Precis

While Australia says ‘yes’, the country with more gay people than most says an implacable ‘no’. But in China, a determined group of young men and women just won’t take no for an answer, as Matthew Carney reports.

Shanghai has seen thousands of cruise ships come and go, but perhaps never one like this.

About 800 special invitees are piling aboard the ship to witness the marriages of nine LGBT couples in a brazen statement against China’s law and traditional family values.

It’s a milestone in Chinese history – Duan, one of the cruise organisers

Duan’s plan is to stage the weddings once the cruise ship gets into international waters, beyond the reach of authorities.

ABC China correspondent Matthew Carney is on board to see if Duan can pull it off. Lately officials have been shutting down gay rights gatherings all over China. But Duan is determined to make it happen.

It makes us feel super excited. We feel we’re part of a big family – Duan

The big family that Duan wants to strike a blow for is China’s estimated 70 million gays and lesbians. Same sex couples can’t get insurance, health care or pensions or own a home or adopt a child. Not only laws and officialdom stand in their way. Deep-rooted culture is equally unbending. Many Chinese see homosexuality as a sickness curable by treatments like electro-shock therapy.

Chinese tradition is to pass on our genes to the next generation. People will speak badly of us – father of Jesse, who was born a girl but now identifies as a man.

Jesse’s mum and dad are aboard the ship but they have no idea what’s ahead of them. They thought they were having a family holiday. Jesse hopes the cruise will help them understand him.

They’re afraid of losing face, but their acceptance means a lot to me - Jesse

Parental pressure is so great that as many as 20 million LGBT couples are in sham marriages. Duan and long-time partner Li both married women to appease their parents.

It was like being in jail. That kind of life was really torture for me – Duan

Lesbians Xianxian and Tiantian each married a gay man. Now they’ve signed on for the cruise so they can marry each other.

Xianxian is the most beautiful bride – Tiantian

But there’s a hitch. Even though shipboard marriages have no legal standing in China, authorities are edgy about this “immoral” cruise and the defiance it represents.  They move to stop the ship sailing, threatening to blow up months of planning by Duan and his friends.

Cruise boat on Shanghai Harbour. GFX: THE LOVE BOAT

Music

00:00

Passengers board cruise boat

00:05

Carney board cruise boat. GFX:
Reporter MATTHEW CARNEY

00:14

Passengers on board boat

MATTHEW CARNEY: It’s a cruise with a difference and we almost didn’t make it on board.  We’re going to spend the next week with 800 others getting a crash course on sexuality in China. 

00:19

And at the end of it all, there’ll be an act of mass civil disobedience.  Nine same sex couples are going to get married.  They’ll be defying the law, Chinese conventions, and in some cases – their families.

00:36

Some of these parents don’t know that their kids are gay, and we don’t even know if we’ll be allowed to leave the port. 

00:58

Carney to camera

[on board ship] “For the last week it’s been touch and go.  The organisers have been nervous that the Chinese authorities are going to shut this down. Lately, they’ve been closing gay rights meetings and seminars all over China, but this one is set to be one of the biggest”.

01:08

Music

01:25

Duan an partner on boat

MATTHEW CARNEY: On this journey we’re going to meet people who are taking great risks to tell us their stories.  Duan and his partner Li, the Shanghai power couple behind the cruise. 

01:31

Duan and Li

DUAN RONGFENG: [subtitle] “It’s a milestone in Chinese history”.

01:45

Apartment blocks

01:48

Xianxian and Tiantian walk down street

MATTHEW CARNEY:  Xianxian and Tiantian, who both suffered in one of China’s 20 million sham marriages. 

01:51

Cruise ship on boat

Music

02:02

Jesse and parents take selfie

MATTHEW CARNEY:  Jesse, born a girl but now living as a man, and

02:04

Parents at seminar

the parents who struggle to accept their kids in this deeply conservative society. 

HUANG MAMA: [subtitle] “My son is a very strong and good girl”.

02:11

Cruise boat at sunset

Music

02:22

Duan driving

MATTHEW CARNEY: Cruise organiser is Duan Rongfeng. We first met him in downtown Shanghai making last minute preparations.  The gays and lesbians who make it in this city tend to be rich and educated.  Duan runs a successful advertising agency and is also

02:29

Duan and Li open parcel and look at rings

a prominent activist.

DUAN RONGFENG: [subtitle] “What’s this?”

LI: [subtitle] ”Rings!”

