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Tunisia has the highest divorce rate in the Arab world.
Judge: case number 31385, Mr. Abdellatif,
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In this courtroom, yet another marriage is on the rocks. It’s believed that around half of all marriages in Tunisia end in divorce. But even if separation is right for the parents, it’s having a terrible effect on some of the country's children.
Judge: Session adjourned
Linda: I hate myself very much; I feel I am cheap, very much. Sometimes I just cry. Sometimes I am aggressive with my friend.
Rania: I lived with him threatened; of violence and everything. I didn’t spend a single good day with him.
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In this film we follow the lives of three very different families to see how they cope with the consequences of divorce.
Scenes From A Childhood
Children Of Divorce
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12-year-old Rania's parents split up a few years ago. Since then she’s been living at her grandmother’s house with her mother and her 10-year old brother, Kusay.
The divorce has left both children with deep scars.
Rania IV :
Life was good until dad started drinking and abusing mum. He kept asking for divorce. Eventually my mother gave in and they divorced. He then kicked us out of the house and we were on the street.
Rania: come on get up
Kusay: no leave me
Rania: no get up
Kusay: ok I’m up. Let go of me
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The divorce has forced Rania and Kusay to grow up quickly. Their father has completely disappeared from their lives.
(Rania Audio)
When we were kicked out, I was afraid, I cried, I could not believe dad had done this to us. But my grandmother took us in and put a roof over us.
I hated him. Because of what he did. I still hate him.
Rania: Did you study?
Kusay: Yesterday. You.
Rania: Sill I need to finish the Maths
Kusay: right I’m done I’m going to wash my hands. You clear the table.
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The memories Rania has of her father takes her back to a time of abuse, neglect, and sadness.
Rania audio:
I lived with him threatened; of violence and everything. I didn’t spend a single good day with him.
He’s not the kind of dad who would bring things that his girl would like.
Mum: Rania, come
Rania IV:
Sometimes I feel jealous when I see my friends with their fathers. They ask me where is yours. I tell them he’s dead. Then they say you never told us. I reply I was hiding it from you. I didn’t want to tell you.
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Kusay is also angry at his father.
Since the divorce he’s been attempting to strangle himself. He’s refused to tell anyone why he’s doing this.
Today his grandmother, Bakhta, is taking him to see a therapist.
Bakhta: I want you to be good, to behave, to listen and speak to her about how you feel.
Why do you keep strangling yourself is it because mum and dad got divorced? There are many divorced people and their children do not do what you do. Divorce is very easy and simple everyone gets divorced.
We are all very worried about you. And you keep strangling, strangling, and strangling yourself. Your poor mum will end up losing her job and she will be very sad, why? Do not do it again ok my son.
Kiss me, good.
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Its Kusay’s first session with the therapist. His family hope she’ll help him deal with the trauma of his parents’ divorce.
GVs wide or other visuals to break
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This is Abdulrahman. He’s 11 years old. His parents have also divorced, but he and his older sisters are still close to both of them.
Their mother, Munira, filed for divorce when Abdulrahman was only 7 years old.
This is not uncommon in Tunis where around half of divorce cases are initiated by women.
Munira: come on move and listen, let us fix your jacket, behave and stay calm. You know what will happen to you if you don’t. Listen carefully to your teacher, read well, and bring back the homework.
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Abdulrahman’s teachers and family say the divorce has badly affected his performance at school.
Teacher: can you repeat this sentence, third line…
Abd: and there was a lion in the forest, ready to attack them, then..then..
Teacher: why is your reading like this Abd? Why have you not prepared at home? Stand up.
Teacher: focus on your studies, agreed? now go sit down.
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The teacher knows about Abdulrahman’s family background.
She wants to find out if any of his classmates have had the same experience.
Teacher: Who else in the class has divorced parents
Teacher: What is your name?
Student: Wejdan
Teacher: but you are an excellent student Wejdan
Teacher: who else
Teacher: You as well
Student: yes miss
Teacher: and you when you grow up are you doing to divorce your wife? Never… Never.
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Majid Bouzid is the headteacher of Abduhrahman’s school. He’s trying to help the growing number of students from broken homes.
Headteacher: We have 409 students. 20 per cent of our students are from divorced backgrounds. 50 per cent are from separated parents. We don’t treat them like others. We have to be gentle and open our arms to them. If we reject them from school that’ll be their end. Because the area has a lot of alcoholism and drug abuse.
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Tunisia has the highest divorce rate in the Arab world. The reason most often given is the country’s Personal Status Code, a set of laws designed to promote women’s rights.
