, it’s almost dinner. Would you like to go for a walk with me? Julie. Just tell me yes or not. Julie. Can I touch you? No? Would you like to go for walk with me? No? Tomorrow? You okay, you comfortable? Kay. Dinner is almost ready. So in two minutes, okay? Julie? If you change your mind, just come to me and we will go for walk, okay? No?
01:06:35:06 DEB (V.O.)It’s a long time ago. Seventeen years ago? It was 1993. I was taken to the Emergency. And I had been on my own, manic, in the city, for about a month. And…so that was my first experience of what they call manic. I could connect with people on a different level, like there were no boundaries between me and other people. There was no separateness. We were one. And I was able to open myself – my heart, if you want – to other people in a way that I’d never experienced before. So…I was like that, in the world, just making connections with other people, and that was basically what was going on. I was transgressing boundaries between me and other people.
01:08:06:01 MALE NURSEShe might have hurt herself?MANNo, she hasn’t. What was happening…she was found…MALE NURSEI know they found her on the train tracks.MANYeah…she was dancing around…no signs of suicidality…MALE NURSEYeah, that’s what they say, she hasn’t been sleeping…WOMANDid Kim take her?MALE NURSEI think so.
01:08:29:0201:08:41:03 MALE NURSENo, we have to find out who her doctor is.MANYeah, she hasn’t been admitted or had any follow-ups. She hasn’t taken meds or anything.FEMALE NURSEOh really? Okay.MALESounds like she’s…this could even be almost an initial…first episode.FEMALE NURSEShe’s only 24, right?MALE NURSEYeah…yeah…no, 22. MAN22, yeah.MALE NURSEKim! She’s here.FEMALE NURSEI’ll put this in the fridge.MALE NURSEIs that food too? MANNo, I think this is just belongings. MALE NURSEBecause we usually give them most of their belongings. The only thing we take is sharps and meds and stuff.MALE NURSEWhere? …okay.FEMALE NURSEShe can have her make-up.MALE NURSEYeah.KIMOkay…so I’ll help her…uh, her name is…Maria?MALE NURSEMaria.KIMOkay.
01:09:11:04 MALE NURSEShe can probably keep all of that.FEMALE NURSEShe can keep all of that.
01:09:15:0101:09:54:0801:10:46:15 DEBSo how long have you been here?MARIAUh…just over a week. I had an intuition that taking the subway that day was…was gonna be bad. Something about going down stairs gave me an eerie, eerie feeling. So I walked all the way to the end of the train track where there was a white truck, and I asked a gentleman, I waved them out, they were wearing construction hats and work vests, and I said, Excuse me, can someone help me? Man walks out and he says, well, what do you need? I said, how do I get out? Without going down? And he’s like, come with me. I said, ohhh no no no no no, I don’t know you. First you tell me your name. He says, My name is Chris. I said, Okay, Chris. How do I get out, without going down. Well, you follow me. I said no. I don’t trust you, I’m sorry, I don’t know you, you’re just a man, in a suit, that I don’t know. And I don’t wanna go anywhere with you. Just tell me how to get out. I said, I can see the road. I have money for a taxi. I wanna go to school. How do I get out? Well then he made me start to feel very uncomfortable. I said, Back up. Back away from me. Stay away from my body. I said, This space? Is mine. So you stay in yours, I’ll stay in mine. We’ll comply with each other, yeah? Okay, he agreed to that for a little bit. Then he, he kinda started coming at me again. So I booked it. I friggin’, ran as fast as I could, with a cart, and bags, like, I’m talkin’, probably a good, well over 50 pounds worth of belongings, booked it to the other end of the train track, where there is a clear path between where trains run, so it’s not like I was running in a not safe area, I was between the yellow lines.
01:11:06:17 WILHELMENAYou could put it a little further if you want to. Sheesh. Always fightin’ with me.MIKEWho’s fighting?WILHELMENAYou!
01:11:20:17 WILHELMENA[laughing] You snake! No, you cannot take these cards! You have to make a hand!MIKEWhat are you talking about? I did make a hand!WOMANMind your manners.WILHELMENAYou have to drop one.MIKEWho are you talking to?WILHELMENAWhat did we do that’s not mannerly?MIKENo, I still need the right amount of cards.WILHELMENANo, no, you cannot…WOMANOkay. I’ll just go.MIKEOkay. Fine, fine, fine, we’ll play your way.WILHELMENANot my way, that is the way it goes. You’re a thief. You’re a cheat and a thief. You know that?MIKEOkay.WILHELMENAOkay.
01:11:56:10 MARIASo, then a truck, the same truck, pulled up beside me, and a man who appeared almost like Santa Claus, like, had a beard, looks out the window…”What’sa matter miss?” I said, I want out. I wanna get out of here. And while I’m going through this with them, and they’re trying to come at my person, yes I jumped over train tracks, but only because I looked both ways, and there was no trains coming, and I know I would hear them anyway, they’re loud. So I was hopping, trying to get away from these men that I didn’t know, and then out of nowhere, police officers seized me. Like, literally seized me, and I said DON’T TOUCH MY BODY! YOU NEED MY CONSENT TO TOUCH MY BODY! And they brutalized me.
01:12:44:04 MIKEFifty-five.WILHELMENAI don’t truss you. Let me count. …12. 21.MIKENo! These are five. WILHELMENAPfff. Do what you want. MIKEFifty-five.WILHELMENAI’ll go according to you. So I’m learning a different way.MIKE20, 30, 40, 50…five. So you got twenty points again. WILHELMENAI can go to sleep and let you win, alright…[laughs]…we are playing a totally different game. However, I’m gentle enough to let you go by.
