GirlZtalk Script: V11
00:43
It is estimated that a girl is raped every 4 minutes
A woman is killed by an intimate partner every 8 hours
Approximately 200,000 adult women are attacked in SA every year
Of over 66000 reported rapes in 2012/13, only 4,500 led to convictions
More than 180,000 high school students become pregnant each year in South Africa
01:07
As the New Year dawns, 20 female university students from the inner city of Johannesburg set off on a road trip into the rural heartland of Limpopo, to put a face to these alarming statistics.
These students form part of the SEED Community mentoring programme, GirlZtalk.
01:20
This journey is an opportunity to engage the voice of girls.
Women crying: orange t-shirt:
02:25 I want to talk about the things that happened to me.
02:28 I am a teenage mom. I had a child when I was 15 years old.
02:34 Then my parents sent me to stay with my boyfriend,
02:38 that is where I experienced this women's abuse.
02:43 He abused me emotionally, physically,
02:48 like he beat me like every day.
02:52 And then even if he want to sleep with me, he just force himself to me.
02:59 And even when he talked to me, he talked to me like I am nobody.
03:03 He tell me I am useless. I can't compete with other women.
03:08 He is better than me and those things destroy me.
03:12 I am no longer staying with him but the things that he does to me,
03:17 really destroy me.
03:19 I feel like I am useless and I feel like I am nobody.
03:23 And everywhere I go I do not even have a confidence as a woman.
03:27 I don't have... it is really painful.
Boy Leyden:
03:36 I think it is based on the thing of 50-50,
03:38 which is being introduced in South Africa.
03:40 Like l do everything at home. I am staying with a girl,
03:45 she starts disrespecting me, what should l do?
03:48 l start abusing her.
Matsupishu:
03:53 It really breaks my heart to think that the people that should be protecting us
03:57 are the people that are actually hurting us.
03:59 These are our fathers. These are our husbands, our boyfriends,
04:03 and we have put so much trust in these people
04:06 and they end up just breaking us down.
04:09 Well my personal story is...
04:13 Ok, I have been sexually....
04:16 I have been sexually abused 3 times.
Boys Soweto:
05:40 Listen, this is how you do it:
04:34 Let's say my girlfriend for the night,
04:37 for the night, not forever.
04:41 I will take you. l will make sure you get as drunk as you can.
04:46 You must drink! You must drink.
04:49 When l see that you are chemically off balance now,
04:53 you can't really differentiate between this finger and this one.
04:57 You still think that l am having these two fingers.
05:00 l can see - because l ask you, "What is this?"
05:03 You tell me it's the same fingers.
05:07 l know l hit you in the right spot. l know it's time for penetration now.
05:12 l call my friends, "Hey guys, it's that thing now, let's go in."
Matsupishu:
05:21 Ok, I have been sexually abused 3 times.
05:25 The first 2 times was when I was still doing my final year in high school.
05:29 I decided not to tell anyone about it because I thought that
05:34 even if I do say something, nothing is going to be done about it.
05:38 So I decided I am just going to swallow it and I am just going to live my life. 05:42 And for a very long time I didn't tell anyone.
05:44 I only started talking about it in public
05:47 when I started becoming part of the SEED Community.
05:51 That is only when I started being open about it.
05:55 And many of the wounds were healed but you never really get over it.
06:01 In 2011, it happened again. And this time it was more violent.
06:07 I was kidnapped for the whole night, and I was beaten up.
06:11 And again, I decided not to say anything about it.
06:16 I think for myself, I blamed myself. I thought if I wasn't in that situation
06:20 and I wasn't at that place, this wouldn't have happened to me.
06:23 And I feel now, and that I am here and I am surrounded by these women.
06:27 I feel that it is not my fault.
06:29 And no matter where I was, what I was doing,
06:33 what they did to me was not right.
Boys Soweto:
06:36 What!? She didn't say, "No". She didn't see you, so it can't be a rape.