DUAN RONGFENG: [subtitle] “Wow!”

LI: [subtitle] “Let’s take a look. Wow, they’re diamond rings”.

DUAN RONGFENG: [subtitle] “It’s Jiajun’s.  I want to take a photo for him.  No, we should make it a surprise”.

LI: [subtitle] “It’s a bigger diamond than mine.”

MATTHEW CARNEY:  Duan and Li have been together for 13 years, after meeting on the internet.

02:54

Li cooking

LI: [subtitle] “In China, the biggest challenge for us is to come out of the closet, mainly to our families and parents.  Everyone in China wants a family. 

03:24

Li interview

When we realise we’re gay, we think we have to choose between our parents and our families.  You can’t have both.  Either you leave your parents for your partner, or you choose your parents but have a secret love and never let your parents find out. It really hurts”. 

03:43

Duan and Li at home

MATTHEW CARNEY: Duan and Li lived together for 10 long years in secret before finally telling their parents the truth.

04:08

LI: [subtitle] “I told my mum that Duan was great and what we really wanted was our happiness.  Why care about his or her gender?

04:21

Li interview

So long as he treats me well, we’re happy together. I took Duan to my relatives during these ten years and everyone could see he was a good guy”.

04:28

Archival. Duan and Li marriage  ceremony

MATTHEW CARNEY:  Two years ago they had to travel to America to get married.  In China, marriage is still defined as a union between a man and a woman.  Same sex activity was only decriminalised in 1997. 

04:35

DUAN [subtitle] “Put the ring on your finger.  I hope you become my life partner”.

05:02

Duan and Li at home

MATTHEW CARNEY: As a same sex couple, Duan and Li can’t get insurance, health care, pensions, own a home or adopt a child.  They’re hoping the cruise and the mass wedding will help start a conversation about homosexuality in a society that doesn’t want to address the issue.

05:14

Duan interview

DUAN RONGFENG: [subtitle] “Fear comes from ignorance, whether you’re talking about society or the individual. When you learn more, you won’t feel so frightened”.

05:41

Shanghai view. Night

05:51

MATTHEW CARNEY: It’s no surprise that the cruise is starting off in Shanghai, the most cosmopolitan city in China. 

05:55

Shanghai bar

Many of the country’s 70 million gays and lesbians live here.  Attitudes are pretty liberal, and it’s easy to be anonymous.  It’s a very different story in the provinces.

06:01

Lian Yungang apartment blocks

Away from the centres of urban elites, China is still a deeply conservative society where conformity is valued. 

06:24

Xianxian and Tiantian walk down street

It takes courage to step outside the norm.  Xianxian and Tiantian live in Lian Yungang, a city in north eastern China

06:36

XIANXIAN: [subtitle] “One more hug?”

TIANTIAN: [subtitle] “Come on!  I’m exhausted!”  You’re annoying me, let’s go”.

XIANXIAN: [subtitle] “Where shall we go?”

TIANTIAN: [subtitle] “Give me a kiss”.

06:49

Food market

Music

07:09

Xianxian and Tiantian at market

TIANTIAN: [subtitle]  “Come on, give me a big smile.  Oh my goodness, I almost fell over stepping on that!”

XIANXIAN: [subtitle] “It’d be funny if you fell.  It would be filmed”. 

TIANTIAN: [subtitle] “No, it wouldn’t. They’d cut it out”.

07:19

MATTHEW CARNEY: The women are already living openly as a couple, despite the disapproval of their families.  Now they want to get married and have signed up to Duan and Li’s cruise.  The marriage won’t be legal in China, but the couple see it as a first step towards wider acceptance.

TIANTIAN: [subtitle] “It’s not easy for lesbians to live in this city.

07:36

Tiantian interview

Lianyungang is not a big city, and most people here still think in a very old fashioned way. 

08:03

Xianxian and Tiantian at market

[at the market] “Just take a small bite.  Bit by bit, not a big bite”. 

XIANXIAN: [subtitle] “It’s too hot”.

08:08

Tiantian interview

TIANTIAN: [subtitle} “I just do what I want to do.  Why should I care what other people think?”

08:16

Xianxian interview

XIANXIAN: [subtitle] “I ignore them.  They don’t understand us. I don’t need them to understand, because they’re not loved ones”.

08:21

Xianxian and Tiantian eat at table/Market shots

MATTHEW CARNEY: In many parts of China there’s a persistent belief that homosexuality is a disease that can be cured. Electro-shock therapy is still a common way to treat gay people here, even though it was officially outlawed three years ago. 

