Precis

"My child-mind built it up. Daydreaming that maybe someday I'll walk outside and there'll be this long, black stretched car pulling up in front of my house ... and then he would get out ... and kneel-down and greet me. You know, kneel down and outstretch his arms to me."

American Jared Morrison has dreamed of meeting his dad since he was a kid.

Like many young Saudi men, Jared's father came to America to study in the 1970s. At university, he met Jared's mum and they had a relationship but when she became pregnant, he disappeared back home.

Throughout his childhood and into adulthood, Jared was obsessed with finding his Saudi father.

"I had that overwhelming urge and drive ... to find him, locate him, learn about him, learn about the culture. It was just an innate instinct."

Jared connected once on the phone when he was in his early twenties but his father rejected him. Now that Saudi Arabia has begun to open up to the world, Jared wants to try again.

Reporter Brietta Hague and Saudi producer Essam Al-Ghalib tell the exclusive story of Jared as he travels to the Kingdom to try and track down his father. It's a dangerous, fraught and emotionally risky mission.

Jared's family is powerful and well-connected in Saudi and Jared bumps up against the unwritten rules of a deeply conservative society, which values reputation and family honour above all.

Jared is not the only one.

Saudi men abroad continue to father and abandon children. In Guatemala, we meet a young boy and his single mother, his Saudi father long since departed. Sami Alrajhi Chang visits the mosque every week to learn Arabic in the hope he may one day meet his Saudi family.

Sami's father Sulaiman came to study in the USA as part of a Saudi government scholarship programme. There he met student Mandre Chang. Despite promising her marriage and a life together, he abandoned Mandre days after Sami's birth.

Mandre and Sami are part of a global network of people searching for answers. Stone-walled by the Saudi government and embassies, Mandre sought the help of a blog called 'Saudi Children Left Behind', a platform encouraging the children and ex-partners of Saudi men to publish their stories of abandonment in the hope they'll make contact.

This is an untold story about the powerful human impulse to connect with family, against all odds, and a rare insight into the rigid rules governing this hidden Kingdom – rules about kinship, obligation and family honour.

Episode teaser

Music

00:10

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: For decades, thousands of Saudi Arabian men have travelled abroad as university students. Many take advantage of their new freedom to have relationships with foreign women, only to abandon them when they become pregnant.

00:13

SAMI: He told my mum he'd come back, but he never returned.

00:29

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: Now, the children they left behind are searching for answers...

00:34

JARED: I spent thousands and thousands of hours searching for him.

00:38

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: …and yearning to know their Saudi fathers.

00:42

Brietta and Essam

I'm Brietta Hague, an Australian filmmaker and journalist. For the last year I've been working with Saudi journalist Essam Al Ghalib and we've been investigating Saudi children abroad who've been abandoned by their fathers.

00:47

ESSAM: I do hope that the father does recognise him.

01:02

Saudi GVs

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: The wealthy Arab kingdom is now opening to the world. Will it finally acknowledge the Saudi children left behind?

01:05

Title: Saudi Children Left Behind

01:15

Washington GVs. Super:
Washington State, USA

Music

01:19

Jared and Bridget at home

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: Jared Morrison is as all-American as they come.

01:31

Jared and Bridget at table. Jaren says grace

Jared: "You want to me to say a blessing or you want me to?"

Bridget: "No, I want you to."

01:36

Jared: "Dear Heavenly Father, we thank you for this delicious meal you've blessed us with this day, and we ask you to help us have a wonderful day…"

01:39

Photos. Jared

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: A Washington State Guard and full-time insurance agent; he values God,

01:47

Jared says grace

his family and hard work. But from a young age he knew he was different from the other kids in his white, working-class town.

01:53

Photo. Jared as teenager

JARED: So my full name is Jared Al-Jasser Morrison. My father was a student

02:06

Jared interview

at Portland State University in the '70s, as well as Clark College across the river in Vancouver. He and my mother met at Clark College when she was a student there as well, around 1974, and they fell in love, and they dated for a while, and my mother wound up pregnant with me, and upon hearing that, I think my father had some challenges or some fear, and they eventually split up and he went back to Saudi Arabia.

02:10

Family photo. Jared with grandparents

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: Jared was raised by his mother and grandparents. When he was six years old, his mother told him he had a father in an Arab kingdom.

02:38

Jared driving

JARED: My child mind built it up. Daydreaming that maybe someday I'll walk outside and there'll be this long, black stretched car pulling up in front of my house with diplomatic flags lining the vehicle, and then he would get out wearing you know, his thobe and shemagh and kneel down and greet me. Kneel down and outstretch his arms to me.