06:44 l didn't tell her, "We want to share you." l just talked to this guy.
06:48 If this guy says, "No" and then l force myself on her, yha then it's a rape.
06:52 But now if the guy says, "Yes" and the girl doesn't see that we shared her.
06:55 If ever she didn't see the whole process
07:01 as it was happening, is it rape?
07:04 Honestly.
Kamo:
07:07 Men are not strong enough.
07:11 So the only way to feel better is by hurting someone,
07:15 and someone being vulnerable to you.
Women crying: orange t-shirt:
07:21 I always dreamed myself being a lifesaver.
07:25 That is why I did this course to be a paramedic,
07:28 because I wanted to save people's lives.
Matsupishu:
07:35 These guys took away my power, but only for a moment.
07:39 Because I decided, I made a conscious decision:
07:40 I am going to take my power back.
Bongi:
07:52 My mom inspired me to go to school.
07:57 She said, "Even if you have nothing to eat just go back to school."
08:03 I discovered that the father who l know to be my father was not my father.
08:12 That's when l started looking for my own biological father.
08:16 And l was hoping that I would get a rich man,
08:19 and then everything would change, you know.
08:25 l discovered that my father was in Joburg.
08:30 Then l came back. l went where he is living.
08:33 And then, okay l was happy to meet him.
08:37 And then he told me, you need to visit some times.
08:41 I went there. My first time there was not good,
08:46 because he raped me.
08:51 More than once.
08:55 And I hate him now. I just hate him.
09:00 l didn't know what to say because my mom
09:05 didn't want me to see him and l wanted to see him.
09:11 So l think my life changed because I was angry too.
09:15 I was angry at him, angry at my mom. I didn't know how to react.
09:21 I didn't know who to tell.
09:24 I was just angry.
09:26 I would always shout, cry, do all those sort of things.
09:31 But my mom managed to see that there was something wrong with me.
09:37 She asked me, "Why are you acting like this?
09:40 Why are you behaving like this? Why are you like this?"
09:43 And l told her, my father did this and this.
09:48 She said, "That is why I didn't want you to see him.
09:53 I was also raped by him. You are a child of rape."
09:57 Our mothers were raped, we are raped
10:01 and our children will be raped. Who cares?
Boys Soweto:
10:05 If ever we are getting a company of women and we are very choosy
10:10 as to which women we want.
10:12 We don't just go for any woman who is smart;
10:15 woman who is going to know what hit her. We don't go for them. We are very selective.
10:19 We look at your characters.
10:21 We can see, she is an easy target this one, and then, we go for you.
Chipiwa:
10:48 I was alone at home.
10:52 Then he come. At that time l didn't know anything about sex.
10:58 l was just a little girl. l didn't know anything.
11:02 It's like we are joking, we are playing.
11:05 Then after that he said, "I want to show you something.
11:09 I want to teach you something. I want to have sex with you."
11:14 l then say "Wow, l didn't even ever do that. Why?"
11:19 Then he said, "You have grown up. You are a woman now."
11:25 l said, "No, l am still young." Then he forced me to do that thing. I do,
11:32 because l don't know what is going to happen.
11:37 l decided to tell my mom when it was 5 months.
11:42 I told my mom that l am pregnant.
11:45 My mom said, "What have you done to me as a family?
11:49 What have you done because you are just a little girl in the family.
11:53 You are the only one, my daughter. What have you done?"
11:56 My mom decided that it is my child, not yours.
12:00 You have to give a birth, then l will raise that child as mine.
12:06 l am just a young lady around here.
12:08 They just respect me. They don't even know that this girl has a baby.
12:14 l gave birth when l was 18.
12:16 l did it and it was painful.
12:21 l decided to give him a birth,
12:24 just because of love.
12:32 I want to tell people that, especially young people,
12:37 whatever happened to you,
12:39 just be strong. Just hold on your dream.