01: 13:26:23 WILHELMENAAnd even though I’m beaten, I can take it like a big girl. Okay? That is what you cannot stand. When I win, or lose, I am still as…no, that’s what I’m sayin’, win or lose, I have to be joking, that’s the type I am.
01:13:52:00 MARIAI have my opportunities in front of me, and I’m gonna use them for a greater good. And, um, it’s not that I don’t think that the medication will help, I know it probably would. But I wanna be proof, that I personally don’t need it. And that’s my own personal battle inside me, but I’m willing to take that challenge right now. And I’m gonna take the sleep aid. Because that’s really the only thing that I don’t do. Is sleep.
01:14:29:18 DEBSo is this the first time that you’ve had what they’ve described to you as a manic episode?MARIAYeah.DEBSo, 22. It first happened to me when I was 26. MARIAWow.DEBAnd I’ve been fighting it for 18 years.MARIAWow.DEBYeah.MARIAThat’s scary.DEBYeah. Took me a long time to kind of accept the fact that I really needed to try the medication, cause it was wrecking my life. I was having longer and longer periods of depression…MARIAOkay. See and I don’t feel depression, like I…well, I haven’t…DEBYet.MARIARight.
01:15:05:11 WILHELMENAYou said you’re not playing, so why are you still there, you want your cards, here, go. Go. You won. Two games.MIKEOkay. I’ll leave. WILHELMENANo, it’s only if you want to, I’m not chasin’ you, but…I don’t like babies around me. [laughing]MIKE[laughs] You’re terrible.WILHELMENASay what you want, what you will. So what can you play? As a normal game? We call it "lago". That is patois for “full deck”. Nah, I don’t want to play anymore.MIKENo, I don’t want to play any more.WILHELMENANo, I know you’re chicken. Baby. [clucks like a chicken]
01:15:45:14 MIKEI thought you were leaving.WILHELMENAI feel like sitting. Not with you, but I feel like sitting. May I? No?MIKENo.WILHELMENACould I sit elsewhere? If I go to my room, I’ll sleep, and I don’t want to sleep, so I can sleep tonight.MIKEOkay. We’ll both just sit here not talking to each other.WILHELMENAUseless. [laughs] Flab. Useless flab, you cannot take blows. You cannot stand the heat, get off the kitchen.
01:16:22:0001:16:48:08 MANSo, the doctor has put you on a form three. And this is going to keep you in the hospital for up to two weeks without your consent. Now, when that happens, you have the right to object to being kept in the hospital. And if you wish, we can apply to something called the consent and capacity board to have a hearing to try and get you released. Are you familiar with that board?WOMAN (subtitled)No, I’m not.MANOkay. Well, the consent and capacity board is very much like a court, they’re set up independent of the hospital or any other agency, and, uh, they have jurisdiction in the area of mental health. They come here to have their hearing, because everybody who asks for a hearing is in the same situation you are, they’re being kept in a hospital. So they travel, so that you don’t have to go to a courthouse. The hearing itself takes one week to happen and you have the right to a lawyer for that. If you can’t afford a lawyer, we can get you one through legal aid, and it doesn’t cost anything at all, if you qualify for legal aid. So having heard all of that, you don’t have to do anything. You can apply later if you want, if you’d like some time to think it over, by all means, you’ve got my card. Or, I can also help you to take an application today and get a lawyer for you. Can you tell me what you’d like to do.
01:17:51:2101:18:45:19 PSYCHIATRISTShe’s not 100% sure she’s ill, some parts of her symptoms she sees as illness and other parts not. I would say that she may or may not like a physician depending on how authoritarian they are, I thought the history of her was very interesting, when she was younger and right through high school if someone told her to do something she would essentially do exactly the opposite of what they asked them, so if they said to sit down, she would refuse to sit down, if they said she couldn’t go to the bathroom, she would leave, she would do all these different things…OCCUPATIONAL THERAPISTShe said she had problems with authority.PSYCHIATRISTYeah…she was identified in school as having problems, she was expelled essentially and had to go to a school that is for significant behavioural problems, but she said one of the more useful things she took was anger management, and I actually think it must have worked very well, because she doesn’t actually present that way. If there’s ever a milieu to bring out authoritarian issues, it’s the inpatient unit, because it’s like a meeting of the bossy boss society, right? We tell her what to do all the time, and if she was gonna have a fight with someone, it would be here.
01:19:30:21 PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTWhat’s your understanding of why you are here? In the hospital, now?MAN (subtitled)Uh…I’m still a bit miffed on that.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTAny rough idea why you are here?MAN (subtitled)Um…eh…not, exactly sure.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTYou know this is a psychiatric ward, so, why do you think you need to be in a psychiatric ward?MAN (subtitled)Uh, because I have a beautiful mind?PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTWhat do you mean by beautiful mind?MANI dunno, I…PSYCHIATRISTDid you see that movie?MANYeah, I saw that movie. I must have some kind of an interesting mind. [laughter]
01:20:23:06 OCCUPATIONAL THERAPISTThank you for coming, today we’re making mini vegetable quiche. Has anyone ever made quiche before? No? Hannah, have you made quiche? No.
01:20:33:15 OCCUPATIONAL THERAPISTSo we’re gonna work as a team and make this meal together. So what one thing on here do you wanna do? Any preferences?