02:48

Archival. Saudi oil boom GVs

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: But Saudi Arabia was not the romantic world of his childhood imagination. An oil boom had made the Bedouin society staggeringly rich. Families grew powerful through international trade, while ultra conservative clerics railed against Western decadence. Young men could have experiences abroad; back home, they were expected to forget them or keep them secret.

03:14

Jared drives to Clark College

JARED: So my understanding is they met at a party here. Obviously there was some attraction, they started dating, and according to my mum they started to go steady, right, not see anybody else. He spoke English very well, he was very educated, he presented himself very well.

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: A deep desire to know his Saudi father grew into an obsession to find him.

03:48

Jared walks Clark College campus

JARED: So when I started looking for my father, the first attempt was when I was 12 years old. My mother woke me up about two o'clock in the morning. I remember her dialling international information, trying to navigate that. And then you fast forward 20 plus years until the beginning of 2000s, that's when I picked up and started searching for him again. I spent thousands and thousands of hours. It took me a couple of years; ultimately I managed to get my father's cell phone number in Riyadh.

04:19

Jared  interview on campus

I'll never forget my heart was just 'boom boom boom' – racing – it literally felt like it was beating out of my chest. He finally says 'What do you want'. So now here's my chance, here's my chance to give him my sales pitch right.

04:51

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: After initially denying paternity, he finally admitted Jared was his son.

JARED: I said, "Mr. Al-Jasser" – I'd never address him as father or dad or anything like that – so I said,

05:04

"Do you have any desire or intention to ever know me?" And almost as if I asked you if you would like your steak rare - it was just very matter of fact, "I'm sorry, but no". All of a sudden, the only thing I could think of is my mum telling me when I was 12 years old that I could be setting myself up for a psychological punch in the nose. I was so shocked, it literally, I felt it physically. It blew me away that someone could just have the emotional switch completely turned off like that. It's still foreign to me to this day.

05:19

Jared walks on campus

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: The rejection has had a profound impact on Jared's life.

06:05

Jared drives

JARED: The mistake of one parent, the act or omission of one parent, can have consequences for generations to come.

06:12

Jared fishing. Interview by river

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: But Jared has never given up the dream of finding his father.

JARED: I had that overwhelming urge and drive to find him, locate him, learn about him, learn about the culture, it was just an innate instinct.

06:22

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: As Saudi Arabia opens to the world, entering as a tourist is possible for the first time. Jared has decided to travel to the kingdom to try and make contact with his family.

06:36

JARED: It's a dream I've always had since I was a child, to explore that cultural heritage, that genetic pull. I can't really describe it, but I've always been fascinated with trying to explore the links to my brown skin and my dark hair. Hopefully I'll be able to connect with my father.

06:50

"No, no, no!... I thought we were going to be having salmon for dinner tonight. I want to cry…

07:12

Jared barbecue with friends

So I pull it in as far as I could, wearing brand new shoes. It was either a salmon or a steelhead. No shite."

07:42

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: A few days before his flight to the kingdom, Jared's close friends gather to farewell him.

07:56

Jared and Aaron

AARON: I have a hard time even grasping what you have to be going through in your heart and in your head. I'll be honest – you may answer some questions, but at what cost?

08:02

JARED: Yeah, well, I think I've already paid the price when he flat out told me that he had no interest in knowing me. He's in his early 70s, he's got to be coming up on 74 right now. While he's reflecting on his life and he tries to make amends, or rationalise all the things he's done and ask for forgiveness, am I going to be one the things he thinks about, one of his great regrets that he wants to make amends for as he's got one foot into the afterlife? I don't know.

08:16

AARON: You have a completely different religious background than the entire country.

08:47

JARED: Wearing a cross in Saudi Arabia, public displays of any religion other than Islam is frowned upon. So if I was Catholic…

AARON: It can't get you killed though?

JARED: Ah, I don't know.

AARON: You don't normally wear…

JARED: I don't normally wear a cross anyway. The only thing I wear around my neck is my dog tags.

AARON: Which you are not taking!

JARED: Which I am not taking. You guys will not allow me to wear my dog tags.

08:54

Friends toast Jared

AARON: There is a lot of concern and a lot of hopes for you in what's going to come up in your trip. I wish you the safest of travels, so here's to you in Saudi!

JARED:  And I get to ride a camel!