Elekanyani:
12:48 The story behind my pregnancy. Well,
12:51 not even my family knows about it.
12:54 I was around 5 going to 6,
12:57 because it was a year before l started school.
13:00 It's more like l became immune to a situation,
13:04 so l began to see nothing wrong in it,
13:08 so it became part of who l am.
13:11 l was 15 years old. Well, I am not sure how...
13:16 l don't even know how to put it, if it was a shock or anything.
13:20 At first l didn't know l was pregnant.
13:22 It was my grandmother that saw that l was pregnant.
13:25 l think that my grandmother knows about it, though she hasn't told me.
13:29 l used to see in her eyes, because my child
13:33 looks so much like the person in my family.
13:36 So l would say there are days that it does affect who l am.
13:40 And l try to get through those days.
13:44 l try by all means to get through those days.
13:47 l don't really see any point in saying anything.
13:51 For me, l just don't want to see it happening to any other person.
13:57 And l would like other people to speak up.
ZANDI:
14:00 It's not just teenage pregnancy,
14:03 there is a reason behind it. At clinics, yes we have information.
14:07 But when girls go there, they get...
14:11 they get embarrassed in front of everyone,
14:13 told that you like things, you know all of that.
14:16 And at home, mom is like, "What you want to talk about sex,
14:19 at your age.? You are not supposed to be talking about this.
14:21 And you are not even supposed to be entertaining it."
14:23 And when you say that to a child, it says, clearly there is something behind it.
14:28 That child becomes more curious.
14:30 I want to know, why is my mom shutting me out of this topic?
14:33 Parents should work on giving us a better picture of what is behind sex.
Nonhlanhla:
14:38 When l got pregnant, l knew
14:42 the very same month because l felt,
14:48 l was about to go to my periods.
14:50 So when l didn't go it just clicked in my mind,
24:53 like, what if?
14:55 My mom had a dream.
15:58 In the morning she told me, "You know what l had a dream.
15:01 My grandmother told me this and this. Someone is pregnant here at home."
15:05 So she didn't think it's me.
15:09 She thought maybe my aunt or something, you know.
15:03 And then the dream came again.
15:15 And then she was like, "No, you know what, we are going to the clinic."
15:21 Then l just thought you know what, let me just tell her.
15:24 And then l wrote a letter explaining to her what happened and apologising.
15:30 And then when l told her, but then l told her, "You know what it could be easy.
15:33 I can just make things easy. I can terminate it."
15:36 And she was like, "Hell no, we can deal this thing. That's no problem."
15:42 I had doubts but then telling myself that you know what, l want to do this.
15:46 l want to get this degree. At least it will show them that l am really sorry 15:50 and it doesn't disturb anything in my life. It's just a surplus.
OTHER - Venda girl:
15:58 When l found out that l was pregnant l didn't tell anyone
16:03 because l know my mom would be furious. And l don't live with my father.
16:10 And l know that when he heard this, he would be furious too.
16:15 So l kept quiet until l was 7 months pregnant.
16:24 I was not afraid of STIs,
16:28 and HIV things just because l trusted him 100%.
16:33 My boyfriend told me that just because l was virgin
16:38 l will not fall pregnant and l didn't know anything about that.
16:48 l trusted him. And l was sure that nothing is going to happen.
16:55 But l was shocked when l found out that l was pregnant.
17:50
Our journey has revealed the statistics bare a very honest and stark reality. The untold story, the silence and scorn passed on from one generation to the next,
has produced the fertile ground for violation and ignorance to continue to flourish.
Boys Leyden shop:
19:13 That thing that bothers me actually, is the alcohol, actually.
19:19 Alcohol and drugs, because they make girls forget themselves you see.
19:24 And it's our blame, guys, because we came with the drugs and give to them and fuck them for free.
Girl with Baby:
19:33 I cannot blame my friends, just saying it's peer pressure.