01:20:44:10 WILHELMENACome and tell me if you are unhappy with that size. Not happy, but satisfied.OCCUPATIONAL THERAPISTThat’s fine. Yeah. That’s good. Thank you.WILHELMENA[singing] When I was thirsty, you gave me to drink/now enter into the gates of my kingdom
01:21:10:1401:21:54:22 PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTGetting back to the ward, do you feel safe here in the ward?MANSomewhat safe.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTCause you were mentioning about this radiation at home and…people trying to radiate you…is this still going on here in the ward?MAN (subtitled)Um…no…but…if I think about it, obviously I still have some radiation in mePSYCHIATRISTBut I just don’t understand. How does radiation get into your room?MANStrange one…through the…through the power system, basically.PSYCHIATRISTWho is manipulating the power system? You’ve got a condo, don’t you?MANYeah, I know, but like…PSYCHIATRISTIs it only in your room?MAN[unclear]…probably…I don’t if they closed…shut down the reactors or not, but…um…PSYCHIATRISTBut Greg, it doesn’t make sense. Why would they pick your condo building? Why would they pick your room?MANOh, I’m not suggesting they picked my room, I’m suggesting that it just came to my room.PSYCHIATRISTBut only your room? How does that work?MAN…concentration in my room.PSYCHIATRISTAnd how do you know that? I mean, I have an x-ray and I…I don’t feel anything particularly, I just know because they go click. That’s how I know that there’s radiation.MANUhm…just…I…I just know.
01:22:44:19 OCCUPATIONAL THERAPISTYeah, I think that’s enough, Nana…think we got enough there.WILHELMENAYou can leave some to spread at the top. Why am I so clumsy with the gloves? It’s okay if pieces of the gloves are stuck in it? Nobody’s hearing me. Nobody’s paying attention.OCCUPATIONAL THERAPISTI’m paying attention. What did you say?RECREATIONAL THERAPISTNo pieces of gloves.OCCUPATIONAL THERAPISTNo pieces of gloves.RECREATIONAL THERAPISTI don’t think they’d taste very good, do you?WILHELMENAWhatsoever.OCCUPATIONAL THERAPISTThat’s good.
01:23:22:19 OCCUPATIONAL THERAPISTYou like to sing, eh, Mena?WILHELMENAOh my, yes.OCCUPATIONAL THERAPISTWhat’s your favourite song?WILHELMENAHad it not been that…I have so many you don’t want to know.
01:23:32:05 MANThe radiant heat’s sold.PSYCHIATRISTThe radiant heat?MAN…I think my building should move to radiant heat. Remember radiant heat?PSYCHIATRISTYeah, it’s great. But it doesn’t have radiation. Radiant and radiation, not the same thing.MANIf we have nuclear power, it has radiation.PSYCHIATRISTNo. It’s electricity, or hot water that provides radiant heat.MANBut…if you have nuclear power, then the radiation is gonna get out. Through the wire, right? It’s simple. That’s what generates it.PSYCHIATRISTI know. But does your explanation make sense? That in a private condo…MANIt does not make sense, but…a slew of variables came together and…something happened.PSYCHIATRISTBut you know that people have bipolar disorder, schizoaffective disorder…MAN…and imagine things, yes.PSYCHIATRISTWhen they…it’s not imagining things. Their brains stop working the way they normally do, and you start believing things that actually are not the case. And they’re very, very real. Is it possible that your brain is playing tricks on you because it is not functioning the way it usually does?MANI…I’m not going to deny that possibility. But…PSYCHIATRISTWell that’s good, because then we can work together.
01:25:06:00 PSYCHIATRISTBut he goes from radiation to radiant. And talks about uhhhhh…a root, meaning a, like a plant root, and the root of a word, so, we call that, uh…it’s not strict clanging, but it’s like clanging, when the sound of one word suggests another word, uh…and so they flip from one topic of conversation to another based on associations between the sounds of words.
01:25:50:11 SOCIAL WORKERWhat is it you that like about coffee time? Do you like the conversation, do you like the coffee…?WOMANThe conversation.SOCIAL WORKERYeah. And that’s what it’s really all about, there’s no…there’s no agenda, there’s no…y’know, we try to keep it light, and social. Sometimes we have people read the paper, read the horoscopes, and other times we just talk about current events.
01:26:20:02 WOMANSagittarius. Any Sagittarius?MANYeah, yeah, there’s one right here.WOMANOkay. Someone else appears to be in charge, but you put the strings…you pull the strings from backstage. A family member provides unusual costumes and props. Okay…Capricorn…
01:26:43:0401:27:19:08 [piano playing][TV cartoon sounds][dog howling]
01:27:24:07 SPIRITUAL COUNSELLORGood morning on this chilly, chilly morning. Uh, my name is Phillip, and I’m with the department of Spiritual Care, and this is the spirituality group. Um, the purpose of this group is to provide an opportunity for us to talk about our experiences, share experiences, as well as look at those things which give us meaning. So that we can try to find, uh, some meaning and purpose, and look at maybe some of the connections with who we are and the outside world, to help understand and make meaning of why we are here.
01:28:03:18 SPIRITUAL COUNSELLORBecause I have a whole bunch of sayings that different people have said. Albert Einstein, the Buddha, Nelson Mandela, Carl Jung, John Lennon, a whole – Jesus [laughs] - it’s always good to have Jesus in there. Confucius…so these are all different people who have written on…life. And the meaning of life. And how we find meaning. And so what I would invite you to do at this time is to take about five minutes to look over all of these quotes and pick two, or one, that you find touches you.
01:29:07:24 MANSit. Sit.
01:29:16:07 PSYCHIATRISTSo, okay, well, my goodness, we’ll do it right here in the closet no less. Um, okay. This is the actual machine. And obviously it gets plugged in, but this is the button, and when the machine’s on, there’s actually here it shows you…pulse width, frequency…and these have to do with the waveform of the electricity, and this is the duration, so once we set the duration, it can never be longer than this, even if I hold the button for like two minutes, it will only release it for, say, one second.
01:29:46:07 WOMANWell, the letters stand for Electric Convulsive Therapy. I believe. And, um, the sort of uh…common term that patients use for it, and a lot of other people as well, is shock treatments.INTERVIEWERAnd…you’ve received ECT?WOMANI have received ECT. I, uh, became officially mentally ill at the age of eighteen, I’m 44 now, and I once did a count of how many single treatments of ECT I had received over the years, and I have lost count, but when I counted it was 181. Actual treatments.