09:21

Guatemala GVs. Super:
Guatemala

Music

09:41

Sami in mosque

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: Jared's story is one of many. In Guatemala City, ten-year old Sami Alrahji Chang is answering the call to prayer at a local mosque. It's his only connection to his father.

09:51

SAMI: I go the mosque because I want to learn a bit of Arabic. If I meet my dad one day, I want to be able to speak to him. 

10:07

 Sami interview

My father's name is Sulaiman. I don't know his other names, but I would like to know them. He is from Arabia. I would like to speak to him one day because we haven't spent too much time together. I think he left for Arabia after I was born. He told my mum he would come back, but he never returned.

10:21

Photos. Sulaiman and Mandre

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: Sami's father Sulaiman was studying on a scholarship in the USA. He was part of a Saudi government program that paid full tuition fees and a living allowance to students abroad. While at university, Sulaiman met Guatemalan student Mandre Chang.

10:50

Mandre driving

They began a relationship and talked about getting married.

11:10

MANDRE: Our relationship was good, we didn't have any problems, and suddenly I discovered that I was pregnant.

11:15

Mandre at home with Sami

Then he decided to go to Saudi Arabia. He said that he will travel for two weeks, that he is going to go to visit his family.

11:22

Photo. Mandre with newborn Sami/ Stills of Skype calls

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: Mandre's pregnancy was complicated; she felt desperate and alone. Contact with Sulaiman was intermittent. MANDRE: I consider myself to be a strong woman.

11:33

Mandre interview

I don't usually cry. But in that period of time, I cried a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot.

11:46

Sami chops onions

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter:  Sulaiman eventually returned to the States and acknowledged baby Sami, changing the birth certificate to include his name. But he told Mandre he didn't want to be in Sami's life.

11:55

MANDRE: And he said like, "No, I'm sorry. I will study in here and you will be doing your life with the baby."

12:09

Sami and Mandre cooking

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: Mandre has not heard from Sulaiman since. Without financial support in the US, she returned to Guatemala to be close to family. But Mandre can't register Sami as a Guatemalan citizen without Sulaiman's involvement.

12:15

Sami at home

MANDRE: Sami is illegal in Guatemala. It was difficult for me also to register him on school, because they always ask for his father signature. I have to pay a fine.

13:32

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: Mandre set out to track down Sulaiman.

12:45

Mandre on computer looking at blog

In her search she came cross a blog called 'Saudi Children Left Behind'. It featured the stories of other people searching for Saudi fathers. The blog was created by Jenniffer Crystal, an American woman with a story just like Mandre's. They quickly became allies.

12:48

Mandre and Jenniffer video call on laptop

MANDRE: "Do you remember how it was before we start talking?"

13:10

JENNIFFER: "Oh my gosh.  10 years ago. In the small town that I lived in, in Ohio, there were five girls that had a similar situation to what you and I were in. And I remember thinking at that time, if it's such a problem in this very, very small community, how bad is it everywhere else? So, I created the blog. And lo and behold, there were so many people all over, not only in here in the United States, but we had people that were in the Philippines and we had people that were in Australia contacting us after you and I actually kind of got together."

13:14

CU Blog pages

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: Mandre helped manage the blog, fielding hundreds of messages from women around the world.

MANDRE: Mostly US, Philippines, some other Latin countries.

13:50

Saudi news reports

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: The blog caused a sensation in Saudi Arabia, featuring on news reports and talk shows.

14:02

Saudi panel member:  This problem is not exclusive to Saudis. It happens to Saudis and non-Saudis.  The sensitivity of this topic in Muslim and Arab cultures is more than in other cultures. The American women who created this blog know how sensitive the subject is and therefore created this blog.

14:16

Saudi GVs

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: Saudi Arabia's strict sharia law makes it all but impossible for students to marry the women they fall in love with. Government permission is needed to wed foreigners and only men over 30 are eligible. Non-Muslims are expected to convert to Islam.

14:38

Awasser website

The Saudi government has never acknowledged the large number of abandoned children. But one non-government organisation called Awasser claims to help them. Mandre reached out to the group and at first they agreed to assist her.

14:58

MANDRE: But when I sent all the paperwork, Sulaiman's signature on the birth certificate, the acknowledgement that he know everything, they suddenly disappear.

15:16

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: Awasser says they've helped organise the return of 8000 abandoned Saudi children to the kingdom. We've been unable to verify these claims.

15:26

Saudi airport

The number of Saudi student studying abroad has soared since the government began its scholarship program. Little has been done to prepare them.