08:26

Xianxian and Tiantian at market

The stigma and family shame around not marrying and having children, leads many gays to enter sham marriages.  It’s believed there are 20 million couples living this way in China.

08:48

Xianxian and Tiantian wedding photos

Music

09:01

MATTHEW CARNEY:   Xianxian and Tiantian each had one.  They both married gay men so they could all continue their relationships in secret. 

09:06

Xianxian interview/Wedding photo

XIANXIAN: [subtitle] “When I saw my mother crying on my wedding day, I felt very guilty.  I knew I lied to them.  I felt sorry for them because they had done so much for me.  I don’t want to lie anymore because you have to make up more lies to cover one.  I got very tired of lying to them”. 

09:23

Tiantian wedding photo

MATTHEW CARNEY: Tiantian said she too just couldn’t continue the deception – it just wasn’t her.  The marriage ended only after a year and they both finally came out.  But their parents still refuse to accept them for who they are.

09:44

Li interview

LI: [subtitle] “For some, a fake marriage is a good way to deal with the problem of parents, and the questions from society, while making space for the one we love. But it turns out nothing can be fixed with a fake marriage”.

10:05

Photos. Duan and Li

MATTHEW CARNEY:  Duan and Li, the couple from Shanghai, also had fake marriages that ended badly. 

10:25

LI: [subtitle] “It was like being in jail. 

10:36

Li interview

I couldn’t put up my photos or show any hint of us. That kind of life was really torture for me. 

10:41

Photos. Duan and Li

One day, Lao Duan’s mother arrived unexpectedly and I was asleep on the bed.  I had to cover myself with the quilt and lie still.  We couldn’t let our parents see that. 

10:53

Li interview

Our life was filled with misunderstandings.  A sham marriage is a beautiful fantasy for the gay couples who don’t have the courage to come out of the closet.  But when they step into one, it turns out to be a terrible nightmare”.

11:07

Cruise boat

11:27

Xianxian and Tiantian on board boat

MATTHEW CARNEY: The day of the cruise has finally arrived. 

11:31

XIANXIAN: [subtitle] “I feel really excited”.

TIANTIAN: [subtitle] “This excitement is deep in my heart.  It’s hard to show.  I do not know how to show it”.

11:37

Duan and Li in cabin

MATTHEW CARNEY: But the authorities are trying to prevent the ship from leaving Shanghai, citing what they call immoral behaviour.  Months of planning is at stake. 

11:48

Passengers on board taking photos

So, they take a risk.  The boat leaves early before the official time, as authorities back on shore debate what to do. 

12:01

Li in cabin

LI: [subtitle] “I am finally on the sea.  Tonight we’ll have a singles party.  Tomorrow, we’ll have the conference and wedding.  It’s so exciting”.

12:13

Jesse in cabin with parents

MATTHEW CARNEY: The next morning Jesse Peng and his parents get ready for the day.  Jesse is the official photographer on the trip.  He was born a girl but now identifies as a man.  His parents are finding it hard to deal with. 

12:33

Jesse interview

JESSE PENG: [subtitle] “I think for now my parents half and half accept me.  On one hand, they accept that I like girls.  But on the other hand, they want me to find a boy and get married”.

12:53

Jesse in ship’s lounge with parents

MATTHEW CARNEY: The family comes from Jiangxi, a very conservative part of China.

13:21

Jesse’s mum interview

JESSE’S MUM: [subtitle] “You didn’t tell us the truth before we got on the cruise”.

13:29

Jesse takes photos

MATTHEW CARNEY: They thought they were having a simple family holiday.

13:38

Jesse’s mum interview

JESSE’S MUM: [subtitle] “Frankly, I didn’t know what this was going to be about until I got here.  The night before we came, she sent us a message. Then I understood. My husband said we didn’t have a choice, we had to come”. 

13:41

Jesse’s dad interview

JESSE’S DAD: [subtitle] “Given the situation in China at the moment, we feel really stressed.  It’s put a lot of pressure on us.  If other people in our village knew that we were coming to this event, we’d feel very uncomfortable”.

13:57

Seminar day. Chenggong Baba at microphone

MATTHEW CARNEY: The first day is devoted to parents sharing their stories.  Chenggong Baba is a steelworker from northern China. 