01:30:54:00 WOMANThe reason they call them shock treatments is because, uh, it’s um, putting electricity through your brain. Much like what happens when you have an epileptic seizure, the wiring gets all friend and zzzzt! It was discovered by accident, uh, as far as I know, they noticed that post-seizure, after a headache and a sleep, people might have a lifting of mood.
01:31:30:10 PSYCHIATRISTCover it back up…this indicates the stigma in the hospital, it has to be covered in a little blanket to be rolled downstairs…believe it or not it looks like it comes from 1970 but this is a brand-new model.WOMANHard to believe that’s new. Looks just like the old ones.PSYCHIATRISTYeah. I guess the designers aren’t all that motivated to make it a modern-looking machine. Um…but, uh, no I think, I mean it’s a very effective treatment for the right kind of patient…but it has its flaws.
01:32:01:18 WOMANThey’ve finally given up. They don’t even suggest it any more. In fact, I tell you something funny…I don’t know if it’s funny or not…I begged them to give me ECT this last admission, as I sit here now. I begged them to give me ECT. Yes, that sounds crazy. And it was for the reason that I have taken so many series. You’d think, y’know, uh, fool me once, shame on, uh, you, fool me twice, shame on me. But, um, I love the fact that you get the general anaesthetic, and whilst you’re only under for a very short period of time, it feels like a long period of time, and it’s of complete peace, because you’re completely unconscious, and far deeper unconscious than just normal sleep. Far deeper. You’re completely unaware. And so you’re having no, zero, none feelings.
01:33:27:19 DOG OWNERCome on. Time to go home.NURSELook at him…thank you very much. DOG OWNERThanks.NURSEGoodbye sweetie. [laughs] Look at him goin’.
01:33:48:2401:34:25:11 NURSEWho is that from?PSYCHIATRIST…about Robert. For condolences. Maybe Lucy could sign it as well?NURSEOhhh…thank you. Yes. Okay.LUCYWhat is it?NURSEDo you know…remember him? I guess Lucy didn’t know him. Did you know him?PSYCHIATRISTI don’t know what happened, there was a card…NURSEDo you remember Robert? Okay, I’ll sign it Anna.PSYCHIATRISTIn Florida. So, anybody who knew him…NURSEI worked with him, so…LUCYI know I worked with him…NURSEYou remember, you remember Robert…LUCYI just need a face.NURSEAlex, you can sign it as well.PSYCHIATRISTOkay.NURSEKay, bye Anna.PSYCHIATRISTBye…see you all tomorrow.MANWhat happened?NURSESee you next week.MANWhat happened?PSYCHIATRISTHe killed himself. Unfortunately. He was so sick. I couldn’t get him better. Anyway. Okay. Ciao.NURSESee ya.
01:35:24:161:36:06:00 WOMANWhat…what happens? ‘cause you are greatly affected by the instruments, aren’t you?MIKEYeah.WOMANSo, what are you aware of, Mike? As you let it just move right into the drum. MIKEIt feels like I’m relieved. I was a little angry. At Wilhelmena. Cause she won’t join us.WOMANAnd she’s here.MIKEShe’s here but she won’t join us.WOMANBut, but be aware that yeah...WILHELMENAI’m listening!WOMANSometimes we have hopes and expectations…of others…WILHELMENAI’m…sponging it in. So if you give me any trouble I’ll take you outside for a moment.WOMANDo you have a response with the drum?[big drum hit]WILHELMENALet’s go!WOMAND’you wanna try this? In response to that?WOMANI’ll hold it. I’m just gonna…WILHELMENAWhat am I going to do? WOMANRespond to that!WILHELMENALike this? No, he’s angry…WOMANWell, see what comes…[marimba music]
01:36:28:04 MIKE…and I put two kids in the hospital. In the car that I hit. And, um, I admit it was my fault, y’know, there’s nothing I was trying to give anyone else the blame. And, I didn’t like the fact that I hurt two kids, doing what I like to do. Y’know? So I quit my job. The next day. And then, took off and tried to kill myself. When I was, um, in the States trying to kill myself I racked up a lot of credit card debt over two months. And, that weighs on me a lot. It bothers me. Yeah.
01:37:21:00 MIKEMy first night in there, I, uh, was having a psychiatric episode and, uh, I tried to escape. And it took seven security guards to get me into my bed, and strap me down…WOMANNice feeling, eh, the restraints? MIKEYeah. WOMANTalk about panic.MIKEYeah, for 24 hours I was strapped up. WOMANThe worst feeling in the world. MIKEI got my hands out, but they locked them back up even tighter. WOMANYeah. Terrifying. The restraints are terrifying.
01:37:52:16 MARIA‘kay, so, going to school is one of the ways that I like to keep in touch with people and things that matter to…her. Who is…do you have any idea about this one? This, just this area.INTERVIEWERFree…free dimension? Three dimension? MARIAIs that the one we’re in?INTERVIEWERThree dimensional?MARIAYeah. INTERVIEWERThree…dimension? Free dimension?MARIADid I mention? I like…INTERVIEWERFreedom?MARIABingo. And not this kind. I like…that kind.
01:39:21:05 WOMANThanks Anne.ANNEOkay, you’re welcome.