15:40

MANDRE:  It's like you are in a room without anything and then you just open the door and you see all the amazing things.

15:52

Mandre interview

Girls do not dress in the US like in Saudi Arabia, you cannot go to have dinner with a woman in Saudi Arabia, but in the US you can do it. You can walk freely in the university or college with women around. And also classes are mixed. In Saudi Arabia they have schools for men and schools for women. So it's kind of complicated because in the other side, women like me or others, they don't know about Saudi culture.

16:01

Jeddah GVs. Super:
Jeddah, Saudi Arabia

Music

16:35

Jared at Saudi airport

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: Jared Al-Jasser Morrison has come to Saudi Arabia to try and find his father.  He begins in Jeddah, the gateway to the Islamic holy cities of mecca and Medina. This is Jared's first time outside North America.

JARED: Good morning!

16:57

Jared to Jeddah hotel

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: Tell me about what it's been like for the last 24 hours.

17:20

Jared on phone with Brietta

JARED:  It's definitely a culture shock, it's really, pretty awesome. I'm hoping to learn more details about my family's cultural history and potentially why – what would lead my father make the decision that he did 45 years ago – and understand that better through the eyes of an Arab over here because I can only look at it from the eyes of a Westerner.

17:23

Jared meets with Saddiq and Samuel

Jared is invited to talk with religious and political scholar Saddiq Malki and his American Muslim friend Samuel. Saddiq lived and studied in the US and understands the cultural conflicts that confront Saudis in the west. They meet at the traditional home of a renowned architect.

17:47

JARED: Well I have some questions for you if you don't mind?

SADDIQ: Yes please, the most difficult.

18:10

JARED: So my father was one of the first wave of Saudis that came to the US in the '70s, right. So coming from a country that was obviously at the time – from my understanding that Saudi Arabia at this time was very, very ultra conservative; men and women had to be separated. My mother fell in love with my father, they dated, my mother thought that they were going to progress into marriage eventually. She wound up pregnant with me, and then he basically got scared and from what it seems took off back to Saudi Arabia.

18:14

SADDIQ: I would say one of every hundred Saudis who goes to the States has a similar story. Now, the time frame that this took place, Saudi Arabia, was too conservative to even admit a story like this. Even though it's happening, even here.

JARED: Is it still happening right now?

SAMUEL: Yeah, of course. People are human.

18:51

JARED: So, what were some reasons that he may have that caused him fear. Because I know some...

19:15

SADDIQ: Probably this man, your father, is not a bad man. What happened is that he just thought, how can I go back to Saudi Arabia, a country where people are veiling women, with a lady, probably she's blonde or something and she's a feminist. And, you put yourself in his shoes it would be a disaster.

19:21

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: Jared realises his father would have been ostracised by his family and society had he married a foreigner and non-Muslim.

19:44

JARED: I can only imagine what it's like coming from a very conservative environment, that you can have lifelong consequences, not just for yourself, but for other people.

19:54

Jared explores the city

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: Jared begins to explore a land he's only ever dreamed about.

20:07

Music

20:13

JARED: Looking at Arabian culture through Western eyes, it's beautiful.

20:20

Music

20:24

JARED:  What's in here?

20:32

Jared in various store

Music

20:34

JARED:  I'm still learning about the different cultures within this country. You've got the country itself and then each region has its own flavour.

20:44

Jared wears shemagh

It's definitely a cultural awakening. Now I feel Saudi!

20:54

Riyadh GVs. Super:
Riyadh, Saudi Arabia

Music

21:05

Jared on plane to Riyadh

BRIETTA HAG UE, Reporter: In Riyadh, Jared's finally going to meet a blood relative. He's managed to track down a first cousin through social media.

21:19

JARED:  I'm excited to meet my cousin, I don't know what to expect. I don't know how well I'll be received.

21:31

Riyadh GVs

Music

21:37

JARED: When I talked to him about a month ago and told him I'd be coming here, he told me do not worry you are one of us. I'm of the young generation, I'm not of the old generation with old beliefs,

21:42

Jared in hotel

I have young beliefs and new beliefs and I accept everyone. I don't think I've ever been in a hotel this nice. They have fruit. I think he felt like he needed to reassure me he wouldn't deny me or shun me or anything.

21:53

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: Jared, now you're going to meet with your cousin, are you worried you might cause a scandal for your father?