19:38 But sometimes when you do things, you are not thinking straight.
19:42 You just want to do things for fun.
19:46 And I just got myself in a very bad situation.
19:50 And that's why I am here.
19:53 But I have learned from my mistakes and never again.
19:57 I just want to study. That's all.
20:00 Actually, I was a laughing stock at school for a couple of months.
20:05 It was because they didn't have kids, not because they didn't have sex. 20:10 They did, but it was because they were not pregnant at the moment.
20:16 I just didn't think that it would happen to me.
20:20 Like, it was not the first time I had unprotected sex.
20:23 So I just thought it won't happen, because last time it didn't.
Boys Leyden shop:
20:28 They are different township girls and village girls. They are very different.
20:33 Most of the things are not there. Maybe there is no someone
20:37 who can come and say, "Can l test you for AIDS?"
20:40 You will find out when you are pregnant, you see. Most of them
20:44 they find out when they are pregnant. They have to go to give birth.
20:48 It's the way they find out l am HIV or not.
20:50 Without that - no testing - that is the truth, actually.
Prudy:
21:15 l was born and raised in the dusty township of Qalabotjha-Villiers in the Free State.
21:21 l was raised by both my grandparents. We were staying in a four-roomed house.
21:26 My grandparents tried to give me whatever they could.
21:31 They could only provide the basic stuff, but it was good enough for me.
21:37 My mom is an alcoholic and my dad, he's in jail.
21:44 You know, having to grow up in such situations and knowing all those things,
21:51 it's not a very easy experience for a young woman, you know.
21:55 l had to learn to be disciplined, responsible at a very young age,
22:00 because l had to look after my siblings.
22:03 l matriculated in 2008. l went to SIDA CITY campus.
22:07 The same school that Dr Teddy Bletcher founded.
22:11 Things didn't go so well... l had to quit...
22:17 You know, l was this person who is suicidal.
22:22 l had these amazing friends, you know. They came to me, they spoke to me,
22:27 they encouraged me and once they spoke to me,
22:32 automatically my mind set changed.
22:35 l told myself, l am not going to do this anymore.
22:38 l have my grandparents who struggled to bring me up and to make me this woman
22:42 that l am today. So why should l take my life because of somebody?
22:46 Why should l die for somebody else's...
22:49 what can l say...mischievous actions?
22:55 The other unfortunate thing happened to me, l was raped.
22:59 But my parents don't know about it.
23:03 It really destroyed the person that l am.
23:07 l had this anger towards men and hearing again that my dad is arrested
23:13 because of rape, that on its own
23:18 destroyed me like totally, l was like, why?
23:23 Why should we live...we saying we are free
23:26 but we are not - as women - we are not free. We fought. They fought for this freedom.
23:31 They went to Union Building. They marched for women to be free.
23:34 But we are not free at all.
Boys Soweto:
23:41 A normal person would never rape a human being.
23:44 A normal person who can think normally, will never.
23:49 If ever a woman says, "No." What is so difficult for you to respect her decision?
23:53 I mean, if ever I am sober enough, I won't even try to pursue,
23:59 you know, enforce myself on her.
24:03 So I think the reason why they are not safe is because of the substances 24:06 that these guys, or us guys, we use.
24:10 It is the fact that we do not respect, even ourselves.
24:15
It is not women alone who can change the status quo.
Men need to be a part of the discussion, to share their reality and the silences that have bound them to the cycle of violence from generation to generation.
24:29 If ever you are a woman in this country of ours, you are not safe.
24:37 You are not safe to be walking around in the night feeling all comfortable.
24:41 You know, anything can happen to you.
Matsupishu:
24:48 The only people who can change this situation is women.
24:51 Because we are the ones who have this problem,
24:53 so we are the ones who can actually solve it.
24:55 If we start standing up and start talking about it enough,
24:59 then it will eventually come to an end.
25:03
"For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others."
Nelson Mandela