01:39:27:1601:39:54:05 PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTSo do you wanna tell me how you’re feeling today, how you’re…how things are going for you today?WILHELMENAI’m fine, thank you.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTAny concerns that you wanna talk to us about today? Anything that’s happening or not happening…WILHELMENA (subtitled)I have lots of concerns, yet they don’t matter to you. So you’ll just throw water on it. [laughs]PSYCHIATRY RESIDENT‘kay. Do you wanna maybe ask us about them, then we can talk about it?WILHELMENA (subtitled)No, it’s fine. It’s minor things I can put up with. Except, um…[fade to black]WILHELMENA…everybody…someone…does have my every identification I carry to any place that I go to. [subtitled] Then suppose that person would come here as Wilhelmena…all this I have to think of. PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTSo you think it’s actually more serious than you initially thought?WILHELMENA (subtitled)A lot more serious. Because I haven’t got any means to whatever little I have a little bit of much.
01:40:21:15 WOMANWilhelmena, any instrument that would go along with laughter for you? From the sounds that you’ve heard. WILHELMENALet me try this. WOMAN #2You like this one?WILHELMENAThis. WOMANAnd, Hannah, feel free to draw, or paint, whatever your…
01:40:41:24 PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTSo the same things are still happening.WILHELMENA (subtitled)Happening. So it’s not here that it happened, it started at the…so.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTBut it’s still happening here in hospital, is what you’re saying.WILHELMENA (subtitled)Yes, I mean, so anywhere I have to expect it. Now, Bless the Lord I have strength for it.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTUm-hm. And you’re worried that somebody has your identity, as well.WILHELMENAWell…I’m concerned. PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTNo, I understand it’s very serious, for sure, but I think, we discussed this before, and I don’t think it’s a good time for you to call a lawyer right now. Of course, you could, you can if you want to, I just don’t think it’s a good time, I think you should wait until, um, until we’ve kind of figured things out a bit more.WILHELMENA (subtitled)I will accept any decision you have – when I say you, the body, okay? Whatever you come up with. But while the grass is growing, the horse is starving. Okay?PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTIt sounds like we still have some things to help you with. You’re not feeling…WILHELMENAA lot more than I thought of.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTYeah, sounds like…WILHELMENABecause just going even in another apartment equally, what, I want her to cease and desist any foothold she has on me. They have on me.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTSo how much time are you spending thinking about this, Wilhelmena, is it always on your mind? Or is it…WILHELMENAYes. PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTIt is.WILHELMENA (subtitled)And things that are happening has nothing to do with it but that’s the way I felt and even stronger since I found these keys in my pocket. Okay?
01:42:22:08 WOMANOkay…Capricorn. Okay. If someone else feels under the weather, try simple home remedies. Sometimes some chicken soup and kindness go further. Okay! Put that one…put that one in your patient’s file! Aquarius…
Super: Short Film Made By Patient 01:42:47:17
01:42:49:0701:44:04:0901:45:07:11 FEMALE PATIENTHere I am…just trying to take a shower. The first thing that strikes me as I walk into the shower is the terrible noise. The drumming noise that feels to me like a pending war about to happen. Do they do this on purpose? Do they really make that kind of noise on purpose? Are they that trained in brain anatomy and reactions that they know which sounds evoke which emotions? I wonder? Taking a deep breath, I look at the soap dispenser. That’s no soap dispenser. That is…a monster crying. That is foreshadowing my pain. I don’t wanna look at that anymore. I turn around, and to my worst, worst, worst expectations, my fears are confirmed. Scratch marks, all over the doors. How many nails must have scratched these doors when they were fighting from something? But why? All I want is a shower…deep breath. Don’t panic. Don’t let them know you understand. Maybe if you pretend that you’re normal…okay, shower. How do I set this up? What is this, a gauge? A gauge on a shower? I remember my grandparents being tortured, their stories over dinner tables. I remember the Jews tortured. Through stories in books. And here, a temperature gauge? What are they trying to do? Wait a minute, what is this? Twenty-three degrees Fahrenheit, no, twenty-three degrees Celsius, that’s cold, that’s to wake you up. And then there’s the gauge that’s quite normal. That looks nice. And then this? What? Fifty-four degrees centigrade?! That’s scalding hot! I’ll be blistered! Who do they do this to? Why?! Why would they do this to me, what have I done? I don’t understand, I’m going mad…alright. I can take my own shower, there’s nobody here…but goddamn it, I know this is gonna end badly for me. How in the world am I going to convince them that I didn’t do anything and that I know nothing. What is this? Is this a penny? So old? Who left this as a memento of their life? Oh God, let me get out of here…let me just get out of here and stay alive… That’s my story.
01:45:31:17 [television noise]
01:45:39:1801:46:22:05 DEBIt’s funny how we connected when we were both not very well.WOMAN“Not very well”…there’s an understatement.DEB“Not very well…” [laughs]WOMANOh yeah…”sorta…off!” Yeah.DEBBut we were so ill in different ways.WOMANYeah. Me…you.DEBI don’t remember you coming in, so maybe you came in before I did. WOMANAnd then I left?DEBAnd you left. You went home. And then they brought you straightaway back in. Cuz you’d…well, I don’t even know how I know this, but the word on the street, was that you tried to kill yourself over Christmas.WOMANNo doubt. I usually do.DEBYeah, I remember being in your room a lot.WOMANYep. Mostly because I was lying down.DEBI remember coming in a lot when your Mom was here and when Keith was here.WOMANThat’s cuz they were here a lot. They were worried.DEBThey were here a lot, weren’t they?WOMANThey were very worried. Because…mostly because I was strapped down for most of the time.DEBRight. That’s what Phil remembers. That you didn’t get out of bed.WOMANWell…it’s hard, when you’re strapped down.
01:46:43:09 WOMANSo anyway…your Mom, I guess…somebody…’cause it wasn’t us…brought in chips, and pop, and licorice, and all sorts of good stuff, and we were gonna have the big Halloween…the, uh, the big New Year’s Eve party. And we had the telly on, and we had it on a special channel and all that stuff, and at, I believe 9:00, we fell asleep, leaning against each other. [laughter] The biggest losers in the world.DEB[laughing] We were such losers!