22:13

Jared interview in hotel

JARED: I'm OK with that. I'm okay with that, I'm totally fine with that, that's something he has to deal with. That is not my problem, that is not my problem. I'm tired of feeling ashamed. Every child, no matter what religion they are from, no matter what race they are from, every child is entitled to a mother and a father.

22:19

Jared dresses in thobe

Music

22:43

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: Jared has asked us to protect the privacy of the family and asks us not to film the meeting.

22:50

Riyadh, night GV

Music

22:57

Riyadh, day GV

Okay, Jared. Tell me about that experience last night.

23:01

Jared interview

JARED: It was absolutely amazing. I met my cousin and he came and picked me up at the hotel. When he got out and he saw me, he said I looked like the sands of Arabia run in my veins. And I looked like I'm Bedouin. It was really just a lifelong dream to be able to actualise that, and touch and look at this person.

23:05

Photo. Jared and cousin

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: It must have been really emotional for your cousin to see you, because you look so much like your father.

23:30

JARED: He said I look exactly like him. Not only like my father, but like the rest of the Al Jasser family. He said when he saw me that there was absolutely no doubt.

23:36

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: And did you talk to your cousin about your quest to find your father?

JARED: I did. He said he wasn't sure how to deal with that. He said it would cause a lot of internal issues with the family. There's some other very serious internal dynamics, which after hearing those, I understand the decision that was made a lot more now.  I understand a lot more in detail of the culture of his family. And the sheer terror that my father must have felt from his family as well as his community. So it opened up my eyes a lot and I actually started to feel sympathy. Never thought I would say that.

23:49

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: Wow, Jared.

JARED: Never thought I would say that, but it helps me understand a lot more of the culture and why that decision was made.

24:39

Young Saudi men GVs

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: What did he say about the younger generations of your family?

JARED: Totally different, totally different. Very open-minded. The difference between the old generation and the new school train of thought, that's more accepting and has been raised with more of a Western influence.

24:53

Young Saudi women GVs

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: So do you feel like you are in the process of being accepted by the younger members of your family?

JARED: Absolutely. Absolutely.

25:16

Men and women walking. Night

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: Jared's cousin promises to introduce him to his uncle, but nothing eventuates. The younger generation may be open to change, but Jared senses they are still bound by the old rules of conservative Islam and preserving family honour.

25:29

Young women shopping

JARED: I was hoping to meet my uncle, but that didn't work out. Sometimes I feel frustrated and despondent that maybe they're not sure how to deal with it. And they really don't want to, because they don't want to cause embarrassment to anybody, or rock the boat.

25:49

Jared with baby camels

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: Despite his disappointment, Jared has found connecting with his Arab identity a deeply moving experience.

26:06

Jared drinks camel milk

JARED:  I've made a lot of progress on the goal. My Journey is not over. My journey has just begun.

26:16

Jared rides camel

I have met my cousin; haven't met my uncle or my father yet. I think it's just a matter of time. I'm happy that I came here, it's a wonderful life changing event.

26:28

Jared interview in desert at dusk

I have absolutely found peace. As a matter of fact a lot of friends have seen the pictures that I've sent and they say I actually look like I'm at peace. So even though I haven't met my father, just even being here, sitting here under the sky I feel peace in my heart.

26:42

CARD: Jared returned later to Saudi Arabia. He met two more family members.  But not his father.

Music

27:03

Guatemala City GVs

Music

27:14

Sami and Mandre visit with Anwar

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: In Guatemala City, Sami and Mandre have found solace in the local Muslim community.

ANWAR: I have been in contact with Sami since he was a small kid.

27:21

Anwar interview

If his dad wants to recognise him in the future he will be prepared. Honestly, the son must not suffer because of the father's mistakes.

27:32

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: The director of the Islamic association Anwar Khader even tried to act as a mediator.

27:46

ANWAR:  It's been almost six years now, the family won't answer.

27:532

Mandre and Sami walk

BRIETTA HAGUE, Reporter: Mandre still holds out hope that one day Sulaiman may respond to her messages.

28:00

MANDRE: I don't want Sammy to grow up having a bad image about his dad.

28:07

Mandre interview

I think that he will get into an age that he can build his own conclusions and have an opinion about his dad.

28:12

Sami plays squash

mu

28:22

SAMI: I feel pretty good, because I have my family here who love me: my grandfather, mum, stepdad and uncles. But I also feel sad as I still haven't met my dad. It makes me a bit sad.

28:27

Sami interview

If my dad ever watches this, I want to tell him I'd like to meet him some day and speak to him. That's all. Thank you.

28:44

Credits [see below]

28:58

Out point

29:24