The Code instituted for the first time in an Arab Muslim country a divorce procedure that can only take place in court and where a wife and husband are equally entitled to file for separation.
Chedli Al-Rahmeni is the judge in charge of divorce cases at the Ariana Court in Tunis. He’s seen thousands of couples wanting to separate, and knows the impact it has on their children.
Judge IV: We have between 150-200 divorce cases a week. This is the average. Divorce is a social phenomenon,
Decision for divorce is very dangerous. And it has huge impact especially on children. This would create misconducts among children, an aggressive behaviour, and strong reactions, and it is recently leading to very dangerous phenomenon which is the suicide of children.
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A child abandoned by both parents can quickly find her life falling to pieces.
16-year-old Linda had a violent relationship with her father. She was imprisoned for six months after he told the police she was a prostitute and a thief.
Since her release, she’s been living here at the Social Development Centre for Children in Tunis.
It is home to more than 70 children from broken families.
Linda: Problems started at home when my dad found out mum was having an affair. My dad found out and I remember waking up and finding blood everywhere. My dad lied and said mum was dead. I felt something terrible and fainted.
My mum did try later to commit suicide by taking pills, which is affected her mentally.
I look very much alike my mom. Every time he looks at me he remembers her, so he hits me for any reason. So I couldn’t stand him anymore. He got married and I couldn’t get along with his wife. She caused me many problems and constantly spoke ill of my mother.
When I’d tell my dad he’d say I don’t care. I found no-one next to me.
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Today Linda’s visiting Ruwad, her hometown.
It’s an important day for her. She’s hoping to see her sister for the first time in over a year.
Divorce is not the only family trauma Linda has to confront.
When I was 8 years old I was raped by my cousin on my mum’s side and shortly after that by my uncle on dad’s side. I didn’t tell them because there were many problems between the families of my mom and dad; I feared no-one would believe me.
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Arriving in Ruwad, Linda finds her sister is still at school. She has to wait a while.
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Then, unexpectedly, she meets her abusive ex-boyfriend.
We carry on filming.
Ex Boyfriend: what has happened with regards to your court case? You know your dad could do you for attempted murder
Linda: it was self-defence I told the judge in Ariana and she was sympathetic. Besides if he thinks he’s a son of a bitch I’m a daughter of a whore, dickhead
God forgives anyway, move on from this.
Ex Boyfriend: did you film me? I’ll come and break your camera. Why didn’t you tell me he was filming me?
Linda: don’t hit him and just go.
Ex Boyfriend: What do you mean go? Who do you think you’re talking to?
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When Linda’s ex-boyfriend turns aggressive she asks him to leave. She afraid but tries to remain calm.
Linda tells us about her relationship with him.
Linda: After I left home, I knew him as a neighbour. He promised me warmth and love. But he lied and turned into a monster. He would rape me; beat me; got me on drugs; force me to sell my body for money; he scarred my face with a razor. I was very afraid when I saw him because he could do anything to me.
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The encounter has unnerved Linda. But she’s come to see her sister, and won’t leave before she does so.
GVs Tunis
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There are few children who do not experience long-term emotional challenges after a divorce. It’s usually easier, however, if the parents remain on good terms.
Abdulrahman’s mother and father try to get along for the sake of the children.
He has two elder sisters, Dorsaf and Sara. They appear to be leading normal teenage lives.
Having finished school for the day, Dorsaf is getting ready to go out with her sister in downtown Tunis.
(Dorsef audio) my parent's divorced on Valentine’s day, it was quite ironic given it is regarded as the day of love. But nothing feels different because dad is always near us. He lives upstairs, whenever we want to see him we can.
After the divorce Sara and I became closer. We were there for each other. When one of us had a problem the other supported her.
Nothing has really changed at home because both mum and dad live with us and we have a very good relationship.
Although we live in rough area we both have a bright future. My sister is at university and I am at high school and want to become a model, unlike other children who face many problems.
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For a divorced family, the Ghodbanis have an unusual arrangement.
The parents get on well enough to live on different floors of the same house.
Sara: when the divorce happened, although both remained in the same house…
Dorsef: there was no difference because dad continues to live with us
Sara: yes it’s funny we all live together but each has their own room
Dorsef: I find Abd is the most one affected
Sara: yes but he is young now he is growing up he understands it was for the best. Plus you know we live better than the others. We don’t have much but we are content and happy.
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Sara and Dorsaf’s family is moderately well-off.
For Rania and her brother Kusay, life is more of a struggle. With no financial support from their father, their mother Iman has to work long hours in a café to make ends meet.