01:47:19:16 WOMANBecause I think they’re very afraid of a lack of control. Which is so goddamned dumb. What are you gonna do? Climb up on the toilet. Throw a puzzle. Write on the wall. How hard is that to fix? Get off the toilet. Don’t throw the puzzle. Gimme your sharpie.
01:47:51:08 [news report on television]
01:48:01:1801:49:27:1701:50:01:09 MEDICAL STUDENTSo the plan is still discharge tomorrow, which is Friday, and what are your thoughts on that?MIKEI can’t wait.MEDICAL STUDENTGood! Uhm…that’s good to hear. And you’re going home to your parents? MIKEYeah.MEDICAL STUDENTOkay. And how’s that…?MIKEThat’s good. The situation’s good.MEDICAL STUDENT…good. Um…so we’ve talked a bit about your mood, which you’ve said was good. Any thoughts of harming yourself? MIKENot in the last day. Yesterday there was.MEDICAL STUDENTYesterday there was. Okay. MIKEAfter I saw my grandfather…MEDICAL STUDENTRight. MIKEThings weren’t good…MEDICAL STUDENTUm…and were they…sort of the same, um, images in your head that you tried to block out…MIKEYeah.MEDICAL STUDENTOkay. Um…and are you still hearing those…the voices that tell you…MIKEYeah, but…the voices have been weird the last few days. They’ve…in the morning, just like they have been, they’re loud…yeah, but they haven’t been as much telling me to kill myself as just having a conversation, just like I hear you two, but, it’s different. It’s not the same.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTHow long has this lasted, Mike?MIKEFor a half-hour to an hour. In the morning.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTThis morning?MIKEYeah. I left, and I went on a walk, I went outside and I walked down to Spadina and back, just ‘cause they were getting bad.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTDid they, like, uh, disturb you while you were walking and everything?MIKEA little bit. Not as much. PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTDo they come at night as well, now?MIKEYeah.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTStill.MIKEYeah.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTAre they worse in the morning?MIKEThey’re worse in the morning than they are at night. Used to be…about the same.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTHow much do you give your mood at the moment?MIKEAt the moment?PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTOut of ten.MIKESeven.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTNice. That’s very nice. When you came it was, like…remember?MIKEThree. Two.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTYeah. So that’s…that’s a big difference.
01:50:15:15 PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTAlright. So we’ll see you tomorrow as well, before you get discharged…MIKEI’m gonna be leaving about 10:30. 11:00.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTSure…we’ll be here. I’ll see you before you get discharged.
01:50:31:12 SPIRITUAL COUNSELLORI’m an allied health professional, as much as any…anybody else, so um, granted, that I’m kind of in a hostile environment, given that, um, well…an example. I was looking at a, uh, some statistics the other day, and they showed that eighty percent of psychiatric patients believe in God. And would name God or spirituality as being very important to them, at some level. Right, as a very important concept. Um…twenty percent of psychiatrists believe in God. Eight percent of psychiatrists will refer to spiritual care in the event that it’s needed.
01:51:24:16 SPIRITUAL COUNSELLORI think that hearing…or, or communicating with God, is part of the diagnostic criteria for like…fifty to sixty percent of those things? Of all the different psychiatric disorders? So, um…yeah. I mean, in the Bible…I mean, I’m Christian, and in the old testament, you hear people having visions. Dreaming dreams. Hearing voices. And they’re the authority. Right? People are listening to them, and doing things. And this is a good thing. And God is with them. Up here people see things and see visions, and hear voices and…”oh, you’re hearing voices are you? Oh…” [laughs] Right? So, when I hear people hearing voices or talking to God, I take that seriously.
01:52:16:18 DEBSo this is me being the devil’s advocate, somebody who has, in my own history, had experiences of mania where it’s…”what’s the problem here, I feel…”SPIRITUAL COUNSELLORWhat’s the harm?DEB“I feel loving, I feel open, I feel connected to God,” but that’s considered to be extremely dangerous, but the danger is in other people, essentially.SPIRITUAL COUNSELLORTheir reaction and response to that.DEBYeah.SPIRITUAL COUNSELLORYeah. Well…they crucified Jesus. [laughs]
01:52:52:18 WOMANLibra! Okay, two Libras. Resist the urge to make value judgments about people whose personal lives you don’t know much about. No one is perfect, we all have our failings.
01:53:10:05 WOMANI’ve never heard voices. When you hear voices, how does that start? What do they say, do they say, do they just talk, or do they just say crazy things, or is it like a conversation, or is it just unpleasant…?DEBMy voices are maybe not like other people’s voices, in that I think that I have mental telepathy. So I have conversations, and I have conversations with people who actually exist. I think that a number of people in my circle, or in the culture, let’s say, like TV personalities, or people I don’t know but who exist, I believe that they are telepathic and I’m having conversations with them. In my mind.WOMANWow.
01:54:03:16 WOMANHey Mike.MIKEHow you doin’ Adrienne?WOMANI’m okay.
01:54:07:00 WOMANI guess my wish is that I just never frickin’ well got into this thing.DEBYou never got ill in the first place.WOMANMm. Seriously. It changed my life so much. I look at my family, they’re in a totally different…they’re in a totally different world. And it’s so hard to connect with them. It’s so hard to connect on that level of them being able to see what I put up with every day. And I do. With the stigma? The stigma’s so huge in the society, and it’s like the more you get it, the more people know, and it’s funny, I’m a very open, honest person. And you know the other thing about my illness is if you don’t say it, you can see it.DEBRight.