14:24

CHENGGONG BABA: [subtitle] “He told me he was gay on 1^st November 2016.  I felt surprised and hopeless.  He was different from normal people.  I was so angry,  I smoked five packs of cigarettes.  One by one, non-stop, in our two hour conversation.  I told him to change.  But he told me it was impossible to change sexual orientation, whether you’re normal or LGBT.  It was the first time I’d heard this word.  I asked him if he had forgotten what I, his father, do.  I work for the steel industry.  I can make all steel straight, no matter what it looks like and how bent it is.  He said he wasn’t steel and I couldn’t make him straight”.

14:36

Huang Mama and daughter on stage

MATTHEW CARNEY: Huang Mama and her daughter are telling their story for the first time.  Huang Mama is a farmer’s wife from Henan, one of the poorest provinces in China.  She didn’t go to school

15:44

so she can’t read or write.  It’s the first time she’s left her village.

DAUGHTER: [subtitle] “Though she’s poor, my mother gave me a strong character”.

HUANG MAMA: [subtitle] “My son is a very strong and good girl. 

15:56

I had my family but it was very hard.  My husband was useless. Others bulled us.  So I had to be strong.  I supported my family.  I made 10 yuan ($2) a day.  I never gave my children a happy time.

16:18

But now I support my daughter.  I’ll support her in doing what she wants.  I won’t be happy unless you’re happy.  I hope Yunyun and you live happily together into old age”.

17:01

Jesse and parents in lounge

MATTHEW CARNEY: Four hours of this is confronting for Jesse’s parents. 

17:30

Jesse’s father

JESSE’S FATHER: [subtitle] “We’re from a small village and people have different views on homosexuality. We face a lot of pressure from our relatives and friends.  It’s really stressful.  In our daily life we’re faced with other people’s criticism and stigma. That won’t change whether we attend this meeting or not.  Because it is normal for people to marry and have children. This is our traditional idea.  So it’s hard for us to accept it”.

17:38

JESSE’S MOTHER: [subtitle] “We understand that it is very hard for her and she is upset, too.  Until this, I’d never thought that we might come across homosexuality”.

18:21

Jesse’s parents in counselling session

MATTHEW CARNEY: Later in the day they have a counselling session. Duan is leading the group and is helped by Li’s mum and another father who are volunteer counsellors on the cruise. 

18:38

JESSE’S MOTHER: “I heard they can be changed back?”

BO’S FATHER: [subtitle] “There’s no case I the world where they can change back”.

18:53

DUAN RONGFENG: “Of course you will have pressure.   You have pressure if your kid can’t go to university, if your kid can’t find a job.  You feel embarrassed in front of relatives because of all sorts of pressure.  Gay marriage is legal now all over the U.S.  The situation is improving all the time”.

18:56

Parents in counselling session

JESSE’S FATHER: [subtitle] “Chinese tradition is carrying our genes to the next generation. In our country, people will speak badly of us, for sure”.

19:12

BO’S FATHER: [subtitle] “What to do?  Our kids have so much pain, so much pressure.  Society discriminates against them.  As parents we need to stand up and speak out for them and let our kids grow in the sunshine. If you don’t stand up, I don’t stand up, our kids will suffer.  Our kids care so much about what we think of them.  Kids hope so much their parents can accept them”.

19:24

Parents shake hands

MATTHEW CARNEY:  By the end of the session it seems Jesse’s parents are at least open to the idea.

JESSE’S DAD: [subtitle] “We can’t change anything.  Let them be.  As parents, we can’t do anything.  Okay, but it’s impossible for us to change our attitude right away”.

BO’S FATHER: [subtitle] “If you changed immediately, it wouldn’t be normal.  Take it slowly, digest it.  Listen more and learn more.  Take a rest”.

20:03

Jesse interview

JESSE PENG: [subtitle] “They are afraid of losing face in front of relatives and friends, if they find out the truth. But the fact is a lot of their relatives and friends already know. They just haven’t told my parents they know. For us, family matters a lot.  Their acceptance means a lot to me”.

20:33

Ship on ocean

Music

20:53

MATTHEW CARNEY: As the ship steams into the East China Sea, the wedding couples are getting ready

21:01

Xianxian having make up done

in separate cabins.   Xianxian is about to walk down the aisle for the second time. This time though it will be to marry the woman she loves and not a man she’s pretending to.

21:06

Xianxian interview

XIANXIAN: [subtitle] “I’m nervous because I don’t know what to say on stage. I’m happy because it’s my wish to marry her”.