But today, Rania has some good news. She can’t wait to tell her mother as she leaves work.
Mum-daughter interaction
Mum: What’s up?
Rania: I came first in class
Mum: well done. Because of this I have a nice gift for you. We will go and get your manicure. That’s a nice thing.
Walk into beauty parlour
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This is the first time Rania has come top of her class since her parents’ divorced. As a reward she’s getting her first manicure.
Beautician: Is this the first time you do your nails?
Rania: Yes
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Being a single mother isn’t easy, but Rania and Kusay know that Iman is doing her best for them.
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Linda’s situation is much harder. Her only family now is her younger sister. Linda’s hoping to find her at school. When she does, it’s an emotional reunion.
Samaher crying
Linda wants to talk. So she’s taking her sister somewhere they can be alone.
Samaher: why did you do this Linda?
Linda: God knows what I was going through, he was beating me, take me out of school, he blamed me for what mom did,
Samaher: I face the same thing you were facing at home
Linda: Now you need to take care of yourself. Learn from my experience; do not make the same mistake. Promise
Samaher: I promise
Linda: Do not smoke anymore
Samaher: it is been a while since I did.
Linda: Because you know eher it leads you, you know how did I start –
Samaher: Smoking
Linda: I started with cigarettes, I was smoking; then that led me on to weed; then pills; then alcohol
Samaher: You took pills?
Linda: there is nothing in this world I did not do. And what did I gain? I’m all alone with no family asking about me, with no-one, but four empty walls. Right it’s getting late for you.
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There are many reasons why a couple may separate.
Sara and Dorsaf’s parents split up because of financial problems and differences over how to raise their family.
However, sharing the same house means that the father, Fawzi, still sees a lot of his children.
Dad: Living here means young guys can’t think of doing any naughty business because they know there is a man in the house. There are those who don’t even know we are divorced they think we are still one family. I have a good relationship with my kids. We are friends. But if there is a need to be protective, a father should be protective toward his daughters.
Dad: Hi son
Abdu: where have you been?
Dad: I am fine, you? I missed you
Dad: What are you doing?
Abdu: I am reading
Dad: then get your football let’s go play
Abdu: wait till I bring the ball
Dad audio:
As for my son Abdu he is the love of my life, I see myself as a child when I look at him, he respects me and he checks on me always.
Munira: Abdu, Sara, Dorsef come eat
Dorsef: mum Abdu’s playing football with dad
No sync
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The parents remain on good terms and are doing their best to limit the damage caused by the separation.
Munira: ok leave him playing with dad let him have fun he can eat later
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Life after divorce is much harder for those children who are alone, shunned by their families, and failed by society.
Many of them pass through Tunis' largest court - Ariana - at least twice. First during their parents’ divorce, and then again, when they react by breaking the law.
The state and its care homes are struggling to cope with children vulnerable to drugs and prostitution.
Judge: the first procedure is to try and keep the child with the family.
Placing a child in shelter always requires monitoring. This is all to ensure the stability of the child.
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No child escapes the consequences of marital breakdown.
10 year old Kusay is still seeing his therapist, but continues to self-harm.
His older sister Rania is more resilient. She’s coping better with the separation, but still has no relationship with her father.
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Many children adopt coping mechanisms to deal with family breakup.
For Dorsaf it was cooking that helped her through the tough time.
She and her sister Sara are making a cake for their mother, to be enjoyed by the whole family.
Transcript:
Sara: we did it me and Dorsaf.
Come on try it.
Munira: Thank you, bless you.
Munira: take one to your fatehr
Dorsaf: tell me if he likes it
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Even when a divorce is amicable and the parents don’t fight, it’s almost always a traumatic experience. Tunisia’s rocketing divorce rate may free many adults from lives of misery, but the heaviest price is being paid by the country’s children.
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For Linda, is a living example of how heavy this price could be.
Linda audio intercut with IV:
I felt bored and lonely, I hated myself so handed myself into the police. I was jailed my dad came accused me of theft; prostitution and disobedience to parents.
I was sentenced for 6 months. And then they called my father but he did not want to take me. He said he would withdraw his surname. Even when I came to the shelter they invited him and he did not come.
He hurt me with his words. I hate myself. I feel cheap. I cry.
Linda in shot:
Sometimes I just want to shout or I might hit my friend.
The road I took is a result of my parents’ divorce. If they had not I would be living with them and have studied with no problems.
But this is life.
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Since our filming, Linda has disappeared from the Care Centre. The police and social services have been informed, but nothing is yet known of her safety or whereabouts.