01:54:49:16 WOMANYou know, it takes a toll on you mentally, it takes a toll on you physically. You go on a disability income, all those beautiful things, that chance to have a nice home, a good career, a good education, how you gonna pay for that? How you gonna get there? The other thing is, you’re stigmatized now, you know you spend 3 months in the hospital, you go back out, you try to go back to university, you try to go back to a job, people are wondering what the heck happened, and you know what? It flies over. Except the problem comes back. That’s the problem with long-term mental illness. And you go again. And you come back. And now people are a little bit more…”I’m not so okay with this anymore”, you know what I mean? DEBYeah. People like your family and your friends?WOMANYeah. And then, you know, suddenly one day you realize, you know what, I’m too sick. I can’t do it. I can’t keep this stress any more. So you have to leave work. And then you get a disability income. And then you start looking at trying to get a real life. And you start thinking geez, I’d love to get that Masters that I’ve always wanted to get…how you gonna pay for it? …but I still have dreams.
01:55:56:18 [piano playing]
01:56:34:14 MARIASo…basically…this is a game we started playing at my school. And…you just keep the ball rolling. As long as the ball doesn’t stop, the game’s still on. And if the ball does stop, pick it up. And roll it again.
01:56:55:16 WOMANIt’s rolling, it’s rolling, it’s rolling…MIKETwo strikes for their team.RECREATIONAL THERAPISTGood job, Adrienne. …okay, thanks for playing.
01:57:16:19 WOMANThat’s what happens at night, when you see people not sleeping. And pacing, and pacing, and pacing, and going back to bed, and not being able to sleep because of anxiety, and pacing and pacing and they’re going the other way and then getting cold and grabbing a blanket and pacing and pacing and just getting exhausted and a nurse occasionally popping her head out the window and saying, “Can’t sleep, eh?” No fucking kidding. [laughs]
01:57:46:06 MIKESee me, that’s not the worst part of the night. Worst part of the night is when the – I want to say it nicely – the nice gentleman pops in and shines a light in your eyes.WOMANOh, shines a light in your eyes, yeah, that’s kinda nice. Yeah. Once an hour. I think, actually, some people find that comforting, believe it or not, to know that there’s some kind of security or safety there? And I find that strange, because I find it kind of disconcerting, that somebody’s popping in with a flashlight, and of course I always wave, when I’m awake, so that they know that I’m still awake, ‘cause I want them to know their meds aren’t working, and I need a stronger baseball bat to put me to sleep.
01:59:05:14 NURSEGood mornin’, this is the night report for Monday, the 7th of February, 2011. The census is now at 29, we had one admission today, acute care unit yesterday. I have seven patients, and there are some of each. In 411, bed one, is a patient of Dr. Buckingham, with schizoaffective disorder. Um, she has an allergy towards penicillin, level three unaccompanied, voluntary but incompetent with a PG&T involved. We saw her during our initial rounds, she was in the computer room, she was looking for a lawyer with, um…wolves. It was brought to her attention that the apartment don’t really accommodate wolves, and she said, well, she’ll move from that apartment and go to the other one. On the other side, um, she told us that, quite appropriately, it was her birthday yesterday, and she was 51 years old. Her affect remains flat, at times, but it…she could respond um, uh, whenever she feels like. Um…at times she continues to stare at the nursing station, um, isolative, no socialization whatsoever.
02:00:32:18 WOMANNot today. Okay.
02:00:37:19 PSYCHIATRISTCertainly a lot of patients who smoke in hospital or smoke a lot more in hospital, start smoking in hospital, I’ve had a few patients for sure. Because it’s…um…NURSESocial.PSYCHIATRISTIt’s social. It’s one of the things that they can do and it can be…the way that our privileges are set up it sounds like, it’s like a privilege, oh, now you have smoking privileges! It’s like, we don’t mean to say it that way, sometimes, but sometimes we actually say it that way. Versus fresh air privileges. Or 15-minutes off-ward privileges. Right? Yeah, we’ve had a few patients. I had a patient who was really upset, actually, by the time he left, that he’d become such a heavy smoker.DEBI don’t actually stop smoking until I’m out of hospital.PSYCHIATRISTI guess it’s a good indicator for you…because of your own sort of…wellness. Does it start, too? If you’re starting to feel unwell, do you start smoking? …sorry, do you mind if I ask you this? Okay. [laughs] But I’m just curious, because I’ve had a couple patients who are…I’ve used that as ways of um, telling how they’re doing. A couple patients with bipolar. They’ll come in and say they’re smoking two packs of cigarettes a day and suddenly you’re like, hmmm, that’s on the list, the destabilizing list, so…DEBThat’s one of my signs. PSYCHIATRISTYeah. Do you have one…do you have a plan, with…DEBI have a list of hypomania signs, and of…more mania. So…PSYCHIATRISTYeah. If you can find a couple of people to give it to I think it can be a pretty helpful thing. DEBBut by the time I start having manic symptoms, my mind is already convinced that…PSYCHIATRIST…this time you’re not sick. Right.DEBIt’s a tricky disease!PSYCHIATRISTYeah. It is, ‘cause for a while I think it can be, at least having seen it, it seems like it can be fairly fun. [laughs] Eventually I think things must overheat.
02:02:33:07 PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTHow…how are you doin’ this morning?MIKEGood. Y’know.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTGood. And are you feeling suicidal, anything like that this morning?MIKENo.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTNo. Okay. You’re ready to go home?MIKEI am.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTYeah?MIKECan’t wait.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTWhat are you gonna do?MIKEUmm…I have no clue. I’m gonna have real food.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTOkay. Are you going to visit your grandfather? MIKEYeah. Definitely.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTOkay. And, as I told you before, if you feel that you cannot manage, depression or suicide, you can always come to the emergency room, okay? Alright buddy, it’s been a pleasure. MIKEI’ll see you next Friday.PSYCHIATRY RESIDENTI’ll see you next Friday. Alright! Take care. MIKEBye. …yeah, that was a little informal. [laughs]
02:03:19:17 NURSEAll yours. Everything. You can always come back and say hi if you forget something. Or me. Okay?MIKEOkay.NURSESo…I will see you.MIKEYeah.