21:20

Tiantian dressing in cabin

TIANTIAN: [subtitle] “I feel like I’m in a dream.  I’m really looking forward to seeing Xianxian beautifully dressed. 

21:35

Tiantian interview

I think she will be the most beautiful bride”.

21:45

Ship on ocean

Music

21:52

Couples ready for weddings

21:57

MATTHEW CARNEY:  We’ve reached international waters, out of range of the police. 

22:04

Xianxian and Tiantian marriage vows

The nine couples can finally marry.

XIANXIAN: [subtitle] “Make money to support us and I’ll remain a beautiful flower”.

TIANTIAN: [subtitle] “I’m glad I’m with you in this beautiful moment.  I’d like to hold your hand and grow old together.  I love you. 

22:08

Xianxian and Tiantian exchange of rings/Celebrations

 [ceremony] Yes I do.  Do you love me?  Do you marry me?”  [Xianxian nods yes] 

22:31

MASTER OF CEREMONY: “It’s a pleasure to be here, and I am so happy.  I hope the nine new couples stay together forever, and have a harmonious union lasting for a hundred years”.

22:43

Xianxian and Tiantian after ceremony

XIANXIAN: [subtitle] “I’m very happy.  But when I saw other parents on the stage, I missed my mother”.

TIANTIAN: [subtitle] “It’s a bit sad our parents aren’t here”.

XIANXIAN: [subtitle] “Yes, a bit sad”.

23:25

Dancing and celebration

MATTHEW CARNEY:  The marriages have no legal standing, but for Duan they’re a powerful statement.

23:34

Duan interview

DUAN RONGFENG: [subtitle] “It is a milestone in Chinese history.  A Chinese traditional gay wedding.  It makes me super excited.  We feel like we’re one big family”. 

23:46

Li interview

LI: [subtitle] “I think it’s the start of happiness for them. We had a Western style wedding and I saw them have a traditional wedding.  I prefer the Chinese style. I actually really liked this wedding”.

DUAN RONGFENG: [subtitle] “Get married again”.

LI: “Maybe because I am Chinese, I like the ceremony with the cross-cupped wine, and the parent’s presentation, Chinese vows, the embroidered wedding robe.  I got goose bumps. I felt very moved even though I’m already married”. 

23:58

Couples disembark in Japan and sightsee

Music

24:36

MATTHEW CARNEY:  The next day the ship stops in Japan.  Xianxian and Tiantian are contemplating the future and breaking another taboo. 

24:46

XIANXIAN: [subtitle] “When we settle down and Tiantian wants to make our family perfect,

25:01

Xianxian interview

I think I will have a baby for her”.

25:08

Jesse and parents take selfie on boat

MATTHEW CARNEY:  Jesse isn’t at that point yet and neither are his parents, but he feels there’s been a shift.

25:19

Jesse interview

JESSE: [subtitle] “During this trip, they’ve changed a lot, I feel they’ve changed.  They have taken part in the activities, heard the stories of other parents, and see the attitudes of other parents.  These are important things to change them”.

JESSE’S MOTHER: [subtitle] “I feel I know a bit more about Jesse”.

25:30

Jesse’s parents

JESSE’S FATHER: [subtitle] “It’s not easy for young people.  After all, she is my daughter.  I hope Jesse can be happy. As parents, as long as she’s happy, we’re satisfied”.

25:52

Jesse sets up group photo

JESSE PENG: [subtitle] “I wish they could see this simply as me being allowed to marry who I want.  It’s just a normal love affair.  We’re born this way and can’t change”.

26:11

Ship on ocean/Passengers relaxing on board

Music

26:33

Duan and Li on board. They hug

MATTHEW CARNEY: Duan is optimistic enough to think that same sex marriage could become legal in China within a decade.  But for that to happen, there has to be a big shift in public attitudes. 

DUAN RONGFENG: [subtitle] “The ultimate goal is to change society, and help us live freely and equally under the law. 

26:41

Duan interview

But before we can do that, we need to speak out, and make more people aware of us, and empower more gay people to stand up”.

27:10

Ship at sunset

Music

27:26

Credits

Reporter - Matthew Carney
Producer - Cecily Huang
Camera - Brant Cumming
Editor - Garth Thomas
Executive Producer -Marianne Leitch

abc.net.au/foreign

© 2017

27:30

Out point after credits

27:50