02:03:53:10 NURSE #1One…and one.WILHELMENAWhat are those?NURSE #1Quetiapine. That’s for…clear your mind, you know, organize better.WILHELMENAOrganize what?NURSE #1…organize your thoughts…NURSE #2Anything else, madam?WILHELMENAYou see how badly she’s treatin’ me, right? NURSE #2Ahhh…nobody like you anywhere.WILHELMENANo…NURSE #1I have to report her.WILHELMENA…nobody likes me, anyway. It doesn’t matter. That’s why I’m such a fighter! Aha…!NURSE #2And you are.
02:04:40:1002:05:57:0802:06:43:09 SOCIAL WORKERHow you feeling about going?MARIAUh…like it’s a birthday.SOCIAL WORKERSo you’re pretty excited.MARIAYeah. SOCIAL WORKERWhat are you looking most forward to?MARIAUm…well, being in control of my own responsibilities.SOCIAL WORKEROkay…so what does that mean?MARIAIt means I get to choose where I go, when I go, what time I eat, what time I get up, what time I go to sleep. I understand I need some assistance with some of those issues, but really the main concern is the sleeping one. I just don’t know when to turn off at night.SOCIAL WORKERSo what is your plan when you leave today?MARIAMy plan when I leave today…okay, go to my friend’s. Spend the evening or two there…SOCIAL WORKEROkay…MARIA…getting my stuff in check, looking up some stuff online and whatnot, what the requirements are to get into the school that I’m hoping to get into. SOCIAL WORKERWhat is your financial situation like?MARIADo you really wanna know? [laughs] This one’s pretty funny. Um, literally? I have three doll hairs. Three dollars.SOCIAL WORKERWhat are you gonna do?MARIAGet on the subway. [laughs]SOCIAL WORKERYou can also apply for emergency financial aid through Ontario Works.MARIAWhere, and how?SOCIAL WORKERYou can walk into any Ontario Works office, so if you’re…lemme know where you’re going downtown and I’ll let you know where to go.MARIAOkay.SOCIAL WORKERI’ll tell you where to go. Um…it’s not a lot of money…MARIAThat’s…I have three dollars. And I’m gonna make it with that.SOCIAL WORKERI was not aware of that. Um…anyway…MARIAThat’s okay.SOCIAL WORKERYou can go in today, and get money. Okay? So I want you to go and find a friend to stay with for the next couple of days. Okay? And take a couple days just to…try…try, it’s gonna be hard, try to chill as much as you can. Okay?MARIAYeah.SOCIAL WORKER‘Cause the more running around you do…MARIAI know.SOCIAL WORKER…the more your symptoms are going to…MARIAUp up up.SOCIAL WORKERYeah. Yeah. You get it.MARIAI do.SOCIAL WORKEROkay? And once you mess with your sleep cycle? You’re gonna be right back in. In this. Mess. Okay?MARIAI don’t wanna be in the mess.SOCIAL WORKERYeah. Yeah. So try to force yourself to…MARIASleep?SOCIAL WORKER No no…not necessarily sleep, just try to rest as much as you can. Because these troubles that you’re having? They’re big. And they’re not going to be solved in two days. They can wait. They can wait, and that doesn’t mean you’re copping out and not being responsible and all that stuff. It just means that your health is more important.
02:07:24:03 PATIENT #1I remember the first time I was hospitalized, I was a voluntary patient. I remember being there, and there were some people who must have been there before. And they said, oh, are you a visitor here? Or a regular? [laughs] I’m like, what do you mean? And they explained to me this idea of this revolving door, and you’re gonna come back and you’re gonna come back and you’re gonna come back.PATIENT #2I think that there’s an underlying kind of expectation that even though it’s been a number of years since I’ve been here, that it’s just a matter of time before I’ll come back again. I get a lot of, “Oh, you’re doing so well.” Uh…”Keep it up!” [laughs] Y’know, and partly they’re…there’s a holding the person responsible for their getting ill, so…I really resent that.
02:08:21:19 NURSEMaria…I have to talk to you. MARIAOkay. Where are we talkin’?NURSECome.MARIAOkay.NURSEYou have…you have been discharged this morning and you know the plan – what was…that you have to leave today…MARIAYeah.NURSEAnd it’s over ten hours…our doctor left already and doctor on call won’t know you and you are not covered any more by us…MARIACool.NURSE…if anything happen…MARIASo I should go now?NURSEYeah…if you don’t mind. You know what you can do? MARIAG’bye.NURSEListen, no, Maria…listen. You can go downstairs, to lobby, and stay over there. And I give you everything. Okay? Okay.MARIAPerfect. Thank you.NURSEThanks. Do you need any help?MARIANo thank you. But…it was nice to meet you. NURSEMe too. Okay, take care of yourself.MARIAI will, you too, ah?NURSEOkay.MARIAOkay. That’s how we do it.NURSEYeah.
02:09:11:15 MARIAThank you.NURSEI will help you.MARIAThank you.NURSEOkay. You remember, you take care of yourself.MARIAI will, you too ah? Thank you.MANGood-bye.NURSEYou can leave…MARIAOh no, that’s okay, I’ll take it. Have a good night, guys, thank you! Bye!NURSECareful.MARIAOh – thanks.NURSEOkay. Take care.MARIACiao. Nice to meet you.NURSEOkay. It’s done.
END CREDITS 02:11